


Miles to Go

by poopityfoo



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: And Harder To Tag, But She's Not GONE, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, People Heal, People are sad, Seriously She's Dead, Slow Burn, Wayhaught - Freeform, Wayhaught endgame, WynHaught - Freeform, Wynonna Is Dead, this is hard to explain, wynaught
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26828899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poopityfoo/pseuds/poopityfoo
Summary: Wynonna could always get her to do whatever she wanted.Nicole should have known something as simple as dying wasn't going to change that.But there was no way for her to know what would come of it.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 257
Kudos: 310





	1. She Was...She Was

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!
> 
> As promised here is my new story! I'm extra nervous about this but I hope you'll give it a chance. This story is about grief and healing and moving forward. Some things to know going in:
> 
> Wynaught is established first. So there will be Wynaught feels.
> 
> Everyone is younger. Late teens.
> 
> Wayhaught will come.
> 
> This is different than anything I've tried before, and as mentioned in the tags, this is hard to explain so...yeah. Hope you don't hate it!

Of course it was cold. The bright winter sun did nothing to quell its bite. That hard kind of cold that split skin and seeped through the cracks to settle into your bones.

It would no doubt be warmer inside, but Nicole couldn’t force herself to go in. Even as her skull throbbed in the low temperature, she remained in the thick of it. As soon as she’d gotten out of the car, she knew she wouldn’t be going in yet; maybe not at all. Maybe she would just get back in the car and drive away without ever showing her face.

It would probably be better for everyone if she did. But she had to go in, didn’t she? She couldn’t _not_.

Her numbing fingers pulled out a cigarette and worked the lighter, flicking it repeatedly until it sustained a flame long enough to light it. The first inhale burned her lungs, contradicting the cold oxygen it replaced. Leaning back against the tree, she closed her eyes and blew the smoke out. As the stream passed her lips to dissipate in the air, she wished the heavy mess in her chest could be pushed out as easily.

“Hey Punk,” she heard the familiar endearment call to her.

Nicole pinched the bridge of nose before opening her eyes to see, as she expected, Wynonna coming to stand in front of her. She took in the sight of her for a moment; the sun lighting the hanging curls of her hair, with her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket and that knowing grin on her face.

She was beautiful…and it sent a spike through Nicole’s chest.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked, “Party’s inside.”

Nicole flicked the ashes from the end of her cigarette.

“Can’t,” she confessed, shuffling her feet, “I can’t do it.”

Wynonna hummed and joined her against the tree. She stood quietly for a few moments, watching Nicole continue to smoke away the stick between her fingers.

“Gimme one of those,” she nodded.

“No,” Nicole answered through a plume of smoke.

“Come on, just a puff.”

“You can’t.”

“Why not?” she asked then nudged her with her shoulder and her voice took on a mocking tone, “‘Because it’ll kill me?”

As soon as she said it, a hard sob burst out of Nicole before she could stop it. Her head dropped into her hands and she pressed them into her eyes. It was an attempt to get ahold of herself after the sudden outburst, but the action caused her to wince and pull her hands away.

“Shit,” she grimaced through clenched teeth.

“Easy,” Wynonna said, her voice turning softer as she moved to stand in front of her and get a good look at her face.

Her fingers danced over the mottled yellow and green bruising at the corner of her eye and spreading out and up her face, getting noticeably darker as it got to the still raw stitching along her temple.

“Guess even the hardest head can crack, huh?” she asked rhetorically as she inspected her face, “Literally in this case.”

Nicole just shook her head, bringing a shaking hand up to scratch the skin around the stitches.

“Don’t do that,” Wynonna ordered gently, pulling her hand away from the area, “Look I’m sorry. It was a bad joke. Totally inappropriate. But you love that about me, right?”

Nicole chuckled despite herself, sniffling once and lifting her eyes back to her, “Sure.”

Wynonna smiled and returned to her side, keeping her hand around hers as she did, and dropped her head against her shoulder. The silence returned, and for that Nicole was grateful. There was so much happening in her heart and head, she was just content to be in her presence without words. So, they stood there together against the tree, watching more people arrive.

Dressed and appropriately solemn; a few tossed glances their way, no doubt wondering all sorts of things and thinking on all the talk that had blown torn through town like wildfire.

“Oh shit,” Wynonna spoke up suddenly, “I can’t believe Shorty came. Remember when he found us in the basement getting shit faced on his best whiskey?”

Nicole laughed at the memory, “Yeah. He was pretty pissed.”

“Pissed? I thought the old man was going to have a heart attack right there,” she laughed, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he didn’t, but if he _had_ he wouldn’t have been able to rat me out to Gus.”

Nicole felt herself smiling fondly, “Never told my mom though.”

“Course not, he’s a grump not an asshole,” she said, “He’d never give that bitch an excuse.”

“Or he knew Gus would give it to me just as much as she did you anyway.”

“Oh please, that woman loves you like her own. I swear she wishes you were her niece instead of me,” she teased, “Has she been around at all? Your mom?”

“Not since before,” she answered vaguely, but the missing words were clear.

“Good riddance then,” she said, “You know there’s always room for you at the house. Hell, you can have your _own_ room now.”

Nicole took a shuddering breath and dropped her eyes back to the cold ground. She felt Wynonna’s hand slip under her collar and ghosting along the nape of her neck.

“It’s ok,” she heard her say, “You’re going to be ok. You know that right?”

“I don’t,” she whimpered, “I don’t know how to be ok again.”

“Come on, that’s not the Nicole Haught I know,” she said, “That’s not my Punk. She’s all swagger and sexy determination.”

“It’s so hard, Wynonna,” her voice cracked, “ _So_ _hard_. It’s like there’s a scream stuck in my chest.”

“I know,” she said softly, “I’m sorry.”

“I just…m-miss…” she tried to say, covering her eyes with her hand again, careful this time not to press enough to cause pain.

“Shh,” Wynonna comforted, squeezing her hand still resting against the back of her neck. After a beat, “You ever think about that night? Couple weeks ago, when I came to your place – “

“Stop,” Nicole said sharply, “I can’t think about that right now. Please.”

Wynonna nodded and, thankfully, let it go.

Nicole sighed, snuffing out the little bit left of the cigarette against the tree and dropped the butt in her jacket pocket.

Wynonna snickered, “I still think it’s ridiculous every time you do that.”

“I’m not going to throw it on the ground,” she defended.

“Yeah, yeah, leave only footprints,” she teased, “God, if I had a buck for every piece of trash you just _had_ to pick up when were just trying to have a woodsy romp.”

Nicole shared her amusement, memories of Wynonna giving her a hard time whenever she came across litter and was compelled to pick up. Shaking her head, she glanced over at the building and felt the slight pick up in her mood come crashing back down.

“You know you have to go in, don’t you?”

She swallowed and turned to face her completely.

“I’m not ready,” she whispered.

“Oh Punk,” she said her name gently, laying her hand against her cheek and rubbing her thumb along reddening skin, “You’re never going to actually be ready.”

Nicole blinked out a tear that stung its way down her freezing cheek.

“Plus, you got all dressed up, don’t you want to show it off?” Wynonna pointed out, tugging on her tie, “Come on, I’ll be with you the whole time.”

Taking a breath, she reluctantly agreed and started towards the looming building. She felt Wynonna arm slide around her elbow, keeping true to her word of staying with her. Once inside, Nicole stepped aside to take a seat in the back; Wynonna, still standing, looked at her in confusion.

“Dude, up front,” she gestured, “Family sits up front.”

“I’m not- “

“If you finish that sentence, I’ll brain you.”

Nicole looked around anxiously, her fingers tapping against her leg before she stood up to do as she was told. Making her way down the aisle, she was all too aware of the looks cast her way. She fought the urge to duck her head and hide her marred face. Though she knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Everyone knew what happened, even without the bruises as evidence, and it made her skin crawl.

When she got to the front, she saw Gus already seated. The woman gave her a sad smile that Nicole just nodded at before taking her seat on the pew across the aisle on her own. Wynonna let out a low whistle as she sat beside her.

“Good turnout, huh?” she commented before looking around, “Blegh, a church.”

“It’s like the don’t know you at all,” Nicole said quietly at the same time Wynonna mumbled, “Like they don’t even know me.”

They shared a small smile and Wynonna bumped her shoulder proudly before Nicole looked across the aisle again. She saw Gus sitting strong and steady with her arm wrapped around Waverly. The younger girl already crying; her entire demeanor was a picture of heartbreak.

“She’s so sad,” Wynonna observed to which Nicole could only nod before she heard, “You’ll look out for her, right?”

The request surprised Nicole and she turned to Wynonna, speaking under her breath, “I don’t think she’d like having me around.”

“I’m serious Nicole,” she showed exactly how serious she was by using her first name, “Promise me, even if she’s a brat who tells you off, just keep your eye on her.”

Nicole looked back over at Waverly just in time for her to look up, her wet, red eyes finding Nicole’s. She could see, beyond the pain, the way those eyes hardened when she caught Nicole staring.

Looking away and clearing her throat, Nicole quietly agreed, “I promise.”

“Good,” she nodded and looked in front of them and clicked her tongue, “At least they chose a good picture. I look hot.”

“You always look hot,” Nicole told her.

“Nah, you’re just good and whipped,” she teased, then ran her hand quickly over Nicole’s thigh when they realized the priest was setting up at the pulpit, “Here we go.”

Nicole didn’t respond; she could barely breathe around the new lump in her throat as the old man’s voice began to fill the church.

“Good morning everyone,” he began, “We gather today as community and family to celebrate the life and mourn the passing of Wynonna Pamela Earp.”

“Fuck, man, they middle named me,” she complained.

And Nicole just felt sick.

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	2. In This Void Like A Crater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wynonna Sunday! 
> 
> It can still be Wynonna Sunday even if the show isn't airing right now. I've decided.
> 
> Many many thanks to everyone for giving this a chance. This one is shorter than the last.  
> Just remember doom and gloom doesn't last forever.

The service went on around her, but Nicole couldn’t focus on any of it. She was too busy working to keep her silent tears from becoming full blown sobs and making even more of a spectacle of herself. Wynonna’s commentary broke through the haze occasionally, but never enough to bring her back completely. At least until Waverly took her place in front of everyone to speak.

Wynonna fell silent and Nicole returned to the moment with painful clarity as they watched her little sister struggle through her words until she apparently couldn’t anymore. Nicole clenched her fists over the impulse to help in some way or offer some kind of comfort. Thankfully, it wasn’t necessary for long as Gus hurried to wrap up her sobbing niece and guide her back to the pew with hushed words in her ear.

“I’m so sorry Baby Girl,” Wynonna said as she watched her sister fall apart.

Nicole swallowed hard, wishing still she could ease the pain she knew Waverly was drenched in, even though she was sure she wouldn’t be welcome in offering it. She wasn’t even capable of helping herself at the moment, how could she possibly hope to help someone else? Especially Waverly, who had never been her biggest fan to begin with.

Ironic since, of all the people who showed up, it was only Waverly and Nicole who truly knew Wynonna. Really knew her beyond first impressions and town reputation.

When it was time to move, Nicole hung back. Following slowly as the procession left the small church for the burial. Dreading this part more than anything, Nicole kept herself separate from the group gathered around the plot.

She could see the dark, polished casket still and stared mournfully as the final prayers were read and it began to lower. The cold cracks in her chest widened with every inch of earth that swallowed it up. She was deeply grateful for Wynonna’s silence while it happened. Already dizzy and nauseous from all the emotions raging within her, she didn’t think she could handle hearing her voice while watching her body go into the ground.

When it was finally done and the crowd began to disperse, Nicole turned away, bracing a hand against the rough bark of a tree. Taking big gulping breaths, her hand clawed at her collar to loosen the tie and release the suffocating buttons of her shirt. When it was finally free and she began to feel like she could breathe again, she felt Wynonna’s hand across her back as she moved to stand in front of her.

“Well, it’s official. I am,” she pointed down and whistled, “in the ground.”

“Wynonna…”

“But I’m still here.,” she gestured over her body, “which means either I’m some kind of ghost, or you’re _some_ kind of crazy.”

Nicole scratched at her temple, wincing when she felt her nails graze her stiches, “You tell me.”

Wynonna shrugged, “Hell if I know. Oof, Hell. Sure hope that shit ain’t real, otherwise- “

“Wynonna,” she said again sharply.

“Ok, ok,” she relented and after a moment reminded Nicole, “I meant what I said, you’re going to be fine.”

“You keep saying that. It doesn’t make any of this easier. It doesn’t make me stop missing you so damn much.” 

“Lucky for you then,” she said, “Looks like you’re still stuck with me.”

Nicole looked at her for a long moment.

“I never felt stuck with you,” she said with tears swimming in her eyes, “You know that don’t you?”

“Aw Punk,” she said with a smile, “I know.”

Nicole blew out a breath and nodded.

Good. She knew. Knows. _Knew._ Whatever. She didn’t know the proper way to think when your dead girlfriend was still hanging around having conversations with you.

God she really had gone crazy.

“You should talk to her,” Wynonna suddenly suggested, tilting her chin over Nicole’s shoulder.

Nicole turned her head to look behind her and saw Waverly standing alone at the grave; shoulders hunched under the weight of her grief.

“No,” she declined, “She won’t want me bothering her.”

“Come on man,” she argued, “You guys are, like, the only people who didn’t show up just to make sure I was actually dead.”

“She doesn’t- “

“You promised,” she interrupted, giving Nicole that look that meant there was no room for argument. She’d gotten in plenty of trouble because of that look.

“Fine,” she hissed quietly.

“Ha! Even dead I got your ass whipped,” she cheered, following along as Nicole made her way over, “Or is it you’re whipped for _my_ ass?”

“It is a good one.”

“Aww come on,” Wynonna said spinning around to walk backwards in front of her, “That’s not how it goes. I mention my ass and you say…”

Nicole felt herself smirk, “Top shelf.”

“Hell yeah it is,” she emphasized with a slap to said ass, earning a chuckle from Nicole.

Bad timing as she approached the younger Earp who turned to her with a glare.

“H-Hey Waverly.”

“What are you doing?” she asked coldly, “Are you laughing? Seriously?”

“No,” she answered quickly, darting her eyes over to Wynonna briefly, “I mean yes but not because…I was-I was just…remembering something.”

“Right,” she said with a scoff, “What fun thing were you remembering at my sister’s funeral?”

“I was- “

“Maybe all the times you guys got too drunk to see straight?” she asked, “Or the time I caught the two of you smoking weed in the basement? Or every time she’d sneak out late to meet you and blew off school the next day?”

“Hey, not cool, Baby Girl,” Wynonna commented pointlessly, “Most of those were ‘cause- “

“No,” Nicole said, stopping Wynonna and answering Waverly at the same time, “No, just, I’m sorry. I just wanted to ask how you’re doing. See if you’re – “

“What? If I’m ok?” she asked, “My sister is dead. Of course, I’m not ok.”

“She’s got a point there, Punk,” Wynonna remarked.

“I know,” Nicole shoved her hands into her pockets, “That was a dumb question.”

“You can say that again,” Wynonna teased.

“I said I know.”

Waverly narrowed her red eyes and crossed her arms.

“God, you’re high right now, aren’t you?”

“What?! No! No,” she answered quickly and shook her head, “I’m just trying to…forget it,” she glanced at Wynonna with an apologetic face before mumbling, “M’sorry for bothering you.”

She turned to leave but paused to look at the disturbed ground. Feeling Wynonna lean into her back, her chin resting on her shoulder. It was so painfully familiar; for Nicole to be angry or upset and Wynonna to take that very position. It was her way of offering comfort with her presence rather than words. She closed her eyes, raising her hand to her shoulder, searching.

“You’re not the only one who lost her,” she said softly; opening her eyes and letting her hand drop back to her side. She looked down at her shoes and took a breath, swiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand before looking at Waverly, “And you’re not the only one who loved her.”

Deciding it was time to get the hell out of there and crawl into a bottle of whatever she could get her hands on, Nicole turned to leave. She only got a few steps before-

“Nicole wait.”

She paused, looking back to find Waverly staring at her. Her eyes looked as broken as Nicole felt, but beyond that was something else; something almost gentle. Nicole thought maybe it was recognition. Pain recognizing pain. She waited as Waverly seemed to work through whatever she wanted to say. Wringing her gloved fingers while her mouth opened and closed once without sound.

Then like a snap, that something vanished. A cold replacing it that rivaled the air around them as Waverly stood straight and stiff. Her features stone as she looked straight at Nicole.

“I never knew what she saw in you.”

Nicole breath hitched and she felt Wynonna’s hand grip her arm. She licked her lips and nodded once.

“Me either.”

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	3. Sitting on the Roof of Her Beat Up Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday!
> 
> I don't want to work tomorrow. *sigh*
> 
> Let's see what everyone is up to, shall we?

_“Do you think we’ll still be like this after a few years?” Nicole asked after taking her turn to inhale and passed the rolled cigarette to Wynonna in front of her. She felt the woman’s bare back vibrate against her chest as she chuckled where she leaned against her._

_“I always forget how big brained you get when you’re stoned,” she teased while Nicole’s arms settled around her._

_“I’m serious, though.”_

_“That depends, are you asking if I think we’ll turn into a boring couple that has the same old scheduled sex once a week in the bedroom?” she wondered, “God, I hope not.”_

_It was Nicole’s turn to laugh and pulled her closer._

_“Well, a bed might not be the worst idea now and then,” she pointed out, “Not that I don’t enjoy getting impressions in my ass from your truck.”_

_“Hey, you should be honored to have Eleanor’s mark of approval,” Wynonna said, running a hand along the panel of the truck bed, “She didn’t mean it girl.”_

_Nicole laughed again and accepted the joint once more. Taking a deep inhale and holding it for a second, she got back on track._

_“No, I mean,” she spoke through held breath before letting it go, “Do you see us like this? Still together? Still here?”_

_“Here? Hell, no,” she answered, “The last thing I want is to stick around this place longer than I have to. I’m out of here as soon as I can.”_

_Nicole hummed in response, waiting for what she hoped was an answer to the other part of her question. Daring to ask for her own sake._

_“Alone?”_

_“I mean,” she started, running a and over Nicole’s arm around her waist, “When I picture fucking off from this place without looking back, it’s usually with you in the passenger seat. But if that’s not your jam, I guess that’s not tonight’s problem. “_

_Nicole pressed a kiss to the back of her neck._

_“It’s not a problem at all.”_

The alarm woke Nicole with a jolt, pulling her from the memory that her sleeping mind played over. She groaned at the sticky sweat she’d built under her blanket and instantly pushed the covers off her body, disturbing the large German Shepherd laying across her legs; no doubt a contributor to the heat disturbing her.

He let out a whine and a huff and her movements and stood up, shaking out his body and walking up the bed to lay across her torso and continue cuddling. Unfortunately, Nicole needed the relief of cool air on her skin.

“No,” she complained as his heavy weight dropped on her again, “Not now, Dozer. Come on, get down.”

It took a few moments of her nudging the big dog until he got the point, his large paws hitting the floor with thumps as he jumped on the floor and wandered away. Nicole laid back and breathed in the cool air, relieved to feel it wash over her skin, clad only in a sports bra and shorts. She felt herself begin to drift again back towards sleep, even as she knew she had to get up and get to work soon. Still, she allowed herself to play with the temptation, all the while feeling as though there was something tickling the back of her mind. Like her brain was half remembering something but her half awake state couldn’t quite grasp it.

“Happy Anniversary!”

The sudden voice snapped her back awake a heartbeat before she felt Wynonna jump on the bed, landing in a straddle across her stomach and bouncing. Grunting under the landing, her hands moved on reflex to Wynonna’s hips, holding her there; now fully awake.

“It’s not our anniversary,” she pointed out with amusement.

“Not _our_ anniversary, dummy,” Wynonna said rolling her eyes, “It’s _my_ anniversary.”

“Oh really?” she asked, playing along, “And what anniversary would that be?”

“Aw, don’t tell me you forgot,” she pouted dramatically, “I’m hurt.”

Nicole laughed, moving her hands down to run them over Nicole’s jean-clad thighs, “Tell me then.”

“Ok,” she agreed and played a drumroll on Nicole’s stomach, “I’ve officially been dead three months today. Ta-Da!”

Nicole’s good mood plummeted instantly. She forgot. Again. Of course, she forgot. How could she not when every morning Wynonna was there? Allowing her those few precious moments every day to believe it was real.

She’d long since given up wondering what it meant that her definitely dead girlfriend still hung around to chat with her. That she still felt her touch like nothing had changed. Nicole just accepted at that point that any sanity she had, had slipped out of the cracks in her skull back at the hospital.

So, she was crazy. Ok.

On one hand it was a drawn-out torture for her every day, but the alternative was not having her there at all. Nicole would take the torture if it meant at least having Wynonna in her life in some way. Even if it made her the sad town story who was occasionally caught talking to “herself.’

The ice water of reality that fell over her head each morning she remembered the truth, though, was something she could do without. Before she could stop it, her mind fell back through time again.

_She opened her eye slowly; the other still blacked out by the layered gauze covering it and the side of her head._

_She didn’t really care. She didn’t want to be awake at all, but it kept happening._

_Her limited gaze drifted to her bedside and her heart suddenly lodged into her throat. Tears immediately bursting from her eye._

_“Wyno- “she choked on the name, whether from emotion or the pain rattling her chest, she wasn’t sure._

_“Hey Punk,” her voice danced to her ears and Nicole let out a hard sob at the sound, not caring the pain that flared in her chest from the action._

_“Wynonna,” she tried again and reached for her, “They…They told me you were gone.”_

_Wynonna smirked and took her hand, “Not a chance.”_

“Hey,” her voice, this time not in the past, pulled Nicole out of her head.

Snapping out of the memory, she looked up at Wynonna still settled over her. She ran her hands over her legs again, reminding herself that she was still there, whether or not she was _there_ , and cleared her throat.

“I have to let the dog out before work.”

She brushed her teeth and got dressed, running her hands through her hair in a halfhearted attempt to appear presentable before making her way through the house. It was never much, but now it felt even less with the rooms noticeably emptier.

With her mom’s latest vanishing act lasting the longest yet, Nicole had made the decision on her own to start selling off whatever wasn’t necessary to keep bills paid and both her and Dozer fed. What little she’d had saved had been depleted and her car already sold to chip away at the hospital bills and her paychecks from the hardware store weren’t enough to get it done on their own.

So, she did what she had to do and would deal with the consequences when her mother came back. If she came back at all.

She whistled for Dozer and opened the back door, barely stepping out of his way as the excitable dog flew to the backyard. Nicole learned quickly that the big dog had truly earned the name given to him at the shelter. Dozer, short for Bulldozer, was gifted to him for his tendency to barrel into, and over, people when he was excited.

The screen door fell shut behind her as she stepped out behind him; lighting a cigarette and watching him run around the yard, sniffing the grass for the perfect spot to handle his business.

“Always took you for more of a cat person,” Wynonna mused from beside her.

“Me too.”

“Then why?”

Nicole shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Yeah, you do.”

Nicole looked at her cigarette as she spoke, knowing Wynonna was right again.

“Something in his eyes I think,” she admitted, “He had this …hope when he looked at me. Figure that was something this place needed.”

“Guess that’s fair,” Wynonna commented, “Wish he wouldn’t ignore me though.”

Nicole sighed and scratched at her temple, feeling the pink scar that remained there, “He’s not ignoring you. He doesn’t know you’re there, Wynonna. He doesn’t see you. Nobody does. Just my crazy ass.”

“Hey now,” Wynonna bumped her shoulder, “I love your crazy ass.”

“You and he are the only ones,” she remarked, killing her cigarette and calling out, “Dozer, come on bud.”

After getting him set up, Nicole left for her shift at Al’s Hardware. It wasn’t a glamorous job, and definitely not where she imagined she’d be at 19, but it was a job, and the owner didn’t give her weird pity eyes like so many others in town. She arrived and clocked in where the old man sent her straight to the back to unload the truck.

She gladly got to work. Preferring the more manual side of the job to the slow front of store work that let her mind have too much time to think. She was preparing her last pallet to bring in when she heard a voice that she’d have been happy to never hear again.

“Nicole?” the deep voice said her name, causing her to turn reluctantly towards the speaker.

She looked at him for only a moment before turning back to her work.

“Customers use the front door, Doc,” she told him as she settled the last of the load and began pumping the handle of the pallet jack to wheel it inside.

Fiddling with the hat in his hands, Doc continued his attempt to speak to her.

“Can I have a moment?”

“No,” she said right away, using her weight to pull the load towards the back door.

“Please,” he practically begged her.

“I don’t know,” Wynonna said, sitting on top of the box pile. She looked over at the man, “Aren’t you curious what he has to say? Just a little?”

“No,” Nicole answered immediately, looking straight at Wynonna so there was no doubt who she was speaking to.

She waited until Wynonna held up her hands in surrender before turning to Doc.

“If you’re not here to buy something, leave me alone,” she told him before bringing the inventory inside and pulling down the overhead door before he could try again.

“Little harsh, don’t you think?” Wynonna asked, crossing her arms while leaning against the wall.

“Nope,” she said, going over the clipboard to double check that all the boxes were there.

“You could have heard him out,” she told her, “Have to admit it took balls to show up like that.”

“I spent a year hearing him _and_ seeing him fawn over you when he knew we were together,” she reminded her, “I don’t owe him or his balls, anything. Ok?”

She pulled out her box cutter and started opening them one at a time.

“Following you around every party. Flirting with you every chance he got,” she listed, her movements becoming harsher as she thought about it, “Asking to _escort_ you to my basketball games.”

“Slow down.”

Nicole ignored her as she continued the pattern of slice box, move it over, slice the next, move it over.

“I don’t give a shit if has, _had_ , a crush on you,” Slice. Move,” But he had no respect for our relationship,” Slice. Move, “No respect for me or _us._ ”

“ _We_ were together, and you were happy like that.”

She looked at the final box she needed, imagining Doc’s smirking face as he’d sidle up to Wynonna without a care whether Nicole was right there or not. She stabbed the box harder than necessary, pausing before sliding it through to look at Wynonna.

“Weren’t you?”

The woman gave her a sympathetic look, “Of course.”

“Right,” Nicole looked back at the box, “But that selfish, cowboy didn’t give -Ah!”

Her words fell into a shout of pain as the blade cut into her hand. She jumped back and shook the limb, “Damn it!”

“Shit, are you ok?”

Nicole grit her teeth and nodded, cradling her hand. There was a fair amount of blood already present, so she went to the small breakroom and used the sink to wash it off and get a better look at the damage. Wincing under the cold water, she was able to see the clean cut running down the outside of her thumb.

“Perfect,” she grunted, using her other hand to pull the first aid kit from the cabinet and open a large band-aid with her teeth.

Setting it as well as she could with one hand, she was eventually satisfied with the haphazard job. She flexed her fingers a few times and wiggled her thumb, luckily finding that, beyond the sting that action caused, nothing serious seemed to be wrong.

“Nicole,” she heard Al call through the back.

“Yeah?” she answered with a clenched jaw, attempting not to throw her agitation at the old man.

“I’m stepping out, need you up front while I’m gone.”

“Coming.”

She let out a heavy sigh and made her way out. Sitting on the stool behind the counter an hour later, she had already done all the busy work she could think of around the few customers that had been in that day.

That meant it was just her and her troubled mind to keep her company.

“How’s the hand?”

And Wynonna, of course.

“S’fine,” she mumbled, looking at the bandage, “Had worse.”

“I know,” she agreed sadly, draping her arm over her shoulders, wrapping it loosely around her neck and leaning against her, “Was kind of hoping you were done getting hurt though.”

Nicole placed her unharmed hand to hang on the arm in front of her, “Same.”

“Listen, about Doc- “

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

“I’m aware. So just listen,” Wynonna requested, “Doc was before I met you.”

“I know.”

“And it was just fun. It was never anything more. Not for me. Not like with you, ok? We were real, and I’ve always been happy with you. Even when you drove me nuts. Nothing changes that.”

She placed a kiss to the side of Nicole’s head, “Promise.”

Nicole squeezed her fingers around her forearm and tilted her head back to give her a small smile. The moment settled between them.

“And speaking of promises…” Wynonna started, moving to jump up and sit on the counter in front of her, “Seen Waverly lately?”

Nicole scratched her temple again, “You know I haven’t.”

Wynonna clicked her tongue, “Now I’ve never known you to be a liar, Punk.”

“It’s not like I’m spending a lot of time out and about where I’d run into her,” she offered as an excuse, “Plus you saw how well it went last time. I don’t know what you expect me to do.”

The bell above the door rang and Wynonna crossed her arms.

“I expect you to figure it out ‘cause you’ve got customers.”

Nicole looked around Wynonna and felt her spine stiffen when she realized Gus and Waverly were now entering the store.

Shit.

Gus spoke first when they reached the counter.

“Hello Nicole,” she greeted with a kind smile, “How are you, hon? Haven’t seen much of you these days?”

“Yeah,” she cleared her throat, “You know, been busy with work and all.”

Gus looked around the empty shop before looking back to her with a knowing look, “I see that.”

Nicole fiddled pointlessly with the pens at the register, feeling caught in her clear avoidance.

“Um, what can I do for you today?”

Gus took the change of subject with a nod.

“South fence is rotting away. Surprised it’s lasted this long,” she told her, “I need to order some wood and if you have a name for someone who can do the job honestly, I’d appreciate it.”

“You have the measurements?” Nicole asked, glad to have a script now to get through the conversation, when Gus nodded and handed her the information on a slip of paper, Nicole began preparing the order form, “It’ll take about a week to come in.”

“More than fine,” she nodded, writing out a check after when she saw the total and handing it over, “and the names?”

“Gus,” Waverly said softly, speaking for the first time, “I told you Champ can handle it.”

Looking at her niece, Gus looked at her as though they’d had this conversation already, “Let’s just look at our options then.”

Nicole made a point to keep her eyes on the rolodex of contractors Al kept for this purpose, doing her best to appear as though she wasn’t listening. She wrote some names and numbers on their copy of the order and gave it over.

“I don’t know any of them personally, but never had any complaints from people they’ve worked for.”

“Wonderful, thank you.”

“Anything else I can do for you?” she asked, hoping terribly that the answer was no so they could leave and allow her to breathe again.

“Actually,” she began carefully after sharing another look with Waverly, “I need one of those For Sale signs, too.”

She pulled out her wallet as Nicole blinked curiously, “Uh, yeah.”

She took it upon herself to grab one from the nearby shelf and set it on the counter to ring up.

“That’s $1.19.”

Gus handed her a five and Nicole tried to appear nonchalant as she gathered her change.

“So…finally selling that old tractor?” she asked, trying not to seem like she was prying into their business, but there was a strange new pit in her stomach for some reason, “I can put a notice on the board if you want.”

Gus was quiet for a moment, doing nothing to help that sinking feeling.

“No, actually,” she said, and Nicole had no idea why her heart was pounding so hard, “The truck.”

“What?!” Wynonna barked at the same time Nicole dropped the coins in her hand, hearing them bounce across the floor.

“The…” she blinked again trying to register the news before remembering the change and quickly moving to replace them and just pick up what she’d dropped later. She set it down on the counter before her shaking hand could drop it again, “You’re…selling her truck? But…”

“I know, darlin’, but the thing’s been on it’s last legs for years and it’s just- “

“You can’t,” she whispered and shook her head. Some stranger in Wynonna’s truck? In _Eleanor_? Riding around in the truck Wynonna loved? The truck they’d spent so much time in? Or worse, ripping it to shreds for parts?

“I know it’s hard, Nicole,” Gus tried to explain gently, “We didn’t come to the decision easy.”

“We?” Nicole repeated, her eyes falling to Waverly who seemed to be refusing to look her way.

“They can’t do that!” Wynonna complained beside her, “You can’t let them, Nicole, come on. It’s _mine._ They don’t get to decide- “

“It’s just sitting there, Nicole,” Gus drew her attention back, “If someone can get use from it…”

Nicole’s eyes pinched shut, trying to wrap her head around what was happening while Gus and Wynonna continued talking around her.

“…even for parts, it makes more sense.”

“How much?” Nicole heard herself ask suddenly, her eyes opening and darting from Wynonna to Gus desperately. Swallowing hard, she repeated herself, “How much are you asking? I’ll buy it.”

“How are you going to afford- “Waverly started with a scoff.

“I’ll make it work,” Nicole snapped in her direction before turning her pleading eyes to the older woman, “Please. Just tell me. I’ll do whatever it takes. I can make it work.”

Gus looked her over, making Nicole feel as though she was being sized up. Knowing the woman was likely searching for some sort of proof of the legitimacy of her claim. Even as she said it Nicole’s mind was already running through her options for following through. There was more she could sell; she’d held on to the tv so far, but she could live without it. There had to be more.

She could get a second job. Or a third if she had to.

She just needed a number.

“Please,” she said again, sounding pathetic and begging even to herself.

After a moment, Gus seemed to settle whatever her mind had been working over and she let out a sigh.

“Tell you what,” she started, “I think I know what we can do.”

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	4. Lost In A World That I Can't Rewind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wynonna Sunday!
> 
> Posting this later in the day than I planned but hopefully you forgive me! 
> 
> Also I realize I forgot to mention it here ( cause I put it in a note at the end of my last story) this fic is largely inspired by the song "Go Tonight" from the musical The Mad Ones. I highly suggest giving it a listen if you have the time!

_Nicole looked around as she peeked out the door, making sure no one was around before slipping out. She kept it from closing all her way with a notebook against the jamb and stepped aside to lean back against the wall. One more glance around her to confirm she was in fact alone, she pulled out a cigarette from the crumpled pack in her bag and lit it. Feeling her anxiousness begin to ease at the first inhale in her lungs._

_She closed her eyes and let herself just enjoy the first touch of peace and quiet of the day._

_“You know smoking on school property is a big no-no,” The voice startled her eyes open and she saw a girl walking towards her, “Lucado will have your ass. There’s no place for a degenerate punk in her school. Her words.”_

_Nicole swallowed and nervously looked at the stranger as she got closer, “I’m not a… I was just- “_

_“Holding it for a friend?” she interrupted and took the cigarette out of Nicole’s hands to take a puff of her own, “Good job.”_

_Confused, Nicole watched her smoke with practiced ease, “You’re not gonna tell?”_

_“Tell who what?” she said with a smirk, offering it back to her and leaning against the wall as well, “Unclench, dude. Why do you think I have that phrase memorized?”_

_Nicole relaxed a bit and let herself start smoking again without worry._

_“I don’t know you. You new?”_

_“What, you know everyone in school?”_

_She let out a laugh, “In this tiny shit hole? Pretty much.”_

_Nicole nodded. That made sense she supposed. From what she’d seen of Purgatory it was a pretty small town._

_“First day,” she told her, handing her the cigarette again, “I’m Nicole.”_

_She smiled, “Wouldn’t peg someone called Nicole as a punk.”_

_“What’s your name, then?”_

_“I’m shocked my reputation hasn’t preceded me,” she remarked, “I’m Wynonna.”_

_Nicole snickered, “And_ my _name is silly.”_

_“Hey,” she remarked, “I didn’t say silly. Just unexpected. Respect the Wy, punk.”_

_Nicole laughed at that and moved to take another smoke when they heard the door being pushed open. In shock she turned to look, barely registering the feeling of the cigarette being taken from her hand as a head popped out through the door._

_“What’s going on out here?” the woman’s asked sharply._

_“Hey Ms. Clanton,” Wynonna said brightly, “Nothing much. New girl was giving me a hard time about smoking. Guess you got another stickler on your hands.”_

_The woman looked between the two girls and settled a glare on Wynonna, “Put that out, Earp. Mrs. Lucado will be interested in another chat with you about this.”_

_She pushed the door open completely and pointed inside. Wynonna tossed the butt on the ground and picked up Nicole’s notebook. Waving it in her direction, she left with a wink._

_“See you around, Punk.”_

* * *

X

* * *

Nicole rubbed her face and groaned, slamming her phone on the countertop.

“This is so stupid,” she complained after the video was out of sight.

In the days since taking Gus up on her offer, she’d spent all her free time researching the topic, watching videos, and awkwardly asking Al for advice. She might have fibbed a bit when Gus asked if she knew what to do. In theory she did know, but in practice not so much.

“Yeah, you really got yourself in a spot, huh?”

She groaned again at Wynonna’s words and scratched at her scar. Wynonna was only confirming what she already knew.

“This is a disaster,” she complained, “I’m gonna fuck it up and piss everyone off. Your truck is going to end up in a junkyard or rotting away at Arby’s place.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Wynonna replied instantly, “Eleanor deserves more than to be spend the rest of her life getting filled with his fast-food farts.”

“Ugh,” Nicole shook her head at the description, “Well, if I screw this up- “

“You won’t screw it up,” she argued, “Come on you’re handy as hell, a total stereotype. You got this.”

“Unclogging a sink and putting a bookshelf together is hardly the same level as replacing a whole fence.”

“I _said_ ,” she repeated, putting her hand on both sides of her head and tilting it back to look up at her, “you’ve got this. Have I ever lied to you?”

Nicole let out a laugh and sniffled, “Do you want me to answer that?”

Wynonna rolled her eyes and swiped hair away from Nicole’s forehead, “I mean about something important, dingus.”

Shaking her head, Nicole took a breath, “I guess we’re about to find out.”

* * *

X

* * *

“I don’t get why you’re doing this,” Waverly told her aunt, “If you didn’t want Champ to do it, just hire someone like you were going to.”

“I did hire someone,” she answered with a smirk as she stirred the lemonade she was making.

“No, you’re doing a favor,” she argued, “Isn’t the point of selling the truck to _sell_ it?”

“The _point_ , sweet niece, is to let it go to someone who will get some use out of it. A trade works just as well to do that. Now sit.”

Waverly dropped into the chair and stared at the plate in front of her.

“I just think if you’re so fine with someone doing it who isn’t a professional, you could’ve let Champ. He said he would, and you know he was always helping Uncle Curtis out when he was alive.”

“Honey, I’m there’s plenty that boy is good at, but working quickly ain’t one of them,” she told her, “Yes, your uncle took him on for plenty of jobs, but damn if I didn’t have to hear about his lollygagging every time.”

Waverly couldn’t argue with that. Champ wasn’t exactly motivated to do much that didn’t have to do with cattle roping or trying to convince her to finally have sex with him. She sighed and picked at the salad placed in front of her.

“Well what makes you think _Nicole_ will do any better?” she asked pointedly.

“Cause she’s working for something,” Gus reminded her.

“But- “

“Honey, it’s settled,” she said firmly, “I suggest you find a way to live with it in the meantime.”

Gus took a sip of her lemonade.

“And you might try being nice when you see her around here,” Gus advised, “I never understood what you had against that girl. You know how important she was to your sister.”

Losing her appetite, Waverly abruptly stood and snapped, “Trust me, I’m aware.”

Gus sighed as she walked away, her eyes moving to linger on the empty chairs around her.

Waverly was just stepping on the stairs when she heard the knocking on the front door. She knew who it would be and wondered if she could get away with pretending she was too far upstairs to answer.

“Waverly, get the door please.”

So much for that.

She made sure to stomp loud enough for her aunt to hear. It was bratty and petulant, but she honestly didn’t care at the moment.

Nicole was working to catch her breath on the porch and taken back when the door quickly swung open; she quickly pulled herself to stand up straight. Swallowing in her dry throat, she tried to appear as if she hadn’t already worn herself out biking to the homestead.

“Hey,” she greeted awkwardly, “How’s it…”

Waverly already turned away from her and shouting into the house.

“Gus, it’s for you,” she called out and walked away.

“…going.” Nicole finished lamely and looked at Wynonna, raising an eyebrow at yet more evidence that her younger sister wanted nothing to do with her.

Wynonna only shrugged as Gus came into view farther in the house.

“Hi Nicole, come on in,” she invited.

Nicole felt the lead in her feet standing just outside the doorway. Her hesitation to do what the woman asked was clear to anyone looking.

She hadn’t been in the homestead since before Wynonna died. She hadn’t thought about this part. Of course, she’d be expected to go inside. It was probably nothing for the woman to invite her, but to Nicole, she was standing at the mouth of a monster. The doorway covered with teeth, beckoning her forward to be swallowed up.

“You think it’s gonna bite?” Wynonna asked, as if reading her mind. Though maybe, if she existed within it, that was exactly what she was doing, “Go ahead.”

“I…” she started quietly to Wynonna before she saw Gus approaching curiously, “I just figure it’s probably best to get started, right?”

Stopping in front of her, Gus tilted her head with a small smile, “Sure. So, come on in and we’ll just go over everything proper.”

Nicole’s eyes drifted to Wynonna again, this time causing Gus to follow her eyes to look as well. However, it wasn’t her niece that she saw, instead she noticed the rocky driveway.

“Where’s your car?” she asked realizing it wasn’t there, “Did your mom drop you off?”

“Oh, um, no she’s…not around right now,” she cleared her throat and gestured to the bicycle resting against the house, “I took my bike.”

“You rode your bike all this way?” Gus asked in wonder, no doubt calculating the distance in her head, “Hell girl, if something’s wrong with your car you should have called for a ride, I would’ve picked you up.”

At Nicole’s silence, Gus sighed, “Well you’re getting a ride back tonight.”

“No, you don’t have to- “

“Now have I ever let you argue with me, Nicole Haught?”

Nicole felt her cheeks blush at the full named reprimand and looked at her boots, “No ma’am.”

“That’s what I thought,” she nodded, “Now you’re wasting daylight. Get in here, have something to drink and we’ll get this going, yeah?”

Gus turned away, leaving no more room for delay. Wynonna put a hand on her shoulder and tipped her head towards the doorway.

“You heard the woman,” she said, throwing a smile at Nicole.

Taking a breath, Nicole carefully moved her foot across the threshold. She followed with her other foot and stood for a moment just inside. She didn’t know what she expected, maybe the floor to vanish and send her dropping into the earth at the first sign of her weight on the wood. But nothing happened.

So, she took another step, and then another, following the woman towards the kitchen table. She was careful not to let her eyes wander from her feet to any reminders that may be scattered through the house. Nicole already felt like she was slipping through some sort of dangerous territory as it was, she couldn’t tempt it.

“Well now, I hope you’re planning to work at a faster pace than this,” Gus joked, causing Nicole to look up.

When she did, though, she didn’t just see Gus. She saw Wynonna sitting at the table with her aunt, smiling and waiting for her.

Seeing her there, just sitting in the house as if nothing changed…the air suddenly felt different.

_“Hey Punk, you’re staying for dinner, aren’t you?”_

It was like the oxygen was something solid around her; squeezing her body and impossible to take into her lungs to help herself.

_“C’mon, I told Gus here that you had manners.”_

Her knees wobbled beneath her and Nicole feared she was about to fall over. She hurried towards the chair on muscle memory and fell into it before she could hit the ground; the table rattling as she landed. Her head fell into her hands as she searched for her bearings.

“Whoa!” she heard from Wynonna behind her at the same time Gus came to her side.

“Honey, are you ok?” Gus asked worriedly, laying a hand on her back. Right where Wynonna’s had been a moment ago, the older woman’s touch vanishing hers away.

“Don’t,” Nicole flinched, causing Gus to remove her hand from the tense back; allowing Nicole to feel Wynonna once more and ease her muscles.

“What’s wrong, Nicole?” at the same time Wynonna asked, “What’s going on?”

“M’ok,” Nicole mumbled, face still leaning heavily in her palms, “Guess the ride took more out of me than I thought.”

It was a believable excuse. Or maybe it wasn’t an excuse at all. Maybe that did have _something_ to do with it.

“Here, drink this,” Gus suggested, putting a glass of water in front of her. Nicole took it with both hands and swallowed the cold drink down quickly. She took a few breaths, hoping to steady herself enough to keep the woman’s worry at bay.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, embarrassed at the display she’d put on in front of Gus, “I’m-I’m already feeling better. I’m good to get started. Sorry.”

“You’re starting nothin’,” she said, “We’ll go over the plans and details and such, you’ll stay for dinner and we’ll give you a ride home. Tomorrow you can get started, hear me?”

Nicole nodded, keeping her eyes on the table as she picked ran her fingers over the glass.

“Good,” Gus said, glad to have it settled, “What’s wrong with your car? You think it will be ready soon?”

Nicole swallowed, feeling guilty for letting the woman continue to think her car was at the shop rather than having sold it to keep the lights on. But she was already feeling sorry for her enough.

“No,” she answered, “It’ll be a little while.”

“Ok, then someone will pick you up, too.”

Nicole rubbed her eyes and finally managed to look up at the woman, “Why are you doing all this? Working with me?”

“Well that depends, if you want to keep it simple,” she started, “You want the truck, I need my fence fixed. It can be as simple as that,” she paused, “But if you want to go deeper…You’re a good kid, Nicole. You loved my niece something fierce. And she loved you right back. I know losing her- “

“I d…” Nicole interrupted and cleared her throat, “Can we keep it simple then? I’m sorry, I just…”

She trailed off, not able to form the proper words the woman deserved for explanation. It seemed to be unnecessary, however as Gus just nodded her head in understanding.

“Ok,” she said gently, “Let me show you what going on.”

She brought out the plans and went over measurements and what was expected of her. It was still pretty daunting to be trusted with the job, but she felt a little better at seeing it all laid out. It also helped to distract Nicole from her surroundings, even as Wynonna remained silent and steady, running her fingers along her back the entire time. The heavy feeling didn’t completely leave her, however, until they stepped outside.

“Better?” Wynonna asked softly while her aunt pointed to the fence at the far end of the property.

Nicole looked at her from the corner of her eye and nodded, carefully not to be outwardly obvious. As she began to feel more comfortable away from the house, Nicole pulled out her cigarettes without realizing it. She wasn’t completely aware of her actions until she heard Gus click her tongue beside her. At the disapproving sound, she looked at the woman.

“Oh, sorry,” she cleared her throat and hid the pack carton away again, “Bad habit, I know.”

“No good on your health either,” Gus pointed out, even though she knew Nicole was well aware of the dangers of the habit, “Speaking of health, how’ve you been, physically? How’s your head?”

Nicole couldn’t stop the sudden laugh that escaped her at the question. Gus looked at her strangely, but Nicole couldn’t help it.

It was innocent enough to ask, but with Wynonna still at her side Nicole only had one thought.

If she only knew.

X

X

X


	5. I Unravel Until I Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I missed my Sunday update time. Sorry everyone, but between some business of the Halloweekend and mental health anxieties, I couldn't get this ready on time. 
> 
> Hope you're all doing well and taking care of yourselves!

Nicole stepped out of the shower, swiping her wet hair out of her face with one hand and holding the towel around her body with the other, as she walked across the room to the closet. Grabbing a pair of old jeans, she tossed them onto the bed before moving to the dresser. She fought the sticking drawer to open it and find a shirt to work in. Digging around for one, she paused when she uncovered one that had been shoved towards the back of the drawer.

She grabbed it carefully and held it up, her fingers playing with the bottom as a small smile tugged at her lips.

_As soon as Nicole got settled in the passenger seat of Wynonna’s truck, her girlfriend looked at her._

_“I got you something.”_

_“What?”_

_“It’s nothing big or anything,” she said, reaching down and retrieving a plastic shopping bag, “I just saw it and thought of you.”_

_She tossed the bag into Nicole’s lap who reached inside and pulled out a shirt. She held it up to get a good look, smirking at the navy muscle shirt with the word ‘LOYAL’ across the chest. She turned it around towards Wynonna._

_“Loyal, huh?”_

_Wynonna shrugged, “Like I said, made me think of you. You know, cause you’re loyal, like …a family dog. Plus, it was, like, seven bucks.”_

_This got a laugh out of Nicole._

_“Every girl’s dream,” she joked, “being compared to a dog.”_

_“Well_ my _dream is to have an excuse to see them biceps more often,” she winked._

_“In that case,” Nicole grinned, dropping the shirt back to her lap and leaning over the gear shift, “I love it.”_

_“Of course, you do,” she answered, “I kick ass at gift giving.”_

_Nicole smiled in the kiss they shared, Wynonna’s fingers trailing down her cheek as they parted._

_“Now show me some of that skin, woman.”_

Nicole sighed and carefully folded the shirt back up, returning it to the dresser.

“You should wear it today.”

Nicole turned to Wynonna with a small shake of her head.

“I don’t want to ruin it.”

“But you’re going to be doing all the sweaty, sexy work,” she reasoned, “Should let your arms breathe.”

“You’re half right,” she answered, running the towel over her limbs, and grabbing her underwear and a sports bra, “Sweaty, yes.”

“I said what I said,” she affirmed then grabbed Nicole’s shoulders and turned her so they were facing each other. Her fingers ran over her collarbones slowly, a thoughtful look on her face.

“What is it?” Nicole asked, covering Wynonna’s hands as she waited for an answer to what she was thinking so hard about.

After a few moments, Wynonna looked her in the eyes.

“You ever think about that night?” she asked softly, causing Nicole to drop her hands almost instantly.

“Don’t,” she said and turned around to finish getting dressed.

“You have to.”

“Stop it,” she snapped, flicking out her jeans before putting them on.

“Nicole- “

“If you’re in my head,” she started, marching over to blindly grab a shirt and shove it on, “Then you know what I think, right? So, you don’t have to ask all the time, do you?”

“Maybe,” she answered, as always being vague about how this whole vision of the dead girl worked, “Maybe you think about it without _really_ thinking about it. Or maybe you think about it too much.”

“Or maybe you- “Nicole’s words were interrupted when she heard a car honking just outside.

She glanced at the window behind her and then looked at the time.

“Shit!” she hissed, realizing she must have spent longer than she thought standing there thinking. She hurriedly put on her socks and shoved her feet into her boots.

Swiping back her hair again, she rushed outside to apologize to Gus and aske for a couple more minutes to get Dozer set up. But once she got outside, her feet stuttered to a stop in surprise. It wasn’t Gus waiting in the driveway, it was Waverly’s jeep idling there with her sitting there looking all kinds of impatient.

Shaking herself out of the shock, she approached the driver side door.

“What are…Where’s Gus?”

“She told me to get you on my way home,” she said, sounding less than thrilled about that fact, leaving her eyes on her phone as she spoke, “Are you ready or what?”

“I, uh, I lost track of time. I just need to let Dozer out. Is that ok?”

“What?” Waverly asked, annoyed as she looked up from her phone to turn her burning eyes on her.

“My dog,” she explained, “I’m going to be gone all day and he needs to- “

“You have a dog?”

Nicole nodded and Waverly let out a sigh, looking back at her phone, “Fine, whatever.”

“Thanks,” she said quietly and turned to go back in.

“You can,” Waverly heard herself starting, surprising even herself as Nicole turned to face her again, “You can bring him with you. If you want.”

“Oh, are you sure?”

Waverly shrugged and returned her eyes to her phone, “No reason not to.”

Nicole nodded again and went to retrieve Dozer. She entered the house and called out for the dog while she grabbed the lease.

“What did I tell you?” Wynonna asked as the sound of Dozer’s heavy footsteps sounded from the hallway, “She doesn’t hate you.”

“Your aunt is making her give me a ride,” she pointed out, “That hardly means she-oof!”

She grunted when Dozer collided with her legs, his tail flying back and forth behind him when he saw the leash in her hands

“She invited your werewolf to come over,” Wynonna responded, nodding at the dog, “That’s totally an olive branch.”

“Sure,” Nicole mumbled, clipping the leash to Dozer’s collar and kneeling in front of him. She gave his head a few pets before holding it gently on either side, so he looked at her.

“Listen to me buddy, we’re going for a ride and- “she had to pause when he started bouncing excitedly at the ‘r’ word, “Hey, hey. You’re going to behave, right? Be on your best behavior?”

Dozer continued to jump, swiping his tongue against Nicole’s face as he did. Nicole sighed and scratched behind his ears.

“Ok, let’s go.”

She wrapped the other end of the leash around her hand, already anticipating the burst that would come as soon as he saw the door open.

“Shotgun!” Wynonna declared brightly.

Nicole rolled her eyes and opened the front door, planting her feet and tightening her grip as Dozer did exactly as she’d expected, trying for that initial explosion outside. He calmed down enough at her resistance, no longer trying to run, but still no less excited.

“You sure it’s ok?” she asked again as they approached the jeep.

Waverly had smiled when she saw the large animal, forgetting her intent to make sure Nicole knew exactly what an inconvenience it all was for her. But at Nicole’s words, she remembered herself and snapped.

“I said it’s fine,” she said sharply, “Let’s go already.”

“Right, sorry,” she apologized again, feeling like that was all she did around Waverly, and opened the passenger door, “Up.”

Dozer jumped into the jeep, immediately climbing over the passenger seat, planting his front paws on Waverly’s leg, and sniffing her face erratically.

“Oh!” she squeaked, “Hello there.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Nicole said quickly, trying to pull the dog off of her, “Come on.”

His whipping tail thumped against Nicole as he remained where he was, licking Waverly’s chin and cheek several times, causing her to laugh.

“Aw, he’s just friendly,” she said through her laugh, “Aren’t your cutie? What’s your name, huh? What’s your name?”

Nicole felt Wynonna smack her back with her palm and then gave her an ‘I told you so’ smirk at the scene. She had to admit it was actually nice to see. She couldn’t remember a time when Waverly ever appeared the least bit happy in her presence.

“Dozer,” she offered his name to Waverly, assuming she hadn’t cared enough to pay attention when she’d mentioned it before. At the sound of Nicole’s voice, reminding her she was there, Waverly reigned in her smile and ran her hand over the dog’s head a few times.

“Well,” she said, patting his side, “Gus is waiting.”

Nicole glanced to Wynonna who shrugged sympathetically and after more encouragement, she was able to get Dozer to hop into the backseat so Nicole could get in the jeep. Once she closed the door, Waverly took off for the homestead without a word.

In the awkward silence, Nicole caught Wynonna in the reflection of the mirror; the woman tilting her head at her sister. Nicole swallowed and scratched her temple, eyes flicking between Waverly and the road a few times before giving it a try.

“Thanks again for letting me bring him,” she started, wringing her fingers in her lap, “I feel bad leaving him alone all day.”

Waverly stayed silent as she drove, keeping her focus solely on the road ahead of her as if Nicole hadn’t said a word.

“It’ll be nice for him. Having all that space to run around, you know?” she tried again. When she got the same result, she decided to leave it. Propping her elbow on the window frame and resting her jaw against her fist, she sighed quietly.

So much for that olive branch.

When the tires pulled into the gravel drive, Waverly practically ran away from the car, not bothering to pause as she blew by aunt on the porch. Nicole rubbed her face before pushing open the door, letting Dozer jump down to join her.

The dog seemed surprisingly subdued as he stayed beside her in the new environment. Maybe he sensed her unease since he kept looking up at her as he trotted along.

“See you brought a coworker,” Gus commented from where she sat on the porch watching their approach.

“Hope it’s ok,” Nicole said, fiddling with the leash.

“We got the land for him to run,” Gus nodded, “Long as he doesn’t go digging up my garden, I don’t see a problem.”

“Her and those damn tomatoes,” Wynonna remarked.

Nicole looked down at Dozer, praying the dog wouldn’t cause any trouble for the woman who was already being so accommodating.

“Well don’t just stand around catching flies,” Gus advised, “Go on and get started. Remember where everything is?”

“Yes ma’am.”

She unhooked Dozer’s leash, allowing him to wander the property, though she noticed he continued to look back at her and never didn’t seem to go far enough to lose sight of her.

She put on her gloves as she got to the barn and started to load enough new wood for the first section onto the trailer one by one. Already sweating by the time, she tossed the tools on top of the wood and straddled the ATV to take everything out to the property line.

She tilted her head back in the sun, letting the light breeze from the slow drive brush over her skin. A grin crept onto her face when she heard Dozer bark and run after her, tongue hanging out happily as he caught up and trotted alongside the vehicle.

“Damn, Punk,” Wynonna’s voice came in her ear while she felt her body press snuggly against her back on the ride, “Should’ve made you a farm hand long time ago. It’s hot as hell.”

Nicole laughed at that, feeling her teeth graze her ear lobe as she slowed to a stop at their destination.

“Should’ve known you’d be into it. They way you love those nights in the barn,” she remembered as she stepped onto the grass.

Wynonna smiled wide and leaned back to prop her feet on the handles of the ATV.

“I do like a roll in the hay,” she said, pausing before adding, “Or, did, I guess.”

Nicole’s smile fell with a quiet, “Yeah,” and she got to it. First taking down the old wood of the first section of fence.

Gus was right, it was well overdue for relacing. The planks and posts were deteriorating and weathered from years in the elements.

She grunted and huffed through the work, dislodging, and taking down the planks. She half-wished she had thought to bring her headphones with her, but then she wouldn’t have Wynonna’s running commentary.

Wynonna letting out a slow whistle as she successfully dug up post and started dragging it over to the pile she’d created.

“Shiiit, Haught,” she praised, “If I weren’t underground right now, I’d damn sure be under you.”

Nicole laughed, dropping the end of the post she’d been pulling. Pulling the bottom of her shirt up to wipe away the sweat on her brow.

“Yeah? Better than watching the basketball games?” she asked, “Cause I know how much you enjoyed that.”

“Oh, hell yeah,” she said without hesitation, “Don’t have all those other dorks in the way this time.”

Nicole shook her head, “They weren’t dorks, they were the other players.”

“Like I said, dorks,” she smiled, “You were the only one worth watching. Everyone knew it.”

“Pretty sure there’s plenty of people who’d disagree. Basically, anybody who wasn’t you,” she said as she squatted down to grab the post again.

“Oh yeah?” Wynonna challenged, “Why don’t you ask your audience?”

Scrunching her forehead, Nicole stood up and looked behind her, lifting her hand to shade her eyes from the sun in front of her.

Off near the house, she could just make out a small silhouette.

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	6. The Space You Left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Hi!
> 
> Well I missed this past Wynonna Sunday Post because ...well the emotions of the weekend. You know. I wanted to just bask in it, ya know?  
> And I'm posting this in between last Sunday and this coming one because I won't be able to post this weekend either. So hopefully this tides you over!
> 
> (Don't get used to midweek posts because I really want to keep to the Sunday schedule even if these last updates don't reflect that :D )

_Wynonna crept down the stairs, carefully avoiding the steps she knew tended to creak and alert the sleeping house. She looked behind her, double checking for a sign that her aunt or sister were moving around while keeping her phone to her ear._

_“I’m on my way,” she whispered, “No, no shut up. I don’t care. I’m coming. I’ll be there soon, ok?”_

_She put her phone away as she got to the landing and gasped when she found herself face to face with Waverly._

_“Jesus!” she hissed, “What are you creeping around for?”_

_“I was getting water- “Waverly started to answer, cut off by her sister’s waving hand._

_“Shh!” she instructed, “Be quiet.”_

_“Are you seriously sneaking out again?” she asked in a harsh whisper, “Wynonna it’s Tuesday! You can’t keep going out and ditching classes the next day because your girlfriend’s …horny.”_

_“First of all, don’t say horny. It’s weird,” she said, “Second, I gotta go.”_

_Her sister grabbed her arm before she could walk away._

_“Wynonna!” she hissed again, “This is ridiculous. It’s your senior year! If Nicole actually cared about you and your future, she wouldn’t- “_

_“BabyGirl, “she interrupted, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_She pulled her arm away and went to the door. She paused after opening to point at Waverly, “Keep your mouth shut, ok?”_

_She quietly slipped out without waiting for a response. Getting in her car, she drove quickly through the dark streets until she reached her destination. Pulling up to the park entrance, her headlights immediately revealed the lone figure hunched on the park bench._

_Wynonna kicked her door open without bothering to turn off the truck, allowing the headlights to remain as she hurried over._

_“Hey,” she breathed out as she reached her, kneeling in front of Nicole on the bench. She gently slid her hands over her face, brushing Nicole’s hair back. The lights from the truck illuminated the blooming bruise painted on her cheek bone. Upon seeing it, Wynonna looked down and let out a slow breath before bringing her face back up and declaring, “I’m gonna kill that bitch.”_

_“It’s fine,” Nicole mumbled and sniffed once, “Told you, you didn’t have to come.”_

_Wynonna slid her hand to rest on the back of her neck, bringing their foreheads together._

_“And I told you,” she said with determination, “_ Whenever _you need me, I’ll be here. That’s a promise.”_

* * *

Nicole swung the hammer again, driving the post deeper into the ground. As the impact vibrated up her arms, her feet wobbled back a few steps, the work of the day having drained her at that point.

She let the hammer’s head drop against the ground with a thud and leaned against the long handle, breathing heavy. She could feel her shirt, drenched with sweat, sticking to her back.

“Shit,” she breathed out between breaths, pressing a hand to her lower back as she arched it to try stretching it out, “The things I do for you.”

“Yeah,” Wynonna said with a teasing smile as she sat atop the post, swinging her legs back and forth, “But you _looove_ me.”

Nicole let out a breathy chuckle and adjusted her grip on the handle to continue working, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Time for a break, Punk.”

Nicole shook her head, “I’m almost done with this section. Get down before we find out what happens if I try to smack you with this.”

It was her second day working on the fence, Gus allowing her to come out every other day in between days at the hardware store. It was tiring as hell, but she had a mission, and she was damn sure going to accomplish it.

“Nah,” Wynonna shook her head, refusing to move and causing Nicole to drop the hammer back down, “I think it’s time for a break now.”

Nicole wanted to dismiss her again but paused when she heard Dozer barking nearby behind her. She turned, seeing her dog trotting towards her, but he wasn’t alone.

To Nicole’s surprise, Waverly was coming over as well, holding something in her hands. She leaned the tool against the planks and straightened as the other girl came to a stop near the fence. Waverly took a moment, tapping her fingers against what she could now see was a drinking glass, and seemed to be looking over the work Nicole had done so far.

“Looking good,” she offered after a second.

Nicole nodded, “Thanks.”

Dozer barked again, bumping his head into Waverly, forcing her to adjust her grip on the glass as some liquid sloshed over the side onto her hand.

“Dozer,” Nicole chastised, then looked at Waverly, “Sorry. He’s still learning that’s not the way to ask for attention.”

“No, he’s fine,” she told her, “He’s adorable.”

“Yeah, he’s a looker,” she agreed then shifted her weight, “So, um, did you need something or…”

“Oh,” Waverly remembered herself, “Yeah, I…here.”

She held the glass out to her. Nicole accepted it, though she was confused by the offer.

“Did Gus send you out here?”

“Yeah,” Waverly said with a quick nod.

That made sense, Nicole thought.

“Thanks,” she said, bringing the glass up for a drink but stopped when her nose wrinkled at the scent, “That’s not water.”

“It’s kombucha,” Waverly told her, “It’s got B Vitamins and iron; good for refreshing your body after a workout.”

“Oh, cool,” Nicole said and took a hefty drink.

A sound escaped her throat, and she turned her head to the side, spitting it out into the grass and coughing.

“Ugh,” she wiped her lips and spit again to banish the lingering taste as she heard Wynonna laughing behind her.

“It’s an acquired taste.”

“Sorry,” Nicole apologized, hoping she hadn’t offended Waverly or Gus by association, “Sorry that…that tastes like ass.”

Nicole chuckled good naturedly, balancing the cup on the seat of the ATV and grabbing the hammer once more.

“It’s good for you,” Waverly defended, then crossed her arms and huffed, “Maybe you’d prefer if I spiked it with vodka.”

Nicole threw the hammer to the ground in annoyance.

“You know what?” she started, “Fine. Here you go.”

She grabbed the cup roughly and tipped it back, chugging the drink down as quickly as she could against her body’s reaction.

“Oh, this is a mistake,” Wynonna warned.

The overflow sliding down her cheeks and chin to drip onto the front of her shirt. Against her initial reflex, she forced herself to empty it all and shoved it back into Waverly’s hands.

“There, happy?” she swallowed a gag that attempted to hit her throat and did her best to keep the stern composure, “And I hate vodka, by the way. So, you can go tell Gus you did your job, and I can get back to mi- “

Her words halted, taken over by the sudden retching of her rebelling stomach.

“Oof, told you,” Wynonna winced as Nicole spun around to bend over behind the newly planted post and heaved, “Deep breaths, Punk. Ride it out, come on.”

Dozer whined and rubbed against her legs, trying to comfort his friend. Once she was sure she wasn’t going to actually throw up, she wiped at her mouth and stood up again. Taking a breath, she turned back and was surprised to see Waverly still standing there.

Self-conscious after being seen like that, Nicole grabbed the bottom of her shirt to wipe across her face but stopped and grimaced when the smell on the fabric reminded her of her messy display and held it back from her face.

She cleared her burning throat, “Did you need anything else?”

“I…” Waverly started shaking her head when she realized she was staring at Nicole’s exposed midsection, “What’s that?”

She gestured to the markings peeking out along Nicole’s ribcage.

Nicole looked down at herself, just then realizing she still had her shirt in her hand and her skin on display. Swallowing once more, she shoved her shirt back down.

“Nothing.”

“Is that a tattoo?” Waverly asked curiously.

“I’ve got to finish this,” Nicole said dismissing the question and turning back to the fence, even though she made no move to actually start working again. Instead, just leaned her hands against the fence and looked out at nothing in particular.

“Ok,” Waverly said after a few moments, accepting that her curiosity would remain unsatisfied. Whatever she didn’t’ actually care. She was just being polite. She didn’t care.

She didn’t.

Sighing, she looked back at the house briefly before returning her eyes to Nicole’s back.

“I’ll…bring water next time.”

“You don’t have to,” she said without looking back at her.

Waverly nodded, “I’ll bring water next time.”

Nicole heard her walk away, letting her head hang with her hands propped on either side of Wynonna’s legs, feeling her hands on her shoulders.

“Why get ink if you don’t want anyone to see it?” Wynonna asked quietly.

Nicole waited a moment, lifting her head to look her in the eyes.

“Cause it’s not for them.”

Wynonna gave her a small smile, running her hand down her torso until it hovered on the shirt just over where she knew the tattoo was.

“I know.”

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	7. You Were Mad, Mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wynonna Sunday!
> 
> Back at it with the proper update day! 
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well. Taking care of yourselves and people around you.

_“Hey, slow down,” she heard behind her, though Nicole continued to march away to the parking lot, “Nicole!”_

_She felt a tug on her shoulder, realizing Wynonna must have caught her duffle bag to stop her._

_“Stop, dude. Come on.”_

_Nicole let out a huff and adjusted her hand on the shoulder strap, before setting her jaw and stopping her feet. She didn’t turn around, though; instead, letting Wynonna walk around to stand in front of her._

_“Thanks,” Wynonna said sarcastically, “What are you stomping off for? I was waiting for you.”_

_Nicole shifted her weight, keeping her eyes downward and not saying anything._

_“Nicole,” Wynonna tried again, putting her hands on either side of Nicole’s face, and lifting her eyes to look at her. Seeing the sadness in her eyes and knowing the cause, she spoke, “Hey, it’s just a game. It’s not the end of the world if you guys lose a game. Even I know that, and I barely know shit about basketball. Don’t beat yourself up.”_

_“_ We _didn’t lose._ I _lost for us,” Nicole said, upset with herself, “They trusted me with the game shot, and I failed.”_

_“That’s ridiculous. You guys lost by a point,” she tried to argue for her, “I was there. You were killing it out there tonight. You scored, like, half of the points you guys got. You did more than anyone to try and win it.”_

_Nicole shuffled her feet and mumbled, “Not enough.”_

_“Well last I checked, there were four other people out there wearing the same colors as you,” she went on, “Any of them could’ve done more for the team. It’s not on you.”_

_Nicole dropped her head back and groaned, letting her bag fall off her shoulder onto the cement, “The ball was in my hands, Wy. I feel like I let everyone down.”_

_“You didn’t,” she reassured, “Anyone who thinks you did is an idiot. Believe me?”_

_Nicole let out a breath and leaned her head to touch Wynonna’s, “Yeah.”_

_“Good,” she tilted her head to give her a quick kiss._

_“I haven’t showered,” Nicole chuckled when they pulled apart from the kiss._

_“I’m aware,” she teased, wrinkling her nose, “Let’s get out of here and take care of that, then.”_

_“Hey Haught!” Nicole turned towards the voice in time to see the orange ball come flying at her face. She got her hands up on reflex to catch it, though she only managed to divert it. The basketball bouncing off her fingertips and spinning away harmlessly._

_They looked over and saw Mattie Perley walking by._

_“Nice hands,” she remarked, “No wonder we lost.”_

_Nicole swallowed and bent down to pick up her bag. When she stood back up, she saw Wynonna was already stomping over towards her teammate and hurried over to keep her from doing something stupid._

_“You’re one to talk Perley,” Wynonna said sharply, getting in her face, “The way you embarrassed yourself with those free throws tonight, I’m surprised you can even hold a ball.”_

_“Watch your mouth, Earp,” she demanded._

_“Or what?” Wynonna challenged, stepping more into her space despite Nicole putting an arm between them in an attempt to keep them apart._

_“Or your girlfriend’s gonna use those butterfingers to pick up your teeth.”_

_“Try it double mint twin.”_

_Nicole finally managed to get between them and force Wynonna back a few steps, “That’s enough. It’s fine, Wynonna, let’s go.”_

_“Yeah, go on,” Mattie said, waving dramatically._

_Wynonna looked at Nicole a moment, a silent debate between them wherein Nicole knew how much her girlfriend wanted to shut the girl up the hard way. However, she understood Nicole didn’t want her to get in any kind of trouble, and she didn’t want to cause any problems for Nicole within her team. So, she gave her a small nod and decided to let it go. This time._

_They turned and started walking away, hearing Mattie’s voice at their backs._

_“That’s what I thought. Pair of losers, no wonder you found each other. No one else would give a damn. An Earp and a bastard.”_

_Nicole felt Wynonna tense up again and turned her head quickly, but Nicole’s hand on her shoulder kept her walking._

_When they were far enough away, Wynonna blew out a breath and shook her head._

_“Should’ve knocked her on her ass.”_

_“It’s wasn’t worth it.”_

_“_ You’re _worth it,” Wynonna said fiercely._

_Nicole gave her a smile, and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer as they walked, “If you say so.”_

* * *

X

* * *

Nicole entered through the wooden door, instantly hit by the sounds of patrons and the memories brought on by the sights and smells of Shorty’s.

Another place she’d spent so much time with Wynonna. Another place she hadn’t returned to since she died.

She wouldn’t be there then if not for Gus. After being brought to the homestead for the day, Gus had come to the barn as Nicole was preparing to start. She took a look at her worn work gloves and an instant later was giving her the car keys and shoving cash in her hand to go into town and get a new pair, asking only in return for Nicole to stop at Shorty’s and pick up the payroll information that she’d forgot to grab on her way back.

Nicole agreed, hoping it would be a quick in and out trip, not wanting to waste daylight. Even more so wanting to avoid any stares or questions that she was likely to get when spotted.

“Oh man,” Wynonna said, looking around, “Long time, huh?”

“Mm,” Nicole hummed, luckily spotting Shorty at the bar already and heading over.

“Think the old man would sneak us some booze?”

“Us?” Nicole repeated quietly, not wanting to draw attention to herself by talking to …herself.

“Ugh, fine. _You_ ,” Wynonna corrected, “Let me drink vicariously, then.”

Nicole chuckled as she reached the counter and saw Shorty’s eyes light up when he saw her.

“Nicole,” he greeted with a smile, “Good to see you. Been a minute, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Nicole cleared her throat, “Gus sent me to pick up the payroll for her?”

She didn’t know why it sounded like a question. The man’s friendly greeting setting her nerves on edge. He’d seen so much of her and Wynonna here at his place. A witness to the days of their relationship over burgers and pool games.

“Did she?” he asked, “Alright, let me give her a call to confirm. Nothing personal, just gotta keep it all above board, ok?”

“That’s fine.”

He knocked his knuckles on the counter before walking to the back with a promise to be right back, leaving Nicole to take a seat at the bar and wait. Not even a moment after he was gone, she felt Wynonna’s elbow nudge into her side.

“Dude.”

“What?” Nicole whispered.

“Look,” she nodded at a bottle of whiskey on the other side of the bar just in front of them, “You could totally snatch that.”

“No,” she hissed, “I’m not going to steal booze. I can get my own.”

Wynonna smirked and leaned against the bar, “You know some might say that using a fake ID to get beer that should go to a respectable, legal aged drunk is kind of stealing,” Wynonna reasoned proudly, “Come on, you know you thought about it.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I’m in your head, remember,” Wynonna tapped Nicole’s scarred temple, “So I _know_ you want to.”

“Then you also know that I’m not going to do it,” she replied, “Especially when it’s technically stealing from Gus.”

A loud laugh erupted from somewhere in the room and Nicole immediately tensed. She knew that voice. Hunching over the counter and ducking her head down to not be seen, she carefully risked a look over her shoulder and found the table instantly. In the back corner she saw a group of people she once called friends but were now another entry on the list of things she’d pulled away from.

Jeremy, Robin, and Rosita were all together, sharing food and having a good time. If they were there, it meant Dolls would likely be around soon enough. That thought caused her to curl down even more, she wouldn’t be able to handle him looking at her with that quiet understanding way he had.

Running a hand down her face, she whispered to no one, “What’s taking Shorty so long?”

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Wynonna said, running her fingers over the curve of her back, “You should say hi. I bet they miss you.”

Nicole shook her head instantly.

“No. No, I just want to get the stuff for Gus and get out of here,” she reasoned, “That’s it.”

“They’re your friends,” Wynonna reminded her, “They care about you.”

Nicole just shook her head again, running her fingers nervously over the scar and desperately wishing for Shorty to get back and let her go.

A few moments later, the door swung open and, though Nicole had no intention to, she looked up as the angry voice carried through the room.

“- every damn day, Champ,” Waverly said angrily as she marched into Shorty’s with her boyfriend on her heels.

“Babe, it wasn’t like that. We were just talking.”

“I have to work. Leave me alone,” Waverly commanded as she disappeared into the back.

Nicole watched him drop onto a nearby stool and groan with his head in his hands. Nicole half worried he’d notice her presence and try to talk to her, but thankfully, Shorty decided to finally reappear.

“Sorry about that. Took forever to find it,” he said, holding out a black ledger, “There’s a reason Gus is in charge of it.”

“Thanks,” she said, reaching to accept it but to her surprise, the man held on when she tried to take it; causing her to look up at his face.

“You taking care of yourself, kid?”

Nicole nodded and cleared her throat, “Yeah.”

“Good,” he let go of the book, finally letting her take it, “Don’t be a stranger now.”

He stepped back, apparently satisfied, before looking at Champ, “You. You upsetting my best waitress again?”

“No, Shorty, you know how girls get,” he tried to excuse, earning an eyeroll from the man before he walked away again.

Champ shook his head, his eyes falling to Nicole as she stood up to leave.

“Hey,” he leaned over and smacked her arm, “You know what I’m talking about right?”

“Ass,” Wynonna spat, and Nicole ignored him, turning to leave but Champ grabbed her sleeve.

“Ah, come on,” he pushed, “You know how Earp girls are. So dramatic, right?”

Nicole pulled her arm away from him, “Whatever.”

Champ scoffed, “You’re lucky. At least yours was easy.”

“What the hell did you just say?” she asked sharply.

“Easy. You know, made all the bullshit worth it if you’re actually getting something out of it.”

Nicole grit her teeth and looked at Wynonna while her hands clenched around the book.

“Not worth it, Punk,” Wynonna advised with a shake of her head.

Nicole took a breath and told herself to listen to Wynonna and just go, but Champ kept going. Leaning back against the bar he sighed loudly.

“I mean, Waverly has such a stick up her ass half the time, I swear. Can she actually blame me for getting it where I can now and then?”

Nicole slapped the book onto the counter and stepped up to Champ.

“I don’t know why you’re talking to me like we’re friends or like we’re even remotely the same,” she started angrily, “but you better knock it off, get your head out of your ass and be grateful for what you have while you still have it.”

Champ held his hands up, “Ok! Ok! Sorry. Jeez.”

He shook his head, “I get it. Your situation sucks. I’m sorry your girl is dead or whatever.”

Nicole grabbed the book off the counter roughly and turned to finally leave when:

“Maybe it would’ve been easier if Waverly was in that car instead.”

Nicole felt the hard sting in her knuckles before even realizing what she was doing. Champ hit the floor hard, collapsing off the stool and causing a ruckus as it fell over with him.

“What the hell?” Waverly shrieked, running over to check on Champ, having stepped back out in time to see Nicole throw the punch. She immediately knelt beside her boyfriend and glared up at her, “What did you do that for?”

“He- “Nicole glanced briefly to Wynonna and back again, trying to lamely explain herself.

“What’s _wrong_ with you?!” Waverly shouted.

Nicole swallowed thickly and looked around, all the eyes now on them. On _her_. She could see Rosita already on her way over now that she knew Nicole was there.

“She just hit me, babe,” Champ accused loudly, “She really is crazy!”

“She wouldn’t do it without a reason,” Rosita defended, appearing beside Nicole, Jeremy and Robin following.

“Bullshit, you all saw it,” Champ said as he pulled himself to his feet, “I was just sitting there.”

“No, I…” Nicole tried again, her words drying up under all the attention.

“God, can you just get out of here?” Waverly ordered, “Just go.”

“Yeah, go,” Champ repeated, “Nobody wants you here anyway.”

Rosita stepped forward and shoved Champ, “Shut up, asshole!”

Soon everyone was arguing around her, Shorty appearing again to see what was going on. In the chaos, Nicole took the opportunity to do as Waverly asked.

Stopping just long enough to grab that wayward bottle Wynonna had rightly called her out about. She paused briefly at the door, looking back to see Waverly’s eyes on her, before vanishing out the door and letting it slam shut behind her.

X

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X

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X


	8. Everything I'm Not, My Whole Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn! Late again! SorrySorry! Hopefully a longer than usual chapter makes up for it?
> 
> Hope everyone had a great weekend!
> 
> Don't have much else to say this time around.
> 
> Uh...you guys watch Happiest Season? Pretty great, right?

_“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Rosita goaded from across the booth while plucking a fry from the shared basket on the table._

_“I don’t know,” Nicole answered, “It’s not really my thing.”_

_Rosita laughed, “I_ know _Wynonna Earp_ loves _a party,” she said and pointed at Wynonna who was leaning back against the cushion with Nicole’s arm draped around her shoulders, “How does this even work if parties aren’t your_ thing _?”_

_Wynonna grabbed the hand hanging over her shoulder and pulled it closer._

_“Great sex,” she joked, not letting the question linger long enough to burrow into Nicole’s mind. She leaned in close and bit the air near Nicole’s jaw to drive her point._

_Nicole laughed and squeezed Wynonna against her for a moment, “You heard the woman.”_

_“All right, I don’t need a demonstration. I believe you,” she said with a laugh and looked at her glass, “I’m getting a refill. Try to keep it in your pants guys.”_

_Nicole chuckled as she watched her walk away before looking down at Wynonna still wrapped up in her arm, “Do you want to go?”_

_Wynonna shrugged against her, “I mean it would be fun, but I’m cool to hang with you doing whatever. I know it’s not your favorite thing.”_

_“I don’t want to you to not do have fun ‘cause of me.”_

_“Shut up, we have plenty of fun,” she said with a grin and ran her hand over Nicole’s thing under the table, “Don’t we?”_

_“Mm, so that’s all I am to you?” she asked playfully, lifting her leg beneath Wynonna’s hand, “_ Fun?”

_“Yep,” Wynonna teased, “Time you knew the truth, Haught. I’m totally using you for your bod.”_

_Nicole growled and pulled her closer, she would’ve been in her lap if it weren’t for the table in front of them._

_“Use me, huh?”_

_“Mmhmm,” she trailed her hand up Nicole’s chest to her chin, “What are you gonna do about it?”_

_“Let you.”_

_“Good answer,” Wynonna murmured, closing the distance between them to snare her in a heated kiss; not caring for the very public space they were in._

_“Hello Wynonna.”_

_The voice causing them to pull apart and see Doc standing there with a smirk on his face._

_“Hey Doc,” Wynonna answered, scooting herself into a proper seat. Nicole let out a loud sigh at the interruption which had Doc acknowledging her with a nod._

_“Nicole.”_

_“Henry,” she answered curtly._

_“I hope I’m not interrupting,” he said, leaning his hip against the table._

_“Obviously.”_

_He ignored her and continued focusing on Wynonna, “I was only wondering if you were planning to go to the Gardner’s this weekend. Should be quite a party.”_

_“Not really your business, is it?” Nicole responded, feeling Wynonna’s hand on her leg again. This time, however, it wasn’t a playful seduction as it was before; it was a calming reassurance that she was there, and Nicole didn’t need to get upset._

_“I haven’t seen you at any parties lately,” he pointed out._

_“My dance card’s been full,” Wynonna answered, pulling Nicole’s arm around her shoulder again, keeping her eyes directly on his as she pressed a kiss to the knuckles._

_“I’m sure,” he looked at Nicole and clicked his tongue as he stood up straight and adjusted his hat, “Just a shame, is all.”_

_Nicole narrowed her eyes, “What is?”_

_“To see a bird caged when it should be free to enjoy the sky.”_

_“What are you trying to say?” Wynonna asked sharply._

_“Just an observation,” he said with a wink. He knocked his knuckles twice against the tabletop, “You ladies have a wonderful day.”_

_Wynonna watched him leave with a shake of her head and a scoff before turning her attention back to Nicole._

_“Hey, don’t let him get to you,” she said, recognizing the look on Nicole’s face meant she was already in her head, “He’s an idiot. I’m not_ caged _.”_

_She tangled her fingers with Nicole’s and gave her hand a little shake to try and pull her out of her own head, “Hey,” she her to look at her and gave her a smile, “Ok?”_

_“Ok,” Nicole said quietly as Rosita returned with a full glass of soda, complaining about how long it took to get help with it. She looked between the couple and raised her eyebrows._

_“Everything good?”_

_“Yeah,” Wynonna answered quickly, “we just- “_

_“Decided to go to the party,” Nicole cut in, giving Wynonna’s hand a squeeze._

_Her girlfriend looked at her in surprise, ready to tell her she didn’t have to, to repeat that Doc was an idiot and she shouldn’t feel like she had to do it to prove a point, but Nicole just gave her a smile and nodded with certainty._

_“What’s the worst that could happen?”_

* * *

X

* * *

Waverly pulled the jeep into the driveway, the drive over not doing much to cool her annoyed mood. She’d already had an argument with Gus before leaving, upset with her aunt for asking her to be the one to pick up Nicole again. Especially after what happened at Shorty’s the last time she’d seen her.

Even though in the days since, Waverly had been able to think more rationally about it. Away from Champ’s vehement denial of any wrongdoing, she had space to think about the facts rather than react emotionally.

The facts were she knew Champ. She knew exactly how he could be. And, yeah, there were times she wanted to hit him too. But wanting to and actually doing it were two completely different things. Plus, it being Nicole who did it only jumbled it up even more. She was mature enough to admit to herself that she had reacted badly and should have listened to what Nicole had to say. But admitting it to Nicole …well, she wasn’t feeling quite that mature at the moment.

She was content to just let Nicole work on the fence and stay away as much as possible. Though it didn’t help that Gus kept inviting her to stay for dinner at the end of the day and Nicole almost always accepted. Letting out a huff as she pulled into the driveway, she reaffirmed for herself that she would drive her to the homestead and make herself scarce the rest of the day. She was sure she could get together with Chrissy and spend the day with her doing something.

She turned off the car when she saw nothing of Nicole or Dozer waiting for her. It seemed once again Nicole was leaving Waverly waiting in her driveway.

“Come on,” she groaned and honked the horn twice as she had last time. Taking her phone out as she waited, she messaged Chrissy to see what she had going on. Exchanging texts back and forth, making a plan to meet up with her friend while ignoring Champ’s message telling her to come over. 

With that settled, she looked up after a few minutes and still saw no sign of Nicole. She pressed her hand into the horn again for a long honk but when she saw no immediate response, her impatience got the better of her and Waverly shoved the car door open. Walking to the front door, she knocked hard and rang the doorbell simultaneously.

“Nicole!” she shouted at the door, “Let’s go, I don’t have all day!”

She heard a round of barking and then what she assumed to be Dozer’s big paws thudding and scratching at the door. Taking that to mean Nicole would be close behind, she stepped back and waited again. However, as moments began to pass by with nothing but the dog sounding increasingly upset behind the door, she felt her annoyance begin to give way to a seed of worry.

“Nicole?” she called again, quieter and more concerned.

She tried the doorknob and found it locked. She went to the window but with the blinds down she only saw Dozer’s shadow as he followed her movements over; giving her brief glimpses of him as he pawed at the blinds in front of her.

Waverly stepped back and ran her hand through her hair, wondering what she should do.

“Ok, ok, it’s fine,” she said to herself, “I’m sure it’s fine. She’s probably in the shower and can’t hear you. That’s all.”

She continued repeating it to herself as she looked around before making a decision.

“Nicole!” she called again, just in case the girl could hear her, “I’m going around back, ok?”

She nodded to herself and then made her way through the chain link fence and around the house. She found the back door and instantly tried it, surprised and relieved that it was unlocked. She heard Dozer coming as soon as she turned the knob and he was already there to greet her when she stepped inside.

“Nicole?” she said nervously, looking around the room while her hands worked to pet and reassure the dog pacing at her feet. She rubbed his head and asked, “Where is she, Dozer? Huh?”

Either he somehow understood her words, or he was already anxious to get her there too, because he nudged her legs with his head and barked before taking off, looking back at her to make sure she followed.

The dog led her through the back of the house and out into the main area before disappearing around the island into the kitchen with a whine. Waverly’s following steps froze when she saw a pair of socked feet laying on the tile. Dozer let out another whine and a small bark, snapping her out of it and sending her around the island counter. She gasped at the sight that met her; Nicole’s head slumped against the cabinet; her long body laid out along the floor.

“Nicole!” Waverly dropped to her knees beside her, hands hovering aimlessly as she searched for what could be wrong while Dozer began pacing back and forth nearby, little whines and whimpers still leaking out.

She didn’t see any wounds, but she was definitely unconscious. She put her hands on either side of her face and carefully pat her cheeks to try to and urge her awake.

“Wake up, come on. Come on, Nicole. You’re ok. You’re ok,” she said frantically, trying not to think about the way Wynonna looked that night in the hospital when she was finally allowed to see her. How still and quiet she was; how her sister was suddenly gone even though she was right in front of her. Sniffling back the memory, she forced herself to stay present, and continued to plead, “Wake up. Nicole!”

At her desperate scream, a low groan vibrated from Nicole’s chest and Waverly’s eyes instantly burned with relieved tears at the proof of life.

She hadn’t even thought to check her breathing. God, that was stupid.

“Nicole, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?”

Dozer barked and approached, pressing his large front paws on Nicole’s chest, and leaning to sniff her face worriedly.

“No, no,” Waverly said told him, again thinking Dozer understood because it didn’t take much push him off Nicole to keep him from potentially hurting her. Instead he stepped back down at licked her face, getting another groan from her as she came closer to consciousness.

“Wha…” Nicole started, her eyes creaking open briefly and her words slurring, “S’going on?”

“I don’t know. I found you like this. Are you hurt? Do you know what happened?”

“Wav’ly?” her name dripped out of Nicole’s mouth and her eyes opened again, looping around the room, “What are you…Where’s she? Where’s…Where’s Wynonna?”

Waverly’s mouth went dry at the question. Her heart pounded painfully while her brain started rushing through thoughts.

She remembered the hospital that night. While she’d been shattered by the unbelievable news that her big sister was really gone, she still heard Gus getting the news of Nicole’s head injury. The memory hitting her as she looked at the scene before her.

Lost consciousness.

Slurred speech.

Looking for Wynonna, was that memory loss?

Shit.

Was it something lingering from her injury? Did she have a seizure or something while she was alone? Should she take her to the hospital? No. No she shouldn’t move her. She knew that.

Ambulance!

An ambulance. Waverly searched for her phone while Nicole groaned again and started to move.

“My head,” she mumbled.

“I know. I know. Just hold on, I’m getting…” she paused mid-dial. When Nicole lifted her arm to grab her head, it revealed a bottle tucked into her side.

Waverly quickly snatched it by the neck and held it up. Looking at the empty bottle of Four Roses. She slammed the bottle on the ground, “Son of a bitch.”

“What?” Nicole asked and Waverly couldn’t help herself. Her hand struck out and slapped Nicole across the face. Hard, “Ow, what the fuck?”

“Are you kidding me?!” Waverly asked angrily and pushed herself up to her feet.

“Did you just hit me?” Nicole asked, more awake now, and rolled over, using the counter to pull herself up.

“Yeah, I hit you and I should do it again.”

“Fucking why?”

“Because you scared me!”

“What?” Nicole snapped, confused as hell and with a stinging face to boot.

“You were laying on the floor and I was worried. Jesus, I thought you were dead or hurt! But you’re just freaking drunk!”

Nicole shook her head, regretting it a bit when the action sent a throb through her skull.

“You thought I was hurt…” she started slowly then ended harsher, “so you _slapped_ me?”

“You scared me,” she repeated again.

“Why would you even care? You hate me, remember?”

“I don’t…” she stopped herself and growled in frustration, “God, you’re so…UGH!”

“What I _am_ is hungover,” Nicole answered, “and now my face hurts thanks to you.”

She turned on the sink and cupped cold water in her hands, splashing it against her face before looking over at the clock on the microwave. She slapped her hand against the countertop, “Shit! Damn it, I’m-I’m going to shower. Just…I don’t know, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be quick and then we can go.”

Waverly eyed her in surprise, “You’re still planning to- “

“Do what I said I would?” Nicole interrupted, “Yeah. If I say I’m going to do something, Waverly, I do it.”

“You’re going to do manual labor? Hungover?” Waverly asked with her arms crossed.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” she said while walking away.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” she mumbled to herself.

She heard the door slam down the hall and turned to look around.

“Get comfortable?” she repeated cynically as she saw only a couple patio chairs in the living room. She found it strange but knew the way Nicole and her mother lived wasn’t hers to judge.

She had a moment to wonder where the woman was and when she would be back. Finding it strange that she hadn’t shown her face in town in a while, even when her only daughter was in the hospital. Then again, Waverly’s own mother hadn’t appeared for her daughter’s funeral so who was she to say anything? It looked like there was just something about mother’s in Purgatory.

Her train of thought was disrupted when Dozer’s slick tongue slid over her hand and stole her attention. She looked down at the dog with a smile.

“Hey, buddy,” she knelt in front of him, “You were probably worried too, huh? It’s ok. Your mom is…” she sighed, “…fine.”

He licked her fingers again and it gave Waverly a thought.

“Oh, you’re probably hungry!” she realized. If Nicole had drank herself to the point of passing out at some point the night before, she wouldn’t have been able to feed him yet that day, “Let’s see if I can find your food.”

She checked the pantry first and smiled at him when she easily found the large bag of dry food. Assuming the scoop resting inside was the correct measurement for him, she poured a pile into the empty metal bowl on the floor and spent a few seconds watching him as he started eating, his tail happily swaying behind him.

“There you go,” she pat his side a few times and dropped the scoop back into the bag. She started closing the pantry door but paused as her eyes caught something she hadn’t noticed before.

Most of the shelves were empty save for a couple boxes of macaroni and cheese and ramen packets.

“Someone needs to go grocery shopping,” she observed and closed the door again. But the state of the pantry had her curious and she went to the refrigerator, opening the door and looking inside there as well.

A half-gallon of milk that was nearly empty, a stick of butter and a jar of strawberry jelly. The freezer wasn’t much better, housing a loaf of sandwich bread and a couple microwave meals.

With a strange flutter in her chest, she hurriedly went about opening all the cabinets, finding them all in similar states.

“God,” she whispered, then pulled open the nearest drawer. She looked over her shoulder, making sure Nicole wasn’t about to catch her snooping, and took out what she found. A small notepad covered in scratched handwriting and a pile of torn open envelopes.

She only spent a moment looking at the envelopes, Waverly recognized bills when she saw them, and instead focused on the notepad.

_ELECTRIC_

_WATER_

_PHONE_

_DOG FOOD_

_HOSPITAL_

_LEFT OVER_

Each listed item had a dollar amount written out next to it with check marks beside them. A star was drawn next to the word ‘electric’ with the extra message indicating a cancellation warning. She flipped through the pages, seeing the list repeated over and over with different dates and different amounts.

The last page was the most recent, marked as the current month. The amount of remaining money after each bill was budgeted out caused her to swallow at a thick lump in her throat. She glanced back at the pantry door, thinking about the scarce supplies inside. Thinking again about all those dinners Nicole stuck around for at the homestead.

The pieces falling into place in her mind sent her stomach rolling.

“All right,” she heard Nicole call out, “I’m ready!”

Waverly shoved everything back into the drawer and looked around to make sure she hadn’t left any cabinets open as Nicole reappeared, looking fresher and put together.

“Oh, you fed Dozer,” she noticed, “Thanks.”

Waverly just managed a nod and a poor attempt at a smile. Thankfully, Nicole wasn’t looking her way, too busy bending down to dote on her dog.

“Ready to go, pal?” she asked him as he licked around his mouth to clean up any crumbs left in his fur, “Maybe your squirrel friend will show up again today.”

She stood to her full height, finally looking at Waverly and noticing the strange way she was looking at her.

“Are you…” she leaned back a bit, “going to slap me again?”

“No,” she cleared her throat, “No. I was …thinking I wanted to stop for lunch on the way back.”

“Ok.”

“Are you hungry?” she tried to sound nonchalant.

“Oh, uh- “

“M-My treat,” she offered quickly, realizing Nicole was likely thinking about that small number at the bottom of the page, “You know, to apologize for the…”

She moved her hand through the air as if smacking an invisible foe.

“Um, sure, yeah. I could eat.”

“Cool,” Waverly nodded, “Let’s go.”

Nicole nodded and led Dozer through the house, grabbing the leash on the way.

Waverly took a breath and shook her hands out. Setting her demeanor back to normal as best she could and followed Nicole out the door.

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	9. Half Singing, Half Laughing, Half Going Too Far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry for the mini gap in posts. I had a pretty emotional week last week and I made the decision not to push myself to get this out in time. Hope you all understand!

_“Oh shit,” Wynonna breathed out as her back arched off the barn floor before dropped back down. Her chest heaved in an attempt to catch her breath and her arms moved limply down between her legs to run her fingers through Nicole’s hair, “Anyone ever tell you…you’re pretty good at that?”_

_Nicole’s hot breath danced over her bare skin as she chuckled in response. She kissed her way up Wynonna’s pelvis and stomach before laying down with her head resting between her breasts._

_“There’s a reason you keep me around,” she said with a grin, pressing another kiss to the warm skin there._

_“Mm,” Wynonna smiled, circling her arms lazily around Nicole’s body on top of her, “A few, yeah.”_

_Nicole bounced against her with another laugh before snuggling against her and trailing her fingers lightly over Wynonna’s side, feeling the grooves of her ribcage._

_“Here?” she asked, laying her hand flat over the spot; her thumb still sliding back and forth over the skin._

_“Yeah,” Wynonna nodded, “Made an appointment for the end of the month.”_

_“Oh yeah? Does Gus know?”_

_“Nah,” she chuckled, “Better to ask forgiveness than permission and all that. Besides, I’m 18. I don’t need her permission to get ink if I want.”_

_Nicole hummed, “You have a point.”_

_“Sure, you don’t want to make it a double appointment?” she asked, tapping one finger against the back of Nicole’s head, “Be one of those obnoxious couples with matching tats?”_

_Nicole laughed, “Tattoos aren’t for me.”_

_“If you say so,” Wynonna relented, “But you’d definitely look hot with some ink though.”_

_“Wynonna Earp are you saying I’m not hot already?” she teased, feeling her eyes threaten to droop down in their relaxed position._

_“Trust me, you’re plenty hot.”_

_“Oh yeah?”_

_“Oh yeah,” Wynonna repeated with a smirk then gently pulled on her shoulders, “C’mere.”_

_Nicole smiled and did as she asked, moving to hover over her face to face. She leaned down for a kiss when the barn door suddenly burst open, causing her them both to jump in surprise._

_“Wynonna are you in…here,” Waverly froze in the doorway, clearly catching an eyeful of the couple._

_“Jesus!” Wynonna said as she jolted, still hiding under Nicole’s body. Her hand scrambled to grab her discarded jacket and pulled it over to cover as much of Nicole as she could._

_Waverly took a second before shaking her head and finding her voice again._

_“Gus needs you.”_

_“Tell her I’m…” she gestured over their bodies awkwardly, “busy!”_

_“Tell her yourself,” she turned to leave._

_“Hey! You didn’t’ say hi to Nicole!” Wynonna shouted after her, unable to resist needling her sister even more._

_Waverly continued her exit without pause, leaving the door wide open as she vanished._

_Nicole dropped her head against Wynonna’s collarbone, feeling her girlfriend pat her back._

_“So rude, that one.”_

_Nicole groaned and lifted her head to look at her, “Well that won’t help to stop her hating me.”_

_“Come on,” she said lightly, “She doesn’t hate you.”_

_“Yeah, sure.”_

* * *

Nicole sat awkwardly across from Waverly at the table on the diner’s outdoor patio, Dozer at ease laying at her feet. Her eyes continuously going between Waverly and Wynonna who leaning against the fencing around the area. Waverly was focused on the menu and looking it over, unaware or ignoring Nicole’s demeanor.

“Psst,” Wynonna whispered, as if she were worried Waverly would magically hear her if she didn’t. Once she had Nicole’s full attention, she nodded her head towards Waverly.

Nicole shrugged discreetly, widening her eyes a bit, trying to convey that she had no clue what the hell was going on or what she was supposed to do.

Wynonna widened her own eyes in response, almost mocking her own face, before gesturing at her sister. Nicole shook her head once more, causing Wynonna to set her jaw into a dangerous look Nicole knew all too well. She instantly felt Wynonna’s palm smack the back of her head as she was suddenly standing behind her. The impact caused her to jerk in place, more from surprise than any actual pain, and she put her own hand against the spot that she’d hit.

“You ok?” Waverly wondered to which Nicole nodded quickly.

“Yeah. Yeah, just, you know, still kind of feeling the hangover I guess,” she excused, she glanced to Wynonna briefly before deciding to attempt a conversation, since she guessed that was what Wynonna wanted from her, “When you said you want to grab something on the way, I was expecting a drive-thru or something.”

“Oh,” she replied, her fingers beginning to nervously play with the corner of the menu, “Well, you probably shouldn’t work so hard with all that grease in your stomach, right? I mean, that kind of stuff isn’t great for you on a normal day.”

“Right,” Nicole nodded and looked at her hands as they drummed on the tabletop. The light bruising still on the knuckles of her right hand gave her a moment of thought. She curled her hand up tight as she stared at it. Remembering the way it felt to hit Champ in his loud mouth for the things he said.

It wasn’t long before Wynonna’s hand slid over hers and worked her fist loose to hold her hand instead. She looked at their joined hands for a moment, regulating her breathing to keep her emotions straight.

“Um,” she started, still looking at their hands, “I should apologize.”

“For what?”

Nicole swallowed, wondering if Waverly meant that as she didn’t know what Nicole could be apologizing for, or if it was because there was so much she felt deserved an apology from her. Nicole couldn’t blame her if it was the latter.

It was probably a long list. But she settled for the one that was on her mind.

“For Champ,” she explained.

“Oh!” Waverly said, surprised that she had been so focused on her anger about that earlier in the day and had basically forgotten about it after everything that happened at the house.

“I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that,” Nicole continued, “I should have walked away. I’m sorry I upset you.”

“It’s fine. I know how he can get,” Waverly answered, surprisingly honest about it, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did. I should have heard you out, considering he probably deserved it. I’m…I’m sorry too.”

Nicole nodded, dropping her hand onto Dozer’s head as the waitress came and took their orders. Once she had left them alone again, Waverly took Nicole’s example to apologize about something that had been on her mind before silence could settle in for too long.

“Nicole, what I said to you,” her voice wavered on the next words, “after the funeral…” she cleared her throat and breathed out evenly before continuing, “I’m so sorry. It-It was so uncalled for.

Nicole swallowed hard at the reminder, instantly feeling Dozer rest his head on her thigh.

“It’s ok,” she managed the words, though she didn’t know how well Waverly would be able to hear her.

“It’s not,” Waverly shook her head, “I was angry and sad and hurt and I took it out on you. That wasn’t fair because…because you were all those things too.”

She paused, taking another breath as Nicole remained silent, digesting her words.

“You were right that day. I’m not the only one who _lost_ her, and I acted like I was. I’m sorry.”

Nicole felt Wynonna’s hand leave hers to slide up her arm and drape around her shoulders, a featherlight kiss touched her cheek. Waverly’s words seeped into her chest and she felt like she did that day all over again. Not that those feelings had ever gone away, but they were amped back up again. She remembered what Wynonna told her at the church. That she and Waverly were the only ones who really understood what it was like. That they should be able to relate to each other because of that. But hadn’t been able to because of the sharp air always between them.

“Can I ask…” she started, flexing her hand to keep from reaching for Wynonna’s once more, “What did I…Why do you hate me so much?”

Waverly seemed struck by the question, fiddling with her fingers and opening her mouth a few times without speaking. She got a momentary reprieve when their food arrived and Waverly started to pick at her salad for a minute until Nicole decided it didn’t matter anyway. It would change anything.

“Forget it,” she mumbled and looked at her burger, her appetite dwindling despite how hungry she felt.

Waverly stabbed a hunk of lettuce with her fork before sighing and dropping it against the bowl with a clang.

“I don’t _hate_ you,” she confessed, “I never did.”

Holding back the scoff that nearly came out at the words, Nicole instead said, “Guess you just have a funny way of showing it.”

Waverly opened her mouth again, but once again felt her words fail her. She returned her eyes to her food and instead felt herself saying, “We shouldn’t take long. Gus is probably wondering what’s taking so long.”

Nicole couldn’t contain the scoff that escaped on reflex that time, “Right.”

She tore off a chunk of her burger and gave it to Dozer, immediately hearing Wynonna’s loud sigh. She looked over where she was standing with her arms crossed and watching longingly as the dog happily chomped down the meat.

“Lucky bastard,” she muttered towards him, then dropped her head back and groaned, “Fuck, I miss cheeseburgers.”

Nicole hid her smirk behind a bite of her burger, choosing to focus on Wynonna’s antics rather than the rollercoaster Waverly had spent the day taking her own.

The rest of the meal passed quickly in silence, with Nicole wishing she had any other option for getting to the homestead that day. When they finished, she loaded Dozer into the jeep and the ride over was spent in the same silence.

In the backseat, Dozer was hanging his head out the side of the car on the driver’s side, occasionally barking into the wind as it brushed through his fur. From the corner of her eye, Nicole saw Waverly look back at him briefly with a small smile, and she wondered how she’d react if she could see what Nicole saw.

Behind her own chair, Wynonna also had her head sticking out. Her hair whipping around violently as she shouted to Nicole over the rush of wind.

“I can see why he likes this!”

Nicole laid the back of her hand against her lips to keep from laughing, especially when Wynonna decided to answer Dozer’s barks with her own before she just started outright howling.

When they arrived at the homestead with the familiar sound of gravel under the tires, Nicole quickly pushed her door open. It wasn’t lost on her that their positions were basically switched, as it was normally Waverly who couldn’t wait to get away after their rides.

“Nicole,” Waverly said as she was halfway out of the jeep.

Against her better judgement, she paused and waited to hear what Waverly had to say.

Adjusting her hands still around the steering wheel, Waverly took a moment before finishing her thought.

“Maybe we can…start over?” she asked uncertainly, “Maybe be friends?”

Nicole looked to Wynonna who was already standing outside the car. Her girlfriend just shrugged her shoulders, clearly leaving it to Nicole to decide without any of her usual input.

Nicole bit her lip and shook her head a little in disbelief for how the day had gone so far.

“Sure, Waverly,” she answered getting out of the car, “Whatever you say.”

She let Dozer out and the two of them set off around the house towards the barn.

Waverly watched them go until she couldn’t see either of them anymore and dropped her head against the wheel.

“God,” she whispered to herself, reeling from the events of the day. She couldn’t believe what a whirlwind it had been; far away from the expectation she had when she left the house that morning to pick Nicole up.

She couldn’t stop thinking about that notebook and what it meant. Or what sort of situation Nicole was living in. She thought of all the days Wynonna brought her over for dinner and how Waverly complained about it every time.

_“Doesn’t she have her own home?”_

She wondered if Wynonna did that because those dinners were Wynonna’s way of making sure her girlfriend actually ate that day. And there Waverly was giving her sister a hard time and acting like a child the whole time. But she didn’t know. She never got even a hint of anything being wrong at home for Nicole. Though, she supposed she never asked any questions or made any effort at all to get to know her sister’s girlfriend.

She couldn’t help but wonder, what else she was hiding.

* * *

X

* * *

X

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X


	10. There Was A Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to all who celebrate and, if you're like me and don't, Happy Just Another Friday!
> 
> Who wants to see a bit of what happened at the Gardner party??

_“Hey.”_

_Nicole looked up from her drink at the voice, finding Xavier coming to lean beside the wall next to her._

_“Hey,” she answered, “Didn’t know you were coming tonight.”_

_“Could say the same to you,” he replied and glanced around the crowd inhabiting the Gardner mansion, “Not really your scene.”_

_Nicole gave him a half-smile and shrugged her shoulder, “You know, how it is. Happy Earp, happy life.”_

_“I see that. Waverly is even around here somewhere,” he chuckled and followed her eye line over to where Wynonna was laughing with Mercedes, “Enjoying yourself, at least?”_

_Nicole shrugged again._

_“It’s fine, I guess. She’s having fun and I’m just drunk enough that the music doesn’t suck, so call it a win.”_

_He nodded and returned to silence beside her. One of her favorite things about him was his ability to sit in silence without any weight to it. It had first intimidated her, but as she grew to know him more, she learned it was just his way. Like he knew exactly when to speak without a breath of wasted words. Just his presence was enough to convey his strength and intelligence, and it soon went from intimidating to calming._

_“Punk! Dolls!” they heard Wynonna call out and wave them over, “Come to the lounge with us!”_

_Nicole grinned at her friend, “The lady beckons.”_

_They made their way over to Wynonna who took Nicole’s hand and led them into a room away from the crowd where a small group was gathering. To her annoyance, Doc was among them._

_“What’s going on?” Nicole asked as she took a seat and let out a dramatic ‘oof’ when Wynonna plopped down to sit across her lap._

_“We’re gonna play a game,” Wynonna informed, wrapping her hand around her head and playing with the hair on the back of her head._

_“What game?”_

_“Truth or dare!” Mercedes announced happily as she closed the door and shut out the noise of the party._

_Nicole held in her groan at the idea but decided to go along with it to not ruin her girlfriend’s fun. There was still alcohol, Mercedes even busting out the stash of the good stuff for the smaller group. They settled in and played a few turns, sufficient stupidity and embarrassing confessions followed as was expected._

_When it was Kate’s turn, she got a sparkle in her eye and looked in Doc’s direction._

_“Doc,” she pointed at the cowboy who winked behind his tipped glass, “Truth or dare?”_

_“Well, what kind of man would I be if I did not choose dare?”_

_Nicole rolled her eyes and ran her hand over Wynonna’s thigh, using her warmth to keep calm._

_“I dare you…” Kate started, bright teeth on display as she smiled, “to shoot your shot with the person you most want to sleep with out of everyone here.”_

_Nicole tensed up, anticipating where he’d go as he downed his drink and stood up. Wynonna rubbed her hand over the back of her neck to comfort her as they watched him step over to their side of the group. However, Nicole allowed herself to relax when he instead stopped beside them at Kate’s chair instead._

_He set his hand over her shoulder against the back of the chair and leaned in; Kate smiling up at him as he did._

_“Is that really what you want me to do?” he asked._

_“Definitely,” she whispered up at him._

_“Rules are rules,” he whispered and took his hat off as Kate’s eyes closed in anticipation._

_Just before their lips met though, he swerved to the side and caught Wynonna’s lips with his own._

_And everything exploded._

* * *

X

* * *

Nicole ran a hand through her hair and adjusted her work smock, hoping to look as if she gave a damn for the conversation she was about to have. Taking a moment to run through her planned pitch in her head, she approached Al’s small office and knocked on the doorjamb.

“Al? You have a second?” she asked the old man as she stepped inside.

“Depends,” he said, “You about to ask for an even more reduced schedule?”

“No,” she forced an awkward laugh, “The opposite actually.”

“Oh?” he asked surprised, and set his pen down, “Your side project at the Earp place done?”

“Uh, no, coming along but still about half to do,” she said, “but, cutting hours here kind of means, you know, cutting the paycheck.”

“Gibson ain’t paying you?” he asked confused, “Jesus, what are you doing out there, kid?”

“It’s more of a trade,” she explained, “but bills don’t care about stuff like that.”

She scratched her temple and waited while he digested the information.

After a moment, the old man leaned back in his chair.

“What did you have in mind, then?” he asked her, “I already got you open to close on days you aren’t out there.”

“I don’t know I was thinking maybe I can come by after I finish up there every day? I know it’s after close, but I thought I could come and do some inventory after hours or-or I can prep orders for next day or something like that for a few hours?”

The old man let out a sigh, giving Nicole an inkling that she was about to be denied.

“Look, Nicole,” he began, shutting down her hopes with those two words, “You’re a good kid and a hard worker. And I know you’ve gone through some stuff lately- “

“It’s ok,” she said quickly, already backing out of the office, “Worth a shot to ask, right?”

“It’s just with the insurance I can’t have you in here after hours and- “

“It’s fine,” she reiterated, “I, uh, better head out. Thanks anyway.”

She left the office, feeling Wynonna fall into step beside her as she went to the front desk to clock out.

“That could’ve gone better,” she remarked, “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll figure something out,” Nicole mumbled, though not able to hide how disheartened she was.

“You will,” she assured, rubbing her hand down her arm, “You want to get drunk?”

Nicole hummed with a sad smile, “I want a lot of things.”

“I know.”

They walked out of the store and Nicole took a deep breath of the cool evening air. She shoved her hands in her pockets and started walking. Wynonna slipping her arm through hers as they went along.

“At least it’s a nice night,” Wynonna offered, “Nice and still, you know.”

“Mmhm,” Nicole agreed, her eyes roaming surrounding businesses, mentally making a list of which ones were open later so she could hopefully find a second job with one. Well, third technically.

She mentally berated herself for not being better prepared for the situation. Of course, pulling back her shifts so she could work on the fence would mean smaller paychecks. She’d barely been scraping things together as it was, even getting paid for a full schedule.

“Hey,” Wynonna bumped her to pull her out of her head, “Look I know what I said about the truck, but you’ve gotta look out for yourself. I don’t want you to get in a bad spot because of me. Eleanor was a good old girl for a long time. Maybe it’s time to let her go.”

Nicole shook her head and placed her hand over Wynonna’s on her arm as she stopped to face her.

“I’m already in the middle of it. I can’t leave Gus hanging,” she reasoned and then gave her a small smile, “Besides, if I were any good at letting go, my brain wouldn’t cook you up every day, would it?”

“You assume it’s your brain doing it,” Wynonna replied, “You could just be haunted by a super sexy ghost, remember?”

“Of course,” Nicole grinned and started walking again, “Come on, let’s go home.”

* * *

X

* * *

“Gus?” Waverly asked hesitantly as she entered the kitchen and found her aunt doing dishes.

“Yes, darlin’?”

Waverly started nervously wringing her hands.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Gus turned off the faucet and dried her hands on the towel before walking over to the island to stand opposite Waverly. She leaned her hands against the counter and looked at her niece.

“Ok, talk girl. What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I was thinking,” she started, pulling on her fingers, “I think you should pay for the fence work.”

Gus clicked her tongue in disappointment.

“Waverly,” she sighed and shook her head, “We’ve been over this. Nicole is doing the fence. She already done half the work. I’m not dropping her after all the work she’s done because you don’t like her. I thought you’d gotten over this by now.”

“No, no. I mean, that’s not what I meant. I was trying to say, I think you should _pay Nicole_. For the work she’s doing.”

Gus looked at her curiously.

“Instead of the truck?” she wondered surprised, “She was pretty damn set about it. Something change her mind? Did she say something? Ask you to ask me about this?”

“N-No,” she shook her head, “She didn’t say anything. She doesn’t know I’m talking to you about this. It’s just me.”

“Ok?”

“Also, I was kind of thinking you could pay her… _and_ give her the truck?” her voice at the end of her question, knowing it was a strange request.

“Waverly- “

“You were going to pay someone anyway, right?” Waverly’s words began rushing out, “Probably a lot more than you would get for the truck. You said yourself you’d be lucky if it ended up going for scrap, right? A-And the work she’s done and still has to do is worth more than what you’d get for it. Especially doing it herself.”

“Well just what brought on this idea, hm?”

Waverly looked down at her hands, picking at the nails as she shrugged awkwardly.

“Nothing,” she lied, unsure if she should disclose the information she’d learned while snooping at Nicole’s house, “Just thinking. I want to be fair, that’s all.”

“Is that so?” Gus asked, and Waverly gave her a jerky nod.

Gus continued to look at her for a few seconds, causing Waverly to force herself not to squirm under her eyes. She felt like Gus was trying to read her mind right then and that if she weren’t careful, the woman would succeed.

Finally, she let out a sigh, “I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

X

* * *

“Seriously, I bet it would be so easy,” Wynonna continued, “Need a quick buck, just lose some clothes and dance to some pumping music and boom. Rake it in.”

Nicole laughed at the idea, “You’ve seen me dance, right?”

“Well, yeah, but what you lack in rhythm, you make up for in…” she trailed off as they stepped on Nicole’s street and her house came into view, “Who’s that?”

Nicole paused and saw the unfamiliar car in the driveway and the lights on the main floor illuminating the windows.

“I don’t know,” she said, “with my luck, probably a debt collector or something.”

“A debt collector who lets themselves into your house?”

Nicole didn’t say anything, instead just started walking towards it, a bit slower and cautious. As she got closer, she could hear Dozer barking from inside, loud, and fast and angry. It sent all her alarm bells ringing.

She stopped at the car and looked inside for a clue as to who it could be and found nothing that gave anything away. She reached in her pocket and took out the boxcutter she still had from her shift as she approached the door the slightly open door.

“Stay here.”

“Wha-Stay here?” Wynonna repeated and quickly followed. Meeting her on the porch she reminded her in a low voice, “Hello! Dead. Unless there’s a ghostbuster inside, I think I’m good.”

“Right. Habit, I guess.”

“Aw, so protective,” Wynonna said, ruffling her hair.

Nicole shook her hand away as she focused on the fact that someone was in her house. She slid the blade out of the knife and took a breath.

“Ok.”

Slowly pushing the door open enough to slip in as quietly as possible, Dozer’s noises became louder around her. She carefully started making her way towards where his kennel was, feeling doubly bad that he was stuck in it now that someone he didn’t know was there when they clearly shouldn’t be. She got braced herself for whatever potential confrontation would follow.

“Shut up!” a harsh voice shouted, followed by what sounded like someone kicking the side of the kennel, making Dozer begin to snarl and Nicole’s stomach drop.

She knew that angry voice all too well. Retracting the knife, she rounded the corner and swallowed.

“Mom?”

X

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X  
  



	11. Like Spiders Across the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY (and happier) NEW YEAR!
> 
> Fair warning, lots of cursing in this one. I doubt that's an issue for anyone, but just in case. :)  
> Also one bit of dialogue from Nicole's mother uses a word in a derogatory way, I believe it would be categorized as sanism, but I could be labeling it wrong. Just want to put the warning out there.
> 
> This one is a lot in length and in happenings.
> 
> Enjoy?

_The group all reacted at once. Some just freezing in shock and others making noise of surprise or protest. Kate looked away clearly embarrassed and Dolls stood up. But none of their reactions registered to Nicole; only aware that Wynonna immediately stood from her lap and pushed against Doc’s chest to separate them at the same time Nicole jumped angrily to her own feet._

_She reached around Wynonna, grabbing a fistful of Doc’s shirt._

_“What are you doing?” Nicole asked furiously, pushing forward to get in his face, “What the_ fuck _do you think you’re doing?”_

_“Nicole,” Wynonna said, wrapping a hand around her arm, “Leave it. He’s not worth it.”_

_“No, this piece of shit needs to know he can’t mess around with people like this.”_

_Doc held his hands up as Nicole kept a tight hold on his collar, “Well I was only following the rules of the game.”_

_“You son of a bitch,” Nicole stepped threateningly closer, forcing him back against the wall with her grip._

_“Why Nicole, you seem a might insecure in your relationship,” he smirked._

_She shoved him into the wall again, dropping her hand from his shirt and pulling it back in a fist ready to fly. A large hand wrapped around her wrist before she could send it into his arrogant face._

_“That’s enough,” Xavier said, separating them with a strong arm between their bodies, “Let’s cool it.”_

_“I’m cool,” Doc said, earning an automatic shove from Xavier who pointed a finger at him._

_“You shut your mouth,” he ordered and kept Nicole from surging forward again. He pushed her back a few steps and spoke low for only her ears, “Take a minute. Think about your future. Don’t risk something bad coming from this. Ok.”_

_Nicole knew what he was talking about. She was offered a partial scholarship to play ball. It wasn’t a lot, but it made things a little more attainable. Though at that moment, she didn’t give a damn about any consequences that might come from letting Doc know exactly what she thought of him; physical, legal, or otherwise. To hell with playing basketball if she could smash that stupid moustache off his face._

_Wynonna stepped in front of her, hands going to the clenched muscles of her jaw as she tried to coax her to look at her._

_“Hey, calm down, it’s ok,” she tried to get her angry eyes on hers, “Punk. Look at me.”_

_Nicole finally did as she said and looked at her girlfriend. She blew out a breath and dropped her head for a moment._

_“Ok?” Wynonna whispered._

_Nicole lifted her head and her eyes automatically darted around the room at the group around them. Everyone watching them; watching_ her _._

_“Fuck this,” she declared and stormed out of the room._

_She was stomping through the yard, pulling her keys out of her pocket when Wynonna caught up to her._

_“Nicole, wait!”_

_“This was stupid,” she mumbled to herself, then turned her head over her shoulder, “I’m leaving.”_

_“That’s fine. We can go, but you’ve been drinking,” Wynonna warned, “Plus, look, your car’s blocked in.”_

_Nicole looked where Wynonna gestured and saw that Rosita’s car was indeed parked behind hers._

_“Damn it.”_

* * *

X

* * *

Nicole stared at the woman standing in the kitchen. Even though it had been months since she’d last seen her, it felt like years had passed between them. She was tanner than Nicole remembered, the greys in her hair had spread farther out from her temples. But there was no doubt in the world who she was looking at.

“God, can you make that thing shut up?” she demanded.

Nicole shook her head, snapping out of it and looking at Dozer still barking and snarling in his kennel ready to defend their home from the stranger.

“He’s not a thing,” she said as she knelt down to undo the latch, “His name is Dozer, and he lives here.”

She opened the door and used one hand to hook her fingers through his collar to keep him from taking off, and the other to start petting his head.

“It’s ok, buddy,” she soothed, scratching his ear in just the spot he liked, “It’s all ok. You did good, boy. You’re such a good boy. I promise.”

“You should let him go,” she saw Wynonna standing in front of them, arms crossed and glaring at her mother, “Maybe he’ll rip her a new asshole.”

“Whatever you call it, shut it up,” her mom ordered, the screech in her voice causing Dozer to get riled up again.

“Just- “Nicole held up a hand at her mom before focusing on her dog again. She decided to take him to her room for a while so she could deal with her mom for the night. Struggling a bit with his collar as he tried to get to the person he saw as an intruder, Nicole held on tight, “Ok, ok. I know, Doze. I know. Wait here for me buddy ok? Here, play with your rope. Take the rope. I’ll be back, ok?”

She closed the door and took a second to lean back against it, knocking the back of her head against the wood.

“Don’t do that,” she felt Wynonna’s hand slip between her head and the door, “You cracked your head open a few months ago, remember? Maybe don’t go banging it against doors. Deal?”

Nicole took a long breath and looked at Wynonna with sad eyes and whispered, “What the fuck?”

“I’m telling you,” Wynonna said in all seriousness, “Let him at her. You know she deserves it. Showing up like nothing happened after ghosting you when she did.”

Nicole ran a hand over her face a bit rougher than she had to before rubbing her temple.

“You ok?”

Nicole looked at her again, rolling her lips.

“I don’t want to talk to her,” she whispered, “I don’t…she _disappeared_. I was…in the hospital and she…”

“I know,” Wynonna stepped close and ran her hand up into her hair to pull her forehead to lean against hers, “You don’t have to talk to her. You don’t owe her shit, hear me? You can get your dog and a bag and get out of here tonight. Go to the homestead, you know Gus wouldn’t hesitate giving you a place for the night. Or longer if you need it.”

Nicole closed her eyes, the action forcing a tear to slide down her cheek.

“Nicky!” the voice came through the house, “Where the fuck did you go?”

Nicole’s eyes wrenched shut even tighter.

“Nicky,” she repeated, “I fucking hate it.”

“I know,” Wynonna sighed.

Nicole stood up straight and wiped her face once more before heading back down the hall. She returned to the kitchen in time to see her mom removing a beer from the fridge.

“Hardly any booze, Nicky?” she complained, “What the hell?”

Nicole shoved her hands into her pockets, clenching her hidden fists, a million responses on the tip of her tongue.

“Where’ve you been?” she muttered instead.

Her mom spun around and looked at her daughter, “You don’t sound happy to see me, Nicky. Did I ruin some party plan?”

“Don’t- “Nicole started, shaking her head, “don’t call me Nicky. You know I hate it.”

“I’ll call you whatever the hell I want, _Nicky_ ,” she said angrily, “I’m the parent, remember? You don’t call the shots. Remember?”

“This bitch,” Wynonna said, eyes glued on the woman.

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

“What the hell have you been up to here, huh?” she asked, lifting her hand to knock against the cabinet above her, “No food in the kitchen. Furniture missing. A fucking animal in my house. What have you been doing?”

“Trying to survive, you selfish bitch,” Wynonna snapped, stepping in front of Nicole, “No thanks to you.”

“You sell my shit for drugs?” she accused, “Is that it?”

Nicole shook her head, “No.”

She hated how she could make her feel so small. Swallowing, she shifted her weight from foot to foot while gazing at the floor. She cleared her throat as the words started to escape her without warning.

“I’m fine, by the way,” she said.

“What?”

Nicole took a breath and lifted her head to face her, “I said I’m fine,” she repeated, “Get headaches sometimes. And the doctor said I should probably get glasses or something ‘cause my vision’s a little blurry now, but otherwise I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

“What the hell is your smart mouth on about?” she raised an eyebrow.

Nicole cleared her throat again, speaking with a little more strength.

“I just figured since you took off while I was in the hospital, you’d want to know how I was doing.”

Her mom took slow steps towards her, brown eyes looking straight into the identical pair she’d inherited. Nicole felt her body tense up out of habit. Her breath stalled in her chest and her fists tightened in her pockets. It took everything she had to ignore the urge to hunch her shoulders.

“Don’t you dare,” Wynonna said darkly, even though the threat was useless.

However, after a moment more, her mother just clicked her tongue and smiled.

“Oh Nicky,” she said with a saccharine tone, ignoring the way her daughter winced at the word, “I knew you’d be fine. You’re a big girl.”

Nicole waited until she stepped back to the counter where she’d left the beer to let out her breath and speak again, “Where were you?”

“Living my life, Nicky. You know I am allowed to have fun,” she said, picking up the bottle and opening it. She took a sip and went on, “If you really want to know. Your mama was the life of the party in sin city, baby.”

“Sin City?”

She swallowed a sip then looked at Nicole like she was an idiot.

“Las Vegas?” she elaborated, “Jesus, Nicky, I know you’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I never pegged you for slow.”

“I’m not- “she shook her head, “You could have called.”

Her mom let out a sharp laugh, “You need your mommy to call and tell you goodnight? Please, baby, like you would’ve wanted to crawl off of that girlfriend of yours to answer.”

“Don’t talk about her,” Nicole blurted out, sharper than she intended.

She stopped drinking and looked at her daughter, “What’s gotten into you? I remember teaching you more respect than this.”

“My problem is you’ve been in Vegas partying this whole time while I’ve been here, working my ass off and selling our stuff to pay the bills,” she snapped, “What the hell, mom?”

Nicole didn’t really see what happened next. It went too fast. One second, she was facing her mother, the next she was on her knees, hands on her head, covering her eye and brow as a searing pain radiated from it. Her mouth hung open for the half-vocalized sounds of pain.

“How many times do I gotta tell you to watch how you talk to me?!” her mother shouted, the sound increasing the pain in her head.

She fell forward, leaving one hand on her head while the other planted against the tile to keep from falling all the way down. She felt her fingers hit the edge of bottle and sending it sliding against the floor.

That’s right.

She remembered the hard thunk that vibrated through her ears as the pain exploded where the bottle had nailed her.

“Not her head you fucking bitch!” she heard Wynonna yell; sounding farther away than usual even as Nicole felt her kneel next to her. Her hands carefully cupped her face, “Let me see it. Nicole, can you look at me?”

“God damn it, girl,” her mom groaned, “I think that was the last beer! Look what you did.”

Nicole only managed a grunt in response as she tried to get her bearings. She made a clumsy attempt to get to her feet but only ended up falling back to sit against the pantry door.

“Yep, last beer,” her mom complained after checking the fridge to be sure, “That’s just great.”

_“You’ve been drinking.”_

“Ungh,” Nicole felt her throat vibrate as she tried again to maneuver her legs under her, but quickly felt them slide out to lay before her on the floor. Her mom walked over to her and shook her head

“You haven’t even asked how my trip went,” she kicked her daughter’s leg before moving to step over her, “Pull yourself together. Jesus.”

“I-ugh,” Nicole tried, and made an attempt to reach for her mother’s leg as she stepped over her but failed.

“Nicole, Nicole can you hear me?” Wynonna’s foggy voice came again, “Move your hand, let me see.”

Nicole slumped more against the door and pulled her hand away from her head, seeing through blurry eyes the red splotch on her hand.

“Wy…”

_God her head had never hurt so much._

_It felt like there were anchor hooked on her eyes, but she managed to open them somehow._

_“Wy-Wynonna?” her voice croaked the slurred word._

“Wynonna?”

_She blinked slowly, discovering the weight that had been holding her eyes down was actually something sticking to her eyelashes. A weird red hue covered her eye and she groaned as she lifted her head from the window it was laying against. The first realization that she was in a car. Every inch of movement sending agony shooting through her body, originating from her head._

_“Wynonna? Are you- “_

“…ok?”

 _She looked in the seat beside her and saw it was empty. The seat her girlfriend should have been in. The seat she_ had _been in._

“W’nonna?”

“Hey, hey I’m here,” her voice came again, making Nicole blink heavily, “Stay awake, ok? I think you need help. Get your phone out and call someone.”

“You’re here?” Nicole questioned, her eyes moving around to see her, seeing she wasn’t actually in a car.

“Yeah, yeah I’m here. Come on, get your phone out. Call somebody.”

“Ungh,” Nicole grunted and started sluggishly trying to get up.

“No, don’t,” Wynonna said, grabbing her arm, “Listen to me, you have to get your phone. Damn it, I can’t do it for you.”

Nicole ignored her orders and managed to pull herself to her feet. She stumbled and ended up leaning against the wall. Her shoulder sliding along it to keep her standing as she moved on instinct towards her room.

“Nicole, I think you need a doctor, your head- “

“Nuh-uh,” she mumbled, fumbling at the bedroom door, her bloody hand sliding around the knob until she managed to open it, “Gotta go t’bed. Work t’morrow.”

She stumbled around Dozer as she fell towards her bed. Collapsing on it, she managed to roll on to her back and let out a breath.

“S’better.”

“God dammit,” Wynonna said, her voice dripping with concern, “Please, we need to call someone. Please!”

“K,” Nicole said, bringing her phone out of her pocket and holding it out to Wynonna, “You do it.”

She shoved it towards Wynonna’s hand and let go, immediately hearing it clatter to the floor.

“Oops,” she muttered as her arm fell to the mattress beside her.

“Punk,” Wynonna’s voice cracked, “Nicole, I don’t know how to help you.”

“Punk,” Nicole repeated the endearment with a smile. She felt her mouth open to say something else but didn’t know if she actually managed before her eyes fell shut, though she thought she heard Wynonna's drifting voice once more.

“Damn it, how do I help you?”

* * *

X

* * *

Waverly grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl between she and Gus as they watched their weekly movie. Her aunt still hadn’t given her an answer on her proposal to pay Nicole for the work, but she figured if she let her sit with it for a while, the woman would go for it.

As she was bringing the salty snack to her mouth she stopped and noticeably shivered as a chill ran up her spine.

“Ok?” Gus asked, not taking her eyes off the screen where Dorothy was stepping out of her house into Oz.

“Yeah,” she looked around the room as if she’d find the cause of it somewhere, “Just got a…feeling.”

“What kind of feeling?” Gus asked.

“I don’t know, a weird one. Like there’s something I should do,” she said and then shook her head, “Sorry, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Well, you know what I tell ya,” she said, “Feelings happen for a reason. Is there something you should be doing?”

Waverly bit her lip, trying to decide what her sudden instinct was telling her. Strangely only one thing was coming to mind and she didn’t know why.

“I think so,” she answered, putting aside the pillow she’d been holding and standing up. She looked at the door and then back to her aunt, “Will you come with me? I just, I feel like I should make sure everything’s ok.”

Gus clicked off the television and put the bowl on the coffee table.

“Lead the way.”

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	12. Pushed To The Edge, Out On A Ledge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hi! Hi!
> 
> Wow you guys had a lot to say after the last chapter! I apologize for leaving you that way.
> 
> Here you go!

_Nicole grunted as she finally managed to release her seatbelt. Every inch of movement felt like it took all the strength she had. She felt nauseous from the intense agony coming from her head and fought the urge to close her eyes in an attempt to let it pass; afraid if she did, she wouldn’t be strong enough to open them up again._

_Her mouth moved, opening and closing a few times before she managed to actually speak._

_“Wy…” she tried again to call to her, her voice cracking under the weight of the sound coming from her throat._

_Her head rolled to the side again, still trying to make sense of the empty seat beside her. It didn’t make sense. Wynonna should be there. Where was she? Where was the windshield? What was going on?_

_“Ungh.”_

_God, her head was killing her. She put a hand against the right side of her head where it felt like all the pain was blooming from. The second her hand touched it she pulled it away; the contact only causing the pain to increase. Her fingers felt slick and warm after, like she’d dipped them in something._

_None of it made sense._

_She fumbled with the door handle for a few moments before she was able to force the door open, the metal groaning as it moved for her. Gracelessly, she slid her legs out, her feet instantly dropping out from under her as soon as they touched the ground. A sharp cry burst from her as she collapsed to the asphalt._

_Nausea hitting again full force after the upending movements and her stomach contracted painfully; barely allowing her a minute to drop her head before she vomited. Everything that had been in her stomach being expelled violently to splash against the hard ground in front of her._

_A sob escaped her lips, her muddled brain desperate for explanation. The tears burned down her cheeks, mixing with blood and sweat on her face. Gulping in heavy breaths, she managed to raise her head pull whatever was left in her to scream._

_“Wynonna!”_

* * *

X

* * *

Her chest vibrated with a low moan as Nicole felt herself coming around in pieces. Her fingers flexed, feeling the material beneath them. The texture feeling familiar but a bit difficult to place without the rest of her helping out. It was when sounds and smells started to come to her that she felt her heart begin to speed up.

She didn’t need to open her eyes to know where she was.

Not again.

She groaned, the noise coming from a deep place in her that didn’t want to relive those moments again. Unable to hide from it any longer, though, she opened her eyes just enough to confirm her suspicions and closed them again.

“No,” she whined, wondering if it really was as broken as it sounded in her own ears.

“It’s ok,” she heard, feeling a hand lay on her own.

She calmed a bit at the warmth and knowledge that she wasn’t alone. She should have known she wasn’t. She opened her eyes again, blinking several times against the spike that went through her head even at the dim lights around her. She noticed the usual blur she’d gotten used to seemed more pronounced than before, but nothing she couldn’t live with if it stuck around.

“Hey,” she heard softly beside her, surprised that when she looked it was Waverly, not Wynonna in her company.

Her face must have shown her surprise because Waverly immediately started trying to ease her.

“It’s ok,” she said, “You’re in the hospital. Gus is here, too. She’s talking with the doctor.”

“What…What happened?” she asked confused, immediately looking around and realizing the two of them were alone. Like _actually_ alone, “Where’s…” she stopped herself from finishing, “What happened?”

Waverly sighed, “I don’t know. Gus and I came by and you weren’t answering. Dozer was going crazy and the door was unlocked so we came in. We found you and,” she had to pause to clear her throat, “you were bleeding so much.”

“I was?” she asked, lifting a hand, and feeling the bandaging set along her head, feeling the slight tug from the IV as she did so.

As she touched the material, she remembered pieces of what happened. Her mother came back. Nicole pissed her off as usual. Wynonna was there. But where was she now?

Wait, Waverly said they were in her house.

“You said you guys came by. Was there anyone else there?” she asked, quickly hating the idea of the two of them coming across her mother, especially when she was already in a mood, “I mean, was anyone else there?”

“No,” Waverly answered slowly, slightly confused by the worry in her question, “Nicole what happened? Were you attacked? Did you have an-an accident?”

Nicole looked at her for a moment before answering, “An accident, yeah. Tripped on the curb walking home and …fell.”

“Jesus, that must’ve been a bad fall. How did you get inside after something like that?”

“Uh, adrenaline, I guess.”

“You should tell her,” Wynonna’s voice appeared suddenly, making Nicole jump in surprise and turn her head to look at her. She let out a puff of air as soon as she saw her.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” Waverly asked quickly, concerned by the sudden behavior.

“Yeah. I mean no,” she looked back to her, “I…Would you get the doctor? Just so I can talk to them about when I can go home? Please?”

“Oh,” Waverly voiced, brows lifting slightly at the abrupt request, “Of course.”

It was only then that she noticed she was still holding Nicole’s hand. She hadn’t realized it and let go quickly, hoping Nicole didn’t notice how awkward it was. Gathering herself, she got up to go do as she asked. When she reached the door, she paused, tapping her hand against her jeans a couple times before turning her head back.

“I’m really glad you’re ok,” she said softly before exiting.

Once she was gone, Nicole sat up quickly.

“Wyno-ah,” she hissed, her head pounding at the sudden action.

“Easy there,” Wynonna put a hand on her back, “You know we should really stop meeting like this.”

“You’re here,” she said, trying to keep herself steady after the rollercoaster of the last few…hours? How long had it actually been since she walked in to find her mom standing in the kitchen? “You’re still here.”

“Where else would I be?”

“When I didn’t see you…” she started nervously, grabbing the sleeve of her jacket and pulling her closer, “I thought you were gone. That she…she knocked you out of me or something.”

“You think I’d let that bitch win on me like that?” she asked, brushing her fingers across Nicole’s forehead, “Never. How many times have I told you? Whenever you need me, I’m here.”

“I’ll always need you.”

Wynonna hummed and cupped her face carefully in both hands, dropping a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Then I’m always here, aren’t I?”

Nicole closed her eyes, covering one of Wynonna’s hands with her own and allowing the relief to settle in her chest. It didn’t last long before she heard footsteps and she dropped her hand. Waverly returned with Gus and Dr. Pressman, who she remembered from the last time she had to be there.

“Good to see your eyes, girl,” Gus said with a small grin, “Even if they’re a little different right now.”

“Huh?”

“Just a little hemorrhage in your eye,” Dr. Pressman said, “A few busted vessels, but nothing to be concerned about.”

“Oh,” Nicole said at the unexpected information since she obviously hadn’t seen what she looked like yet, “Is that why everything is extra blurry?”

“Why don’t we start at the beginning?” she suggested with a smile, “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Dr. Pressman.”

“I remember,” Nicole nodded. A person tends to remember the person they saw on the worst day of their life.

“Good,” she smiled, “Well you were brought in by ambulance last night – “

“Ambulance?” Nicole interrupted, sending a panicked look to Wynonna who was standing against the wall, her thumbnail between her teeth as she took everything in at the same time as her.

“I called them,” Waverly volunteered, “You weren’t waking up and there was a lot of blood and… “

“But I can’t -I can’t _afford_ an ambulance ride,” she admitted, eyes darting around everyone nervously. She lifted her hand hooked to the IV and gestured to it, “I can’t afford any of this.”

“Hush now,” Gus said, patting her leg from her spot, “Don’t worry about any of that.”

“But I- “

“I said hush,” she repeated, “Let the nice doctor speak.”

Nicole swallowed but nodded her agreement, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Nicole. Stop me anytime you have questions, ok?” she reassured, “Now, you came in with a head wound. We were able to stop the bleeding and get you good and stabilized. We’ve got you on some pain meds that should keep the worst of it under control. The concern, however, is that this has come fairly close in time to the serious trauma earlier this year.”

Nicole started fidgeting with the blanket in her lap, “So what…what does it mean? Like, the headaches will be worse?”

“Possibly,” she answered, “Now that you’re awake we can do some tests to get a look at any possible issues. Last time, we noted that your vision was affected. Does it seem worse now?”

“I mean, a little I guess?” Nicole was embarrassed by how small her voice sounded, even to her and cleared her throat, trying to add a little more confidence, “Nothing major.”

“Ok,” she made a note in the folder she had and gave Nicole a kind smile, “We’ll definitely have a look at that.”

“And then I can go?” she asked, “I really can’t be here long. It costs so much, and I have to work.”

“Let’s do one thing at a time, ok?” Dr. Pressman nodded with another smile, “I’m going to get things started. You just try to relax and if you need anything, you- “

“The button,” Nicole finished, “I remember.”

“Right,” her smile looked a little sadder that time, maybe the fact that she was familiar with the hospital for the worst reasons, “I promise we’ll get you out of here as soon as we can. Ok?”

“K.”

When she left, Wynonna returned to her bedside, laying a hand on her arm.

“All right?”

Nicole gave the smallest shrug of her shoulders before Gus started speaking.

“Well, looks like you’ll live, huh?” she said with a small smile, “Good news.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, “I’ll be back to the fence as soon as they let me out.”

Gus clicked her tongue, “You’ll do what the doctor says, that’s what you’ll do. The fence will be fine to wait for you to be all better.”

“You said you want it done by- “

“Nicole,” Gus interrupted, using a no-nonsense tone that shut her mouth, “It doesn’t matter what I said before. Listen to what I’m saying now, the fence _and the truck_ , will be waiting for you. You need to take care of yourself. We’re lucky you’re ok.”

“She’s a smart lady,” Wynonna said, “You should do what she says.”

“And we’re real damn lucky for that dog of yours,” Gus continued, “If he hadn’t been causing such a ruckus, we likely wouldn’t have let ourselves in as quick as we did.”

Dozer.

Nicole suddenly registered it the second mention of him since waking up. Her mom must have left the house before they’d come over for whatever reason; likely to find some alcohol, Nicole figured. But if she came back with Dozer alone, there was no guarantee she wouldn’t act out against him, especially if drunk. She’d made it perfectly clear how she felt about Nicole’s dog.

“Dozer,” she said, suddenly filled with worry, “Where is he? Is he at the house?”

Waverly spoke up at Nicole’s growing concern.

“Don’t worry,” she started to explain, “He’s ok. I made sure he had plenty of food and water and that all the doors were closed. I would’ve brought him with us, but we came straight here. We can’t really have a dog in a hospital, you know?”

“No,” Nicole mumbled, grabbing the IV and pulling it out with a wince.

“What are you doing?” Waverly gasped at the same time Wynonna ordered, “Don’t!”

Ignoring them, she threw off the blanket and moved to get to her feet.

“Hey, Nicole, stop.”

“Calm down, just sit down.”

“You better sit your ass back down.”

Everyone was talking around her, voices getting mixed in her brain.

“I have to get him,” she said, sliding to the edge of the bed, “I need to get Dozer.”

The protests around her continued, the mess of it all making her head hurt more as she tried to get away from the hands urging her to stay in bed.

“No, you don’t- “she argued, “I have to get him.”

“Nicole!”

She clamped her eyes shut, unable to tell if that was Wynonna or Waverly as everything swirled in her brain.

“He’ll be fine on his own for a bit,” she heard, “You need to stay- “

“No!” she finally snapped, shouting despite the echoing throb it caused her, “I need to get him. He’s all I have; I can’t let her hurt him!”

The women in front of her froze, looking at her with shock and confusion at the outburst. Gus spoke first.

“Who?” she asked, making Nicole realize what she’d said, “Can’t let _who_ hurt him, Nicole?”

Waverly looked back and forth between them for half a second, coming to her own realization out loud, “You didn’t fall, did you?”

“I…” she avoided Waverly’s eyes, choosing to look at Wynonna for some sort of guidance.

“Tell them,” she suggested, “Please.”

“I…I just want my dog,” she cowered out.

Wynonna sighed, but still rubbed her hand up and down her back to comfort her, even though she hadn’t done as she’d requested.

“Nicole, look at me,” Gus commanded sternly, waiting until her eyes were on her, “Yes or no, is she back?”

She didn’t mention any name, but she didn’t need to. It was in the dark shadow that came over her eyes as she asked the question. Nicole always wondered if Gus knew more than she ever let on. Wynonna squeezed her arm and Nicole’s eyes drifted to flicked to Waverly briefly, wondering if she knew too. Embarrassment burned through her as she sat back and nodded.

She saw Gus’ mouth tighten up before she seemed to settle herself.

“Ok,” she said after a moment, “I’m going to go get the dog and take him to the homestead. He’ll be fine there. And when I get back, we’re gonna talk.”

“Gus, I- “

“You take it easy,” she interrupted whatever Nicole was about to say, “Waverly will stay here, and I’ll call her to let you know when I’ve got him. Ok? And she’ll call me if I need to know anything.”

She looked at her niece as she said the last part, receiving a jerky nod from her. With the confirmation that she’d been heard, she left the room. Waverly jumping to catch her in the hallway before she got far.

“Gus, wait,” she grabbed her arm to stop her, “What’s going on? Who are you talking about? Do you know who did that to her?”

“I think so,” she answered, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Gus- “

“Waverly, please,” she said harshly before walking away.

Waverly returned to the room, a dozen questions on her tongue ready to ask what it was everyone but her seemed to know. The words, however, turned to ash when she stepped in the room and saw Nicole.

She’d turned to lay on her side, thankfully not the injured side of her head. Strangely holding one of her hands up a bit, like she was feeling the air around her. Observing quietly, she stepped closer and could hear her speaking. Her voice low, but noticeably thick and heavy.

“I know,” she heard her saying, “I’m sorry. I should have…” a soft chuckle and a sniffle, “Yeah.”

From her place, Waverly also saw the moment Nicole became aware of her presence. The muscles in her back tensed up and her hand lowered back down to the mattress. She approached the side she was facing, quietly taking the seat there.

They both stayed still in the silence for a little while before Nicole spoke.

“Bet you have questions,” she said, sounding dejected.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, she answered, “I do.”

Another handful of quiet seconds passed.

“Are you going to ask them?”

Waverly looked into her eyes, the red splotch like a fingerprint in the right one not distracting from how deep those browns seemed. And how very sad they looked.

“Do you want to answer questions right now?”

“No.”

“Then no,” she replied nonchalantly, doing her best to give her a comforting smile.

She saw Nicole’s lips twitch in response.

“Thank you.”

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote half of this thing so many times before I was satisfied. Hope it ended up working!


	13. Burn, Burn, Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how late this one is. It was a hard one to get right, but I finally got there AND I'm up well past my usual bed time to get this out to you guys. So that means you have to forgive me right?
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_Nicole leaned against her car; her head tilted back as she took deep breaths. The had helped to tamp down her anger a bit. She could still feel it stewing in her bones, but no longer felt like she was about to fly off the handle. Though it was probably helped by the fact that she wasn’t looking at Doc’s smug face at the moment._

_God, she shouldn’t have come._

_She squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose._

_“Bingo!” she heard as Wynonna left the house and opened her eyes, spotting her jogging over. She noticed she was alone, though she’d gone to get Rosita to move her car._

_“She coming?”_

_“Nah,” she answered and held up a set of keys, “She said to take hers. She’s gonna crash here and we can come back to trade off tomorrow.”_

_“All right,” Nicole shrugged, accepting the plan, “Let’s go.”_

_Nicole stepped forward and reached for the keys._

_“Ah,” Wynonna voiced, pulling them away from her, “Nope.”_

_“Wy,” she said in a sigh, “Come on.”_

_“You’ve been drinking.”_

_“So, have you,” she answered._

_“But I hold it better,” she said back, “Plus if Nedley or one of his flat foots catches us, I don’t have a fancy scholarship to lose, do I?”_

_“Wynonna- “she reached again, this time Wynonna swung the hand holding the keys behind her back and snuck a quick kiss to her lips before bouncing away towards the car._

_Nicole shook her head, smiling at her antics as she followed._

_“You sure you’re good?” she asked as she got in the seat._

_Wynonna looks at her with a wink, “Golden.”_

* * *

_X_

* * *

Gus sat in the car, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel while she waited, her eyes repeatedly going between the empty road and the house, wanting to make sure Lydia didn’t try to leave. She was doing her best to keep control now that she was alone without someone to stay sturdy for. Trying to keep levelheaded despite what she really wanted to do.

What she really wanted to do was break down the door, drag Lydia Haught out by her hair, and show her exactly why the Gibson’s used to be the girls that parents of Purgatory didn’t want their kids hanging around back in her day.

Especially because she knew. She _knew_. From the moment Wynonna first brought Nicole over, she recognized something in her that she knew from Michelle and girls living with Ward. She told herself she would keep an eye on her, be vigilant in case it ever got bad.

But then Wynonna died, and Gus was left with a shattered niece and trying to get ahold of Michelle and taking care of all the little details that had to be done afterwards. And somehow, somewhere in there, find time to deal with her own grief. Only a year after Curtis’ death. It felt like, in the blink of an eye, her once full house had become a skeleton of what it had been.

She made no effort to keep contact with Nicole as she pulled herself away in the aftermath. She failed the promise she’d made herself, and Nicole suffered for it.

Wynonna would certainly have words for her. That girl was ten handfuls of chaos, but her heart was huge and when she loved it was something fierce. God knew that was exactly how she loved that girl. If she could see how things had gone down since, the fire would burn Purgatory to the ground behind her.

Gus could still see so clearly the way Nicole had shattered right in front of her eyes. That night in the hospital, she’d taken it upon herself to deliver the news to Nicole. Deciding, as much as it hurt, she would put herself aside, so she didn’t have to have hear it from a stranger.

She didn’t think anything could ever be as painful as the way it felt to see Waverly crumple in her arms, completely overtaken with the heartbreak, but Nicole’s silent devastation as she turned away from her was pretty damn close.

The familiar car coming her way pulled her form her memories and she sat up straight in the driver’s seat. Flipping down the visor, she took a look at herself in the mirror, surprised to her cheeks wet. She wiped away the evidence and gave her cheeks a few pats.

“Come on, Gibson,” she chastised herself, nodding once she felt she looked like the hard woman people of Purgatory expected.

She got out of the car and met her old friend in front of the driveway.

“Randy,” she nodded, “Took your time.”

“Considering I don’t even know why I’m here; I think I made good time,” he excused, “You want to tell me?”

Gus looked at the house and crossed her arms.

“You’re here in case I need you.”

“Vague,” he said, “At least tell me this is above board.”

“It’s the right thing,” she said instead of answering directly, “Trust me.”

“Goodie,” Nedley said dryly and tipped his hat back, “Well, get to it. The sooner we do whatever this is, the sooner I can start regretting it.”

With a nod, she went to the door, aware of Nedley on her heels. She wasted no time at the door and started banging and shouting at the same time.

“Lydia Haught!” she hollered, “Get your ass down here and open this door!”

“Gus,” Nedley warned, “Am I going to have to arrest you here?”

Ignoring him, she just continued to knock, not stopping until the door finally opened.

“What the f- “the woman started angrily, stopping in surprise when she saw the two on her porch, “What’s this?”

Her eyes settled on Gus, recognizing who she was after a moment.

“Your girl ain’t here,” she stated directly, “Her and Nicky are probably off fooling around somewhere.”

“You stupid mess,” Gus said shaking her head, “I’m here for the dog.”

The woman barked out a laugh.

“Is that it?” she said lightly, “Take the damn thing. I don’t give a shit.”

“You’re just letting us take your daughter’s dog?” Gus asked, “Not even asking questions?”

“What do I care?” she shrugged, “I don’t want it here. Nicky will get over it.”

Gus tightened her jaw and reminded herself she was there for one reason at the moment. Nicole wanted the dog out of the house as soon as possible. Now wasn’t the time to get into it with the woman.

“Well, lets have him then. Where is he?”

Lydia shrugged, “Outside somewhere, I don’t know. Stupid thing wouldn’t shut up ‘til I opened the door. Thought he was gonna take my head off.”

“When the hell was that?” Gus asked angrily, not waiting for the answer before heading around to the fence. She could hear Nedley following as she pushed open the gate and searched for a sign of the shepherd.

“Dozer,” she called out and then gave a sharp whistle.

They walked further into the backyard until Nedley stopped her, pointing at the fence.

“See that?” he asked, specifically directing her to the noticeable chunk of disturbed earth.

Hurrying over, Gus realized it was a hole, dug up beneath the fence.

“Shit.”

“That look big enough for her dog to go through?”

Gus rubbed her face and then smacked her palm hard against the fence, “Shit!”

She marched back around to the front door and let herself in without hesitation.

Lydia turned in surprise at the intrusion.

“What the hell are you- “her words were cut off as Gus struck her across the face.

“Gus!” Nedley hollered, grabbing the woman, and pulling her away.

“You piece of shit, sorry excuse for a mother!” Gus exploded, completely out of character.

“Oh, and you’re so high and mighty!” Lydia shouted back, “With that girl you raised probably running around giving it away to anyone with spare change in their pocket!”

Gus took another swing at the woman but Nedley kept her from getting close enough to land.

“You don’t even know what’s been going on! You don’t care what that girl’s been through. What _you_ put her through!” she snapped back, “She’s in the hospital right damn now because of you! And don’t you even _think_ about my niece ever again!”

“Get her out of my house!”

“Let’s go,” Nedley said, even as Gus kept trying to give the woman another piece of her mind. He managed to get her outside and held her by the shoulders to look at him, “Hey! This is why you brought me here, right? To stop the shit from hitting the fan.”

Gus nodded reluctantly before taking a breath.

“Damn it, I gotta find that dog, Randy,” she told him, “I can’t tell Nicole he’s gone. It’ll destroy what’s left of her.”

“We’ll find him,” he promised, squeezing her shoulders, “and in the meantime, you can fill me in on exactly what’s going on.”

“How much time you got?”

* * *

X

* * *

“Gus should’ve called by now.”

The soft words almost scared Waverly. Nicole had been quiet for what felt like hours while they waited to hear from Gus. Waverly had let the silence, holding back all the questions she had about what was going on.

What really happened last night?

Who did that to her?

Who was Gus talking about?

What was Nicole doing when Waverly came into the room?

So many things she wanted to ask, but knew it was probably not the time to bombard Nicole with them.

“I’m sure everything’s fine,” Waverly answered, “She’d tell us if something was wrong.”

Nicole didn’t answer, her eyes drifting to look at the space beside Waverly. She had noticed her doing that a lot; just staring at the empty air next to her. It was a small, unimportant thing, likely just Nicole’s gaze wandering along with her mind. But she couldn’t help but wonder if it was maybe Nicole just working hard to avoid looking at her.

“Why don’t you tell me about Dozer?” Waverly suggested, wanting to keep her from worrying herself.

“What do you want to know?”

Waverly shrugged with a smile, “Anything. The day you met him. What made you decide to bring him home? Or get a dog at all? Whatever you want.”

Nicole rolled to lay on her back again and folded her hands on her stomach.

“It was an impulse,” she told her, “I was coming home from Al’s and just kind of kept walking around until I ended up near the shelter. I thought it might help to go in and look at the animals.”

“Help with what?”

“All of it,” she answered vaguely, “When we lived in the city, I used to go to the shelter and spend hours going between the cats and dogs. Just hanging out with them. I think the staff felt sorry for me, ‘cause they never kicked me out. I think they could see how…lonely I was.”

Her fingers started to pick at the blanket.

“There was this cat there. This big, grumpy, orange thing. She was a couple years old and didn’t let anyone near her without a fight. But she came to me,” she felt a small smile tug at her lips, “As soon as I came in the room, she’d come up to the front of her kennel and start batting at the latch with her paw. I loved that cat; I think she loved me, too. In her way.”

Waverly smiled too, imagining Nicole charming a grouchy old cat.

“Sounds like she did,” she agreed, “Did you ever think about adopting her?”

Nicole’s smile dropped a bit, looking a little sadder than before.

“Asked my mom once. Begged is more like it,” her gaze fell to her right arm, the ghost of pain long faded pulsing there and she ran a finger over the skin, her eyes started going distant, “I didn’t ask a second time.”

Clearing her throat, she blinked a few times, “One day I went, and she was gone. Adopted by someone else; someone who could take care of her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You never told me that,” Wynonna’s voice came gently from beside her sister.

Nicole looked at her, surprised by the truth of the soft statement. She hadn’t told her that.

“Sorry, I…” she began, eyes going from Wynonna to Waverly, “Uh, after we moved to Purgatory, after I m-met Wynonna, I didn’t feel the need to go. I wasn’t…” she took a shuddering breath, “I wasn’t lonely anymore.”

Waverly felt her hand twitch, fighting the sudden urge to reach out to her. She didn’t know how welcome it would be and didn’t want to hurt the moment they’d found themselves in.

“And…after?” she asked carefully.

“After,” she repeated, “She was gone. Mom was gone, so there was no one to stop me and I…”

She paused, a hard lump in her throat that she tried to swallow down and force the shaky words out.

“I just…I needed another heartbeat in the house,” she admitted with a tear slipping down her cheek. She noticed the way Wynonna looked down at herself, slowly, almost cautiously, touched her palm to her chest. Laying it where her heart had once been beating.

“I’m sorry,” Nicole told her quickly and ran her hand across her cheeks, vanishing the tear away, “I didn’t mean it like…I don’t want you to feel…”

“Hey, don’t apologize,” Waverly said, drawing Nicole’s attention back to her, “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m glad you told me how you feel.”

Nicole rubbed her face, feeling the skin tug her bandage as she did, using the reminder of the wound to focus.

“Sorry,” she said again, “Um…anyway, Dozer. Yeah, he knocked me over the first time I met him. Like, smashed into my me and knocked me on my ass.”

She laughed at the memory.

“Didn’t even give me a chance to get up before he climbed on top of me,” she smiled, “He looked me in the eye and just looked so desperate and hopeful and I knew he needed it, too. The way I did.”

“That’s,” Waverly started, “That’s really sweet. I can tell he loves you. You gave him a good home.”

“I hope so,” she looked at Waverly, “He needs to be ok, Waverly. I don’t know what I’ll do if- “

“Don’t think like that,” Waverly interjected, “He’s fine. He’s probably waiting to knock you over as soon as he can.”

“Right,” Nicole answered quietly. Silence settled again once more before Nicole broke it, “Waverly?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you…” she said with uncertainty, “Do you miss her…the way I miss her?”

Waverly didn’t answer right away. Wondering how she could possibly try to equate their feelings. While they both loved Wynonna, it was in completely different ways.

“Sorry, you don’t-you don’t have to answer that,” she backtracked, “It’s the pain meds. I’m not thinking straight. I’m sorry.”

She laid back completely, pressing her head into the thin pillow.

“No, it’s ok. It’s just hard to say I guess,” she told her, “Hard to compare. How-How do you miss her?”

Nicole took a shaking breath, looking at Wynonna, searching for the words to describe it even as she knew nothing could properly do so.

“It’s like someone ripped out a piece of me. Like…” she tried to explain, not feeling it was anywhere close to good enough, “Do you remember that old game? The one with all the weird shaped pieces and you have to get them all in the right spot before the buzzer goes off and pops the pieces everywhere?”

“Perfection,” Waverly nodded, “I remember.”

“It’s like that,” she continued, “All these pieces of me have their specific place where they should be, but the timer went off and shot them out in a hundred different directions. And I can do my best, but no matter what I try, I can’t get them right before it goes off again. There’s just chunks of me spread out everywhere and the spaces stay hollow.”

She shook her head.

“Sorry, that’s a pretty stupid analogy, huh?”

Waverly shook her head and spoke softly, “No, it…it sounds about right.”

Nicole looked at Wynonna again, saw the way she looked at her; then the way she turned her eyes to her Waverly. The longing that oozed from her gaze, desperate to interact with her little sister, gave Nicole a thought.

“What, um, what would you say to her if she could hear you?” she asked; causing Wynonna to jolt her eyes back to Nicole in surprise. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, facing Waverly. Right in front of her, but nowhere near her.

“Oh,” Waverly voiced, running her hand through her hair and chuckling awkwardly, “Well I would tell her how much I love her, of course.”

The easy answer came first, before she seemed to spark and continued elaborated.

“I would say what an amazing sister she always was, even when she drove me crazy or made fun of me and called me a nerd,” she laughed a bit, “That I forgive her…for the time she accidentally sat on Pikachu, my hamster.”

A watery laugh came from Wynonna, followed by a sniffle. Nicole slid her hand along the bed, resting it near her leg to discreetly touch her.

“She did that?”

“Yeah,” Waverly nodded with a laugh, causing Nicole to respond with her own, “Poor thing never saw it coming.”

Waverly’s eyes burned, feeling herself become more serious.

“I would thank her for every time she took the blame with dad, so he wouldn’t be mad at me. And when she couldn’t do that, she did something stupid to make him focus on her instead. I always told her she didn’t have to, but she always did, even when it h-hurt her.”

She took a breath, her voice breaking on her next words.

“That she was never a screw up, no matter what other people said. She was strong and smart and funny and _amazing._ Even on her worst day,” she continued, “and I _miss_ her. Every single day. I miss her so much.”

She dropped her head into her hand and cried freely. Wynonna in front of her with matching tears, moved towards her; lifting her hands as if to embrace her before remembering and dropping them uselessly. A sob escaped her as she wrapped her arms around herself instead.

“Nicole,” she said, her struggling voice choked up with emotion.

Hearing the meaning in the word Nicole sat up at the same time Wynonna moved out of the way. She cautiously put her hand on Waverly’s back to start, letting her decide if she would accept the offer or not.

Waverly almost instantly turned towards her, allowing Nicole to pull her in and wrap her up in her arms. After a moment, Waverly returned it; circling her own arms around Nicole and holding on to the comfort for dear life as she soaked her hospital gown with tears.

Nicole rested her head atop Waverly’s, her own tears falling to disappear in her hair. Her eyes, one marred with the red splotch across the sclera, found Wynonna. Her eyes reddened for a different reason as she looked at the two of them.

“Thank you,” she mouthed to Nicole, then tightened her hold on herself and closed her eyes, pretending the as she held herself, and Nicole held her sister, that the two were the same, “I love you Baby Girl.”

X

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	14. Trees Blurring Into Nothing, and I Am Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is ok.
> 
> #E4L

_Nicole blinked as she felt warm wetness drip over her eye. She swiped at it clumsily and looked around searching for Wynonna._

_“Wynonna,” she tried again, groaning as her stomach rolled again._

_She pressed her hand onto the ground to push herself up, barely feeling the shards of glass digging into the skin as she did so. At that point she was no longer able to differentiate one pain from another. She briefly got to her feet before stumbling back down almost immediately._

_“Come on,” she cried to herself, pounding her hand against the asphalt, “Come on!”_

_Swallowing the taste of bile once more, she used the car as leverage and managed to get up once again even as her legs continued to wobble beneath her. She continued to brace herself against the truck and awkwardly shuffled her feet until she made her way around to the front of the vehicle. She could make out the bent, twisted metal of the hood and bumper, one of the headlights still shining somehow. The sturdy tree appearing unbothered by the impact save for some damaged bark where the car had collided before bouncing back a couple feet._

_The world continued to spin while Nicole did her best to remain standing._

_“W’nonna,” she called again, pressing a hand back to her bloody head, “Where ‘r you?”_

_Her words slurring, she tried to shake her head and instantly regretted doing so._

_“Say somethin’…please. You ok?” she continued speaking to the night around her, “I-ungh…think m’hurt.”_

_She bent over, hands clasping desperately to the remains of the car to keep from falling again. Her voice turning into a cracked whine._

_“Wy, please.”_

_“Nic…”_

_She raised her head, unsure if she’d actually heard anything or imagined it somewhere in her throbbing skull._

_“‘cole.”_

_Squinting into the shadows of the tree line, her knees buckled, and she gasped out._

_“Wynonna!”_

* * *

_X_

* * *

“No, Randy, I don’t _have_ a picture of him,” Gus groaned into the phone as she drove and sighed loudly, “Because he’s not my dog. I’ve only known he existed a couple weeks. Why would I have a picture?”

She paused, listening to the man currently driving through neighborhoods in town to search while she went to the homestead to type up some fliers.

“It’s a German Shepherd, Randy! It looks like a German Shepherd: brown, black, and big.”

Turning onto the road for the final stretch to the house, it took all her strength not to suddenly bang her head on the steering wheel in frustration.

“Yeah, he’s got a collar. Blue. Or maybe green,” she answered, trying to remember as she pulled into the graveled driveway, “Pretty sure it’s blue.”

As soon as she stepped out of the car, more impatient words on her tongue, she froze at the sound that reached her. A bark?

A bark!

She looked to the house and saw Dozer standing on the porch staring at her.

“Holy hell,” she breathed out and hollered loudly, “Dozer! Boy get your furry ass over here.”

The dog ran towards her, instantly bombarding her with a mixture of barks and whines as he wound around and between her legs. Not stopping for a second, she assumed the animal was too overwhelmed by worry for his still absent owner to do so.

She ran her hands over whatever part of him she could reach as he continued moving and let out a relieved sigh before standing up straight and speaking into the phone once more.

“It’s a blue collar,” she said definitively, “You can stand down, Randy. Yeah, thanks anyway.”

She hung up and looked back down at Dozer. Shaking her head, she squatted down to his level and ran her hands over his head. Holding it so she could look in his eyes.

“ _You_ are a troublemaker,” she said sternly before her voice softened and she started scratching her fingers through his fur, “Guess Nicole has a type.”

* * *

X

* * *

After finally being able to call Waverly and let the girls know everything was fine, keeping the more exciting parts of the trip a secret, Gus let Dozer in the house. She set him up with water and a bowl of food that she’d taken to keeping at the homestead for when he came with Nicole and then set off back to the hospital.

She paused in the corridor just outside Nicole’s room and took a breath; knowing it was time for an unpleasant conversation.

“Curtis,” she breathed quietly, “Wynonna, one of you, give me strength here.”

She knocked twice before entering the room, finding Dr. Pressman in the room with the girls as well.

“What’s the word?” she asked and looked at Nicole, “Will ya live?”

“All signs point to yes,” Dr. Pressman assured with a smile and nodded to Nicole, “I’ll be back in a little while and we’ll see about how quickly we can send you home. Ok?”

Nicole nodded with a quiet thank you and the doctor left them to it. When she did, Nicole looked to Gus with those heavy brown eyes of hers.

“Did Dozer give you any trouble? Or…anyone else?”

Gus crossed her arms, hearing the real question in the words and gave her a small grin.

“Nothing to report,” she fibbed, “He’s probably already torn up that old couch of ours.”

Nicole let out a breath and settled back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling as she let relief settle over her.

“Good.”

“Yep,” she glanced between the two girls, “Did I miss anything important?”

Waverly looked at Nicole briefly before shaking her head, “Just talking. Passing time.”

“All right. Well,” she said, pulling the rolling stool to the bedside across from Waverly, she settled onto it and looked at Nicole, “I believe we have some things to talk about.”

Nicole sat up a bit more and swallowed nervously, feeling Wynonna’s hand slide into hers. Laying on the bed beside her, she leaned in and spoke gently into her ear.

“It’s ok,” she promised, “You can do this.”

Nicole only nodded, letting her eyes go from Waverly to Gus, nervously wondering exactly what was about to be said and asked.

“What do you want to know?”

Gus sighed and glanced to her niece, “Waverly, can you give us a few minutes?”

Waverly’s spine shot up straight, her surprise quickly giving way to offense. She clearly wanted to be there for the conversation and Nicole almost told her she could stay. She had no doubt she would eventually answer Waverly’s questions, too. But she preferred to do it when she felt they were on more equal footing. So, when Waverly looked to her, she could only off an apologetic look to portray she agreed with Gus.

“Waverly,” Gus said again, “Please, honey.”

Waverly looked between her aunt and Nicole, mouth half-open as if to argue her case, before thinking better of it.

“I’ll be outside,” she said tightly and left the room.

Gus waited until the door closed to look back at Nicole.

“Ok,” she said leaning forward with her elbows braced on her aging knees, “Let’s start with, when did your mother come back?”

Nicole’s eyes moved down to her hand, seeing the way Wynonna’s thumb was gently moving back and forth over her skin and thinking about how empty it looked to Gus.

“Last night,” she mumbled absently, “She was there when I got home from work.”

Gus nodded slowly, “And…she did this to you, didn’t she?”

Swallowing hard, she nodded; feeling Wynonna squeeze her hand in response.

“Yeah,” she whispered and heard the woman take a slow, controlled breath, causing her to lift her gaze back to her.

“Thought so,” she managed through a tight jaw, “What happened sweetheart?”

“I mouthed off,” she said, sounding too much to Gus like she was taking the blame, “She was upset about the fridge, that there wasn’t more in it; that Dozer was barking at her. I talked back and she didn’t like that either.”

“And?”

Nicole licked her dry lips, remembering the event in snippets but enough to know what happened, “There was a bottle. A beer she was drinking. She, uh, she swung it at me.”

Gus ran a hand over her tight face, doing her best not to react and scare Nicole from talking.

“It’s not the first time, is it?”

Nicole felt a rush of breath whoosh out of her as she heard the question.

“You knew?”

Gus’ mouth turned up in a small, sad smile.

“I suspected,” she answered truthfully, “How long?”

“Uh, after my dad left,” her voice went up at the end as if it were a question, “That’s when she started to…you know. Her temper got shorter. She hated being home. Being around me. Guess that’s something her and dad had in common.”

“How old were you?”

“Eight,” she said, barely audible. But it might as well have been shouted for the way Gus reacted.

“Eight?” she asked, her tone louder than before. She shook her head and ran her hand roughly over her face. Working hard to keep her composure with a deep breath for Nicole’s sake, she focused.

“Did you ever tell a teacher or counselor?”

Nicole shook her head, eyes slipping down again in shame.

“I know I should have- “

“Hey now,” Gus interrupted, “We’re not doing that, hear? We’re not having you blame yourself or playing could’a should’a.”

Wynonna’s head dropped onto her shoulder, the hand not tangled with Nicole’s started running up and down her arm; nails scratching lightly against the skin there. It reminded her that, though it wasn’t a teacher or anyone in a position of power, there was one person she told. Granted, it was because she had found her after a bad night and had been so caring and loving and protective; so fired up for justice and revenge on Nicole’s behalf she couldn’t help but open up to her.

Strangely, the thing she had been trying to hide from her new girlfriend for fear of it scaring her off had been a catalyst for bringing them even closer.

“I’m sorry Nicole, but there’s something else we need to talk about, “I don’t want to pry, Lord knows I’ve already dredged up a lot here, but when we came by, the house was looking pretty empty.”

Nicole felt her heart start thumping anxiously. She could imagine how she must have paled in front of Gus as her mouth went bone dry and pressure built up in her chest.

“And you said the fridge was empty,” she carefully continued, “Honey, I gotta ask; what’s going on there? Are there money problems?”

The pressure in her chest suddenly burst forward in a hard sob. She dropped her face into her hand and felt the hot tears start to fall. From exhaustion. Shame. Anxiety. Fear. Maybe even in relief that someone finally knew.

“She…She was gone for months,” she said, her voice quivering as the words fell from her lips, “She didn’t answer my calls and- “she took unsteady breaths, “And she didn’t pay anything before she left, and the bills started coming and the power was cut off a few months ago. I was working as many hours as I could, but it wasn’t enough.”

She swiped angrily at the tears on her face even as more continued to take their place.

“There was always something else; something else that was threatening to cancel or cut off or add late fees. I sold-sold whatever I could. Cut back anything I could live without and…”

Gus’ arm shot out, placing her hand on Nicole’s shoulder, and squeezed it tightly.

“Breathe, honey. Breathe,” she waited until Nicole wasn’t on the edge of hyperventilating to gently continue, “Your car isn’t in the shop is it?”

Nicole let out a humorless chuckle and sniffled, “I thought you’d figure that out a while ago.”

“I was suspicious,” she smiled a bit, “I mean, what the hell would keep it so long?”

Nicole shrugged and cleared her throat, “Had to get the lights back on and the hospital collectors off my back for a minute.”

“Darlin’ you know that should never have been your responsibility,” Gus assured, “Not for a second.”

Nodding, Nicole ran her hand through her hair and whispered, “I know. But I had to.”

Gus looked at her for a long moment, running her mind back over everything she’d learned. Nodding to herself, Gus inhaled deeply suddenly smacking her palms to her thighs and standing up.

“Right, looks like we’ve got some arrangements to make, then.”

Nicole squinted at the woman and wondered the meaning of her sudden statement.

“What arrangements?”

“Wait for it,” Wynonna said, pointing at her aunt as a grin began to crack her face.

Gus looked at Nicole as if it were obvious.

“To move you in,” she said plainly.

“What? Gus, you don’t- “

“Listen to me,” she demanded, “You ain’t going back to that house, and you sure as hell ain’t going back to that woman.”

Wynonna’s pointed finger curled into a fist and she pumped it once, smiling at Nicole.

“Boom.”

X

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	15. Say The Word, And I Might Have To Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is having a great Monday night and if you're not, peep the trailer for 4b!
> 
> Enjoy!

_Nicole tried to run to her._

_Stumbling to the ground soon after pushing away from the car, she ignored the pain and dizziness as much as possible and started crawling towards Wynonna. The form of her girlfriend laying in the dirt, silhouette visible in the cover of the night and the canopy of trees. Her hands clawed along as the ground changed from the hard asphalt to the dry dirt. Sticks stabbing into her as she forced herself to continue onward._

_“Wynonna,” she said in a panicking breath when she finally reached her, “Wynonna, baby?”_

_Her hands hovered over her for a moment, unable to tell if there was any injury through the shadows and the blood constantly dripping into her own eye. She could see her body jerk as she coughed and carefully placed her shaking hands on her head, blindly brushing hair away from her face._

_“Baby are you…what hurts?” she asked, “You’re hurt? Talk to me, please.”_

_“D’ya see…see that deer?” she breathed out awkwardly, “Bitch came out of no-nowhere.”_

_“Deer?” Nicole asked, looking back to the road momentarily, “That what happened?”_

_“Mm,” she hummed, her arm twitching as she meant to lift it, “Come…Come ‘ere.”_

_Nicole dragged her body on the dirt to bring herself closer._

_“I’m here, I’m right here,” she promised, stroking her forehead, and taking a deep breath, “Where’s it hurt? Where?”_

_Wynonna didn’t answer right away. A few heartbeats of silence, broken only by the white noise of the wooded land around them and the airy wheezing coming from Wynonna._

_“You ok?” she asked Nicole instead._

_“I’m…think I hit my head, but you- “_

_“C’mere,” she requested again._

_“I’m…” Nicole almost told her she was as close as possible but decided against it. Looking down at herself, she pulled herself closer until her knees were pressing against Wynonna’s arm and she was looking down over her head, “Better?”_

_“Closer,” Wynonna coughed, “C’you…hold-hold me. Lemme know you’re …all right.”_

_“I don’t think I should,” Nicole warned, “I don’t want to make anything worse.”_

_“I’m fine, just…” she coughed again, “Please.”_

_“Ok, ok. Um,” she adjusted herself accordingly, carefully as possible, settling Wynonna’s head in her lap, “Is this ok? Are you…”_

_“I’m ok,” she closed her eyes; that wheezing sound continuing, “I’m ok.”_

_Nicole ran her fingers through her hair, listening to the awkward sounds of her breathing. She looked around them, the full weight of their situation hitting her hard._

_“We need,” she paused, trying to clear the encroaching fog in her head, “We need help. Phone!” she said suddenly, “God I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I think…”_

_She rummaged along her jacket, trying not to disrupt Wynonna as she dug out her phone._

_“I got it,” she declared, “I got it. I’ll call for help. It’s gonna be ok.”_

_She opened the phone and instantly clenched her eyes shut against the brightness that sent fresh spikes through her skull._

_“Fuck,” she grimaced, reaching down for Wynonna’s hand._

_Her fingertips found her wrist laying at her side and she followed it to grab her hand. As she moved to take it, she felt something scrape against the back of her own and tear the skin._

_“What…”_

_She opened her eyes and turned her phone to cast the light on the area, hoping to remove a particularly jagged stick away and keep her girlfriend as comfortable as possible._

_“Oh-Oh my God,” she breathed, her aching eyes falling on the large shard of glass, jagged and sharp, imbedded deep in Wynonna’s side. Dark blood painted it along the entry point where it disappeared through her clothes._

_“Wynonna!” she gasped, “Wynonna, why didn’t you tell me? God.”_

_“I’m ok,” her breathy voice said again._

_“I’m calling,” she said, turning the phone and squinting at the blurred screen before dialing 911, “I’m calling.”_

_“I’m ok,” she repeated again, “I’m ok.”_

_“Shh, Shh, I got you,” she swore, trying to focus her spinning head once the operator came on the line, “I need an-an ambulance. There was an accident. My girl-girlfriend, she’s hurt bad. Please.”_

_“I’m ok.”_

_“Please, hurry!” she cried, still stroking Wynonna’s head._

_“I’m ok.”_

_“Uh…a few…ungh…a few miles on route,” she halted, squeezing her eyes against the growing disorientation, “10. Route-Route 10.”_

_“M’ok.”_

_“Please hurry, we need…” she swallowed, planting her hand on the ground as she felt herself starting to sway, “I-I need…”_

_Her words became barely audible. Her eyes started to roll a moment before she felt her elbow buckle causing her to fall back. The phone lost to the dirt; her arms splayed out as she fell limply to the earth._

_“I need her,” her lips mumbled before she could no longer hold on to consciousness._

_Wynonna’s head was still on her thigh. She blinked slowly, looking up at the trees around her. Quick, hitching breaths stuttered out past her parted lips._

_“Whenever…you nee-need me…”_

* * *

X

* * *

“This is not a good idea,” Nicole stated in the small bathroom. Making sure to turn the water on so her low words wouldn’t be heard in the connected hospital room she was finally about to leave. The room where Waverly was sitting and waiting for her to get dressed.

“What are you talking about?” Wynonna asked, perched on top of the toilet tank, “It’s a great idea.”

“No, it’s not,” she hissed, “What am I supposed to do? Just live with your family? Stay in your room?”

“As opposed to staying in that house? With your bitch of a mom treating you like shit when she’s around and leaving you holding the bag when she’s not? Come on, Punk. I think the choice is pretty obvious here.”

“And what about us?” Nicole asked.

“Nicole. You know I’m not going to be any deader because you’re in my house,” she teased, “I’ll still be there. You know that.”

“No, I mean…” she shook her head and rested her hands on her hips, “I can’t _talk_ to you around them. Not really. I’m going to have to pretend you aren’t there.”

A soft knock came from the door before Waverly’s voice followed.

“Nicole? You all right?”

“Fine,” she called back, turning off the faucet, “Be out in a second.”

She turned back to Wynonna and whispered, “What am I going to do?”

Wynonna hopped down and moved to stand in front of Nicole. Running her hands down her chest and settling them on her waist, she quirked her lips into a small smirk.

“You’re gonna do what’s best for you,” she told her, “and we’ll figure the rest out. Ok?”

“Ok,” she said quietly.

“Good,” she pecked her lips to Nicole’s and then pat her chest twice, “Now get out there before they decide to bust in for another rescue.”

Exiting the bathroom back in real clothes, she found Waverly waiting for her near the door.

“Everything ok?” she asked tentatively, “You were in there a while.”

“Yeah, just a little sore,” Nicole excused, “Moving slow, you know?”

“Of course.”

She saw how Waverly absently tugged on her fingers. The awkward was she was holding herself in the space. Watching her body language for a minute, she realized she was most likely not the only one with reservations about the new arrangement Gus was laying out before them. Waverly clearly had an opinion about it as well, and she would bet it wasn’t a positive one.

“Ready?” Waverly asked, “I’m sure Dozer is driving Gus mad waiting for you.”

“Ready,” she grabbed the printout Dr. Pressman had given her for aftercare and started for the door.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Nicole turned back to Waverly.

“Uh,” she looked down at herself and then to Wynonna, who only shrugged and shook her head, matching Nicole’s confusion.

“Am I?”

Waverly smirked and grabbed the black case off the table and held it out for her with an amused shake of her head.

“I know they’re new, but it’s kind of important to remember them.”

“Oh, right,” Nicole chuckled awkwardly and accepted it, “Thanks.”

“Aren’t you going to put them on?” Waverly asked at the same time Wynonna said, “Put ‘em on.”

Nicole glanced between them, feeling self-conscious about doing so.

“You know they don’t work if they’re not on your face,” Wynonna encouraged.

“Right,” she cleared her throat and opened the case.

Dipping her head, she unfolded the dark framed glasses and slowly slid them on her face.

“How, uh, how do I look?” she asked, going for playful but unable to keep the insecurity from her voice.

“Like a nerd,” Wynonna teased jokingly, nudging Nicole’s shoulder.

“You look great,” Waverly said with a small smile, “Beautiful.”

“Well, yeah,” Wynonna added, “A beautiful nerd.”

“Thanks,” Nicole said quietly, feeling an unexpected heat in her cheeks at the compliment, “Um, we should go?”

They left the hospital and got in Waverly’s jeep and took off to the homestead. Nicole kept fiddling with the glasses, _her_ glasses, trying to get used to them. They felt odd on her face, but she had to admit it was nice to see everything with clarity again. She must’ve been playing with them more noticeably than she thought because Waverly spoke up.

“How is it?” Waverly asked, “Vision all nice and clear again?”

“Crystal,” Nicole answered while looking out the window.

After a few minutes Waverly spoke again.

“Nicole, there’s something I need to tell you. Especially with everything going on now.”

Nicole sighed and brought her focus back into the car.

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Look, Waverly, I know Gus thinks this is a good move,” she started, “But I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or unhappy in your own house, ok? I’ll tell Gus thanks, but no thanks. I’ve survived this long, it’ll be fine.”

“Barely,” Waverly said before she could help herself.

“What does that mean?”

“It means…It means I know exactly how well you were ‘surviving,’ Nicole,” she elaborated, “When I was at your house the other day, while you were in the shower, I found your notebook; the one with all the bills and budgets. That’s what I wanted to tell you. I- “

“You went through my stuff?” Nicole asked, shocked at the intrusion, and embarrassed that Waverly had known about her money problems for a while already.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Right,” Nicole shook her head, “You accidentally opened the drawer and dug around until you found it, and then you _accidentally_ read it.”

“Easy, Punk,” Wynonna said cautioned.

“I’m sorry, ok?” she apologized, “I shouldn’t have snooped, but I did and I’m sorry. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“It’s ok,” Wynonna said with a nod, “Right, Nicole? No harm, no foul.”

Nicole shook her head as a thought came to her.

“Wait, is that why you insisted on taking me to lunch that day?” she asked, hearing Wynonna sigh behind her, “’Cause you… _felt sorry_ for me?”

“Nicole…” Wynonna said again, laying her hand on her shoulder.

Waverly turned sharply into the driveway and hit the brakes hard. Jolting as the jeep stopped then turned to face Nicole.

“You know what? Yes,” she snapped sharply, “Shoot me, yes. I felt sorry for you. For-For what you were dealing with on your own. God, is that so bad? Is it bad that I wanted to do something for you?”

“No,” Wynonna said as if answering her sister, still trying to encourage Nicole to ease off the argument.

“But you didn’t do it for me,” Nicole argued, ignoring Wynonna, “You did it for you. So, _you_ could feel good about yourself. Congratulations, nicest person in Purgatory you win.”

She opened door roughly, slamming it shut behind her and heading towards the homestead. Before she could get far, Wynonna was in front of her, holding her hands up to stop Nicole.

“Nicole, just take a second to calm down.”

Her jaw tightened as her feet halted in place.

“Nicole!” Waverly’s shout was instantly followed by the slam of her own door. She marched after her, grabbing her elbow and turning her around, “That is _not_ fair. I told you I’m sorry for going through your stuff, I am. But I’m not sorry for trying to _do_ something nice. I’m not some kind of villain for trying to help _somehow_.”

“Well, I didn’t ask for help, did I?”

“Right, God forbid you put your stupid pride aside and ask for help from anyone!” she groaned, “God! It’s like dealing with Wynonna all over again. No wonder you guys got along so well.”

“Hey!” Nicole shouted, “You don’t know me. You don’t know me, and you don’t know _anything_ about me and Wynonna. So, don’t stand there high and mighty acting like you do.”

“Ok, you both need to step back and calm down now,” Wynonna said, moving to stand between them, “Come on, Nicole. She didn’t mean anything.”

“I did know Wynonna. Sorry to take the wind out of your sails, but the fact is I knew Wynonna longer and better than you did. You guys were together a year? She was my sister _my whole life_. I knew exactly how stubborn she could be, and you’re acting just like her. Refusing to see what might actually be good for you.”

Nicole took a step around Wynonna, not caring what Waverly thought of the action as she stepped closer to her.

“Yeah, you know what I know? I know the effect you guys could have on her,” she shot back, “I know how you guys were always on her case. I know the pressure she felt from you all, and how it made her feel.”

Waverly stepped closer as well and crossed her arms.

“We were only ‘on her case’ when we had to be because we loved her. We wanted the best for her and for her to want the best for herself, too,” she shouted back at her, “That’s what family does, Nicole. They give a damn, even when you don’t want them to. You’d know that if you actually had one!”

“Fuck,” Wynonna breathed out in surprise.

Nicole taking a step back from her sister as the words hit and hit hard. Sharp and piercing in her chest. Wynonna looked at her and then back to Waverly and stomped her boot against the ground, and said louder:

“Fuck, Baby Girl. Why?!”

Waverly blinked, realizing what she’d said. Her hand covered her mouth as she saw the struck look on Nicole’s face.

“God, Nicole, I…” she shook her head, “I’m so sorry.”

Impulsive and desperate for Nicole to know she hadn’t meant it, Waverly stepped forward and reached out for Nicole’s hand.

“I’m so sorry, that was- “her voice died when Nicole took another step back, pulling her arm out of the way of her possible touch.

“I-uh…” she cleared her clogged throat, her eyes suddenly finding the ground the most interesting thing around, and finishing lamely, “Dozer’s inside.

She turned away and walked into the house, ignoring Waverly’s attempts to get her to stop.

“Nicole, wait, I’m sorry,” she tried as the girl disappeared into the house.

She moved to follow, stopping almost immediately when she felt a hard chill hit her spine. She shivered once, looking around curious of the sudden feeling. Finding nothing suspicious that would cause the feeling, she chalked it up to a weird manifestation of guilt. She attempted to shake it off and hurried inside to find Nicole and beg for forgiveness.

X

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X

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X

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X


	16. We Don't Know Much, We're Making Up The Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's way past my bedtime and my alarm goes off at 5:30am. You see how much I love you guys :)

_Nicole was bending over the bike rack, working the combination into her lock when she heard a voice louder than the rest around her._

_“Hey!”_

_Even though the property was crawling with students finally released by the bell, Nicole still looked up as if it were meant for her. She squinted a bit in the rays of the afternoon sun and saw the girl, Wynonna, coming her way with a big grin on her face._

_“Thought that was you,” she greeted as she came to a stop in front of the rack, “Nicole the punk.”_

_“Wynonna the blame thief,” Nicole said as she smiled, straightening her back to stand completely, “You didn’t get in much trouble, did you?”_

_“Eh,” Wynonna shrugged, “The old princi_ pal _and I have a special bond.”_

_“I’m sure,” she chuckled, “Thanks for doing that, by the way. You really didn’t have to.”_

_“Just think of it as a ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ gift,” she answered, “From me to you.”_

_“Still, I owe you one,” Nicole told her anyway, “Last thing I need is to have the school call my mom about it.”_

_“She a hardass?”_

_“Something like that,” Nicole said after a second._

_“I know the feeling,” Wynonna nodded, looking around for a second, “So how do you plan to repay me, then?”_

_“What’s that?”_

_“Well, you said you owe me one, right?” she repeated._

_Nicole licked her lips unconsciously, “What did you have in mind?”_

_Wynonna tilted her head, looking at her with something in her eyes. Something too fierce to simply be called a spark. Whatever it was, it was intense enough to send a vibration through her chest. Her eyes traced the features of Wynonna’s face, travelling over the smooth curves and hard edges before settling on her lips._

_“I could definitely think of something,” she said with a quirk of her eyebrow, still holding those eyes on Nicole. She took a step closer and Nicole’s breath hitched silently, “But first I have something for you.”_

_“Do you?” Nicole asked, feeling her own body start to lean into the space between them, eyes falling to her mouth once again._

_“Yep,” she said quietly, leaning in as well._

_Nicole’s eyes started to close, quickly shooting open again and pulling back when something brightly colored suddenly appearing in front of her face. She blinked in surprise, recognizing her notebook._

_“Look familiar?” Wynonna asked with a grin, holding up the book._

_“Oh,” Nicole laughed, feeling a bit silly, “Thanks, kind of need that.”_

_Wynonna gave it over with a flourish before nodding to the bicycle._

_“Is that your ride?”_

_“Yeah, my car wouldn’t start this morning. Didn’t have time to figure out why, so I’m rocking the two wheels today.”_

_“How about I drive you home?” she suggested, her eyes drifting down before coming back up, “Give those muscles a break.”_

_“Oh, you don’t have to.”_

_“Come on,” she encouraged, “You can throw your bike in the truck. I’ll give you the premier Purgatory tour.”_

_“You sure?” she asked, resting her hand on the strap of her bag draped on her shoulder._

_“Completely.”_

_Nicole considered it a moment before lifting the corner of her mouth and shrugging, “Why the hell not?”_

_“I knew I liked you, Punk,” Wynonna clapped her hands once and threw her arm up across Nicole’s shoulders; guiding her to start walking, “You are going to love Eleanor.”_

_“Eleanor?”_

* * *

_X_

* * *

Nicole sat in the grass, her arms resting on her bent knees, a cigarette hanging between her fingers. She watched Dozer sprint across the property after the branch she’d thrown.

“You know,” Wynonna started from where she was sitting beside her, “I’m digging this look on you.”

She tapped the side of her glasses to emphasize her point. Nicole clicked her tongue and pulled her head away from the touch, taking a drag without a word. Wynonna sighed and looked out across the grass as well.

“Look, I know you gotta do the quiet, brooding thing when you’re upset,” she said, “but you’ve been quiet and broody for almost an hour. Maybe it’s time we get to the talk it out part.”

Nicole took another pull from the cigarette and blew it out slowly as Dozer returned with the stick proudly in his mouth. Keeping the cigarette between her lips, she worked the branch from his teeth. She held it up for him to see, watching his tail wag in anticipation, before pulling back and heaving it as hard as she could sending him barking and running happily after it again.

“Nicole,” Wynonna tried again.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Nicole finally broke her silence, “It’s not like she was wrong, right?”

“Well, not being wrong doesn’t mean she’s _right_ , either” she said, “She shouldn’t have said that. It was way low, and if I could I’d-I’d sit on her and pour pickle juice down her throat.”

Nicole felt her lips pull into a small smile, amused by the visual. She shook her head after a moment and watched Dozer trotting back with a happy, though slower, prance. A stick that was most definitely bigger than the one she’d been throwing forcing him to slow his return a bit.

“You really think me staying here is still a good idea?” she asked, “Like Waverly said, what _do_ I know about how families work? And I’m supposed to plop myself in the middle of yours?”

“You’re not _plopping_ ,” she countered, “You were invited. Gus wants you here and believe it or not, I know at least part of Waverly does too.”

“Yeah, the part that feels sorry for me,” she mumbled before taking another puff.

Wynonna ran her hand up and down Nicole’s back. Dozer finally made it up to them, dropping the large branch in front of her feet and stepped back, looking proud and awaiting praise for his find. Nicole made sure to give him a big smile and scratched her fingers behind his ear, watching his tongue fall out of the side of his mouth as he basked in it.

“Good job, buddy.”

He gave a quiet boof before stepping between her legs and crawling up against her chest. Forcing his head under her chin, he rested his weight against her, causing her to chuckle. Holding the cigarette out to the side, safely away from him, she wrapped her other arm around his body, patting his heavy torso several times.

“I missed you, too,” she dipped her head to speak quietly into his ear as he snuggled against her.

Look, Waverly can be an idiot, ok? But she’s the sweetest, smartest idiot there is,” Wynonna explained, “She really means well, she just doesn’t always do it the right way.”

Nicole continued to run her hand over his head absently as she wondered out loud, “How did we get here?”

“Don’t ask me,” Wynonna scoffed, “I literally don’t know how I’m here. Like _at all_.”

“Fair,” she nodded.

Wynonna looked at her, tilting her head as her eyes softened, “Hey.”

“Hm?” Nicole hummed, turning to look at her as well.

“You ever think about that night?”

Nicole turned to look out in front of them again. A heavy sigh falling from her after a moment, “You know I do.”

She looked down at Dozer, seeing he had fallen asleep on top of her, and took a breath.

“I think about it all the time,” she confessed for the first time, “About how different things would be if I’d listened to you. If I had said yes.”

Wynonna hummed and rested her head on Nicole’s shoulder, “You know you shouldn’t think like that. That’s not why I ask.”

“Then why do you ask?”

“Nicole!” Gus’ voice came from behind her, causing her to turn back and see the woman at the backdoor of the house, “Dinner’s ready. Come on in.”

Nicole nodded, patting Dozer a couple times to wake him before nudging him off. She snuffed the last few embers of her cigarette and pocketed the butt before standing up.

“Think she’ll buy I’m not hungry?” she asked as they started towards the house.

“You have _met_ Gus, haven’t you?”

* * *

X

* * *

Gus turned from the door and back to the table where Waverly was putting out plates. She wasn’t sure what happened between the two of them, but Nicole had come in the house and without a word to her, had just hugged her dog and then taken him straight out the back with her. Waverly had tried to follow, bursting in the house like a bat out of hell before Gus stepped in her way and demanded an explanation.

Of course, she received none and had ended up with a tense, quiet house. Her goal to spend the afternoon sitting with everyone and working out details fell to the wayside. Nicole entered quietly, making her way to the trash can to throw the cigarette butt away, Dozer’s nails clicking against the floor beside her.

He sniffed the air and made a beeline for the table, making a move for the small roast sitting on top of it, clearly not blinking at the roasted vegetables waiting specifically for Waverly. Anticipating the possibility, Nicole was able to grab his collar and keep from succeeding and ruining Gus’ dinner preparation.

“No, you don’t,” she admonished, guiding him to his food bowl instead, “That’s people dinner, this is Dozer dinner. Ok?”

He let out a huff and looked up at her, as if questioning if she was serious. Nicole only nodded at the bowl and he accepted his fate. Once she was sure he was focused on his own food, she looked apologetically at Gus.

“Sorry,” she said, approaching the table, “You know how excited he can get.”

“Oh honey, I’ve lived with animals my whole life,” she dismissed, “Literally _and_ figuratively. I know how they are.”

Nicole nodded and sat down. Upon noticing she was directly across from Waverly; she dropped her eyes to her plate instead.

Dinner started and carried on quietly, Gus’ eyes going between the two girls who seemed equally committed to not looking at each other. Eventually, she had enough and dropped her fork loudly against her plate, startling both of them to attention.

“Well,” she looked at the both of them, “Not that this hasn’t been fun, but I think it’s time to talk about what’s on everyone mind, hm? And I’d bet money I know what it is. So, let’s get to it, shall we?”

She waited for a response from either of them, but again got only silence.

“Ok then, I’ll start,” she declared, looking first to the redhead, “Nicole, do you have anything you want to say? Any reservations about staying here?”

Feeling on the spot, Nicole glanced to Wynonna sitting in her regular seat. She knew she couldn’t tell them her worries where she was concerned, so she focused on the other one instead.

“I don’t want to put anyone out,” she said, “This is your home. I don’t want to…disrupt it.”

Gus nodded, acknowledging the answer before clicking her tongue.

“Ok,” she folded her hands under her chin, “Now you know how much I like you, but if that ain’t the most boneheaded thing I ever heard you say.”

“Ha!” Wynonna laughed loudly, then looked at Nicole, “Bonehead.”

Nicole shook her head and focused on Gus.

“I made the offer, Nicole,” she reminded her, “Will it be an adjustment, yes. But a disruption? Hell no. I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it was the best option.”

She then turned to her niece and gestured with her hand to take her turn, “Waverly, do _you_ have anything you’d like to say?”

Waverly’s mouth opened, no words coming out at first. She looked at Nicole for half a second before answering her aunt.

“It’ll take some getting used to, but…but I think it’s best for…” she glanced at Nicole again before finishing, “for everyone. All of us. We could all, um, help each other.”

“I told you,” Wynonna said, pointing at her sister with a wink, “Smart.”

“Well, there we go,” Gus nodded and looked back to Nicole again, “Now, if you don’t _want_ to do this, that’s another story. And if you just don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine. There’ll be no hard feelings and our arrangements for the truck and the fence will still be the same, ok?”

She waited for Nicole to nod before going on.

“But, Nicole, if that’s all it is, I can’t in good conscience let you go back to that woman. We can figure something else out together if that’s the case. Hell, there’s an old apartment above Shorty’s that’s being used for storage. Needs a good cleaning, but you’d be welcomed to it if you prefer to be alone. Just tell me straight, honey.”

“I…” Nicole swallowed, thinking over the options before her. What _did_ she want?

She knew what she didn’t want. She didn’t want to worry which version of her mom she’d have to deal with from one day to the next if she was even around. She didn’t want to stress over bills that shouldn’t be her responsibility to begin with. She didn’t want to go to bed hungry.

“I want to…accept your offer,” she said finally.

“Are you sure?” Gus asked, “Don’t say it to protect anyone’s feelings here.”

“No, I-I mean it,” she assured, looking nervously at the woman, “I guess I just have trouble with…putting my stupid pride aside and asking for help.”

Waverly’s ears perked and her eyes lifted towards Nicole when she heard her own words echoed in Nicole’s voice. Their eyes met and Waverly was struck by the vulnerability in them she wasn’t prepared for. She hoped her own were showing how sorry she truly was for what she’d said and how much she meant what she told Gus. She did think it was for the best.

Maybe this way they could have a chance to actually say more than two sentences without somehow ending up in a fight. Maybe they could work on the whole being friends thing she had suggested. Maybe she could actually know the person that her sister had been so wild about. She could see what it was about her that caused Wynonna to break her own unwritten rule and commit so steadfastly to her.

“Well then,” Gus said, causing Waverly to jump and realize she’d been staring at her, “Now that that’s out of the way; let’s get some details settled, hm?”

* * *

X

* * *

Nicole stood outside the closed door, her hands flexing nervously at her sides. Wynonna’s hands settled on her shoulders and started rubbing the tense muscles, as if she were a coach and Nicole, a fighter about to step up to a match.

“You can do this,” she encouraged.

Nicole gave her a jerky nod.

“Good,” she said, stopping the ministrations and slapping her palms against Nicole’s back, “Now, get in there.”

“I will,” she whispered, nodding again, “I am.”

She took a deep breath and reached a clammy hand for the doorknob. Slowly, so slowly, she turned it and pushed it open, revealing the dark room to her. A sudden breath shuddered out of her chest, as the familiar scent of the room reached her nose in the doorway.

“Go in.”

“Just a minute,” she said breathlessly, not taking her eyes off the shadowed space before her, “I just need a minute.”

“Turn on the light at least,” she requested, “Please. I want to see.”

Nicole licked her lips and nodded, reaching around the doorjamb, not needing to look to know where the switch was. Light filled the room, illuminating everything inside and Nicole had to take a step back.

“Wow,” Wynonna breathed, stepping closer. She set her hands against the doorframe and leaned in, eyes travelling over it all, “It’s …exactly the same. It looks just like I left it.”

Nicole swallowed, blinking quickly as tears built up in her eyes. She continued stepping back until her hit the wall. She didn’t hear the footsteps approaching. Didn’t notice anyone was coming until she heard a voice.

“Nicole?” Waverly asked when she found Nicole on the floor, “Are you ok?”

Nicole heard her move to sit beside her, not sure when she’d sat down herself.

“Hey,” Waverly spoke again, carefully placing a hand on her arm, “What is it?”

Nicole swallowed a few times before she managed to find her words.

“It looks the same,” she said quietly, still not moving her eyes from the room in front of her, “It’s still…it’s the same.”

Waverly followed her gaze, wondering how she hadn’t let it register what the issue might be.

“Yeah, we…we haven’t changed much yet,” she said softly, “I’m sorry, I guess you were kind of blindsided, huh?”

“I don’t,” she looked down at her hands, wringing them together, “I don’t think I can go in there yet,” Nicole confessed, “Not tonight.”

“That’s ok,” she answered, scotting closer and running her hand over her shoulder, “That’s totally understandable. We should’ve known it would be hard for you. Hell, it’s hard for us. I think that’s why we haven’t touched it yet. Not really.”

Nicole ran her hand through her hair, fighting the urge to scratch at the still healing scar.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, tangling her fingers together again, “Don’t let me keep you. You can go to bed. I’ll be fine. Sleep on the couch or something.”

Waverly was quiet for a few moments, debating a thought within herself. On the edge of dismissing it as silly, she suddenly felt emboldened. Like…the way she would feel when Wynonna would pump her up and convince her to go along with a dumb idea.

Deciding to just go with it why the motivation was there and hope for the best, she bumped Nicole’s shoulder.

“I’ve got an idea,” she declared and stood up, “Come on.”

“Come on?” she asked, confused.

“Yeah,” she said and held her hand out to her, recognizing it was probably a stupid move too late. Forcing herself to follow through, she put a smile on her face and wiggled her fingers, “Come on.”

Nicole slid her eyes to the side for a moment, looking at nothing as she seemed to think about it. After a second she looked up at Waverly and shrugged.

“Why the hell not?”

She accepted Waverly’s hand. She used it to help pull herself up with more force than she intended, and certainly more than Waverly expected. She barely got her feet under her when Waverly pitched forward. Nicole’s hands automatically went up and caught her, stumbling back a bit to keep them both standing.

“Whoa,” Waverly voiced as she regained her balance.

“You good?” Nicole asked, looking down at the girl suddenly in her arms.

Waverly nodded, staring straight ahead where her hands ended up against Nicole’s chest. Her heart beating beneath her right hand. She spread her fingers a bit, tips close enough to the collar of her shirt to feel the heat of her skin.

“Yeah,” she answered verbally, clearing her throat, and pulling her hands away before finishing with an awkward smile, “Fit as a fiddle.”

Nicole, also realizing their position, dropped her arms and stepped back to put space between them before she made Waverly uncomfortable.

“So,” she started, “What’s this idea of yours?”

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	17. I Sift Through Each Phrase For An Ember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to start typing this earlier since I'm, yet again, up past my bed time. At least it's not AS late tonight, plus tomorrow's Friday! Thank God. I don't know about you guys, but I need this weekend in a big way!
> 
> Hope you guys like this one, it's not the most exciting but I really like it. (Although I'm pretty biased.)

_Waverly entered Shorty’s to meet Champ after cheerleading practice had ended. She found him immediately at their usual booth and walked over. She paused on his side long enough to greet him with a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat across the table._

_“Hey, babe,” he said, taking a drink of his soda._

_“You ordered already?” she asked, noting his half-eaten plate._

_“I was hungry,” he shrugged._

_“Were you waiting long?”_

_“Little bit,” he answered, “but at least there’s a good show to watch.”_

_“Huh?”_

_“Come over here,” he waved her to his side with a big grin, “You gotta check this out. It’s hilarious.”_

_Waverly did as he asked, moving to sit beside him. Settling against his side, as he wrapped his arm around her, his face bright with anticipation._

_She couldn’t help but smile herself. It seemed like they’d only been ‘putting up with each other’ for a while. It felt like a lifetime since they’d actually had real fun together. Seeing Champ smiling and playful had her feeling a lot like it was in the beginning._

_“What is it?”_

_“Right there,” he pointed to a table across the room._

_She followed his hand and saw Wynonna sitting with Nicole Haught; the new girl in school and newest Blue Devil shooting guard. She didn’t know much about her other than what she’d seen during games and practices while cheering. She didn’t realize she and Wynonna were friends._

_“I don’t get it,” she said, confused what he found so amusing about them, “You’re laughing because Wynonna’s here?”_

_“She’s here with the new girl,” he said with a laugh, “Look at them.”_

_Waverly looked again, trying again to find what was so funny about her sister and Nicole. They didn’t seem to be doing anything silly or ridiculous. Matter of fact it looked like they were getting along, sharing food and conversation._

_She couldn’t see the other girl’s face too well, but Wynonna was smiling and definitely having a good time. She held up a fry and said something through her smile until Nicole leaned forward and took it from her hold with her teeth making her sister laugh._

_Which, for some reason, made Champ laugh again as well._

_“You believe that?”_

_Waverly sighed, “I give up. What’s so funny?”_

_“Come on, babe,” he laughed, “It’s hilarious. You know, Jonas said she was a total rainbow, but I didn’t believe him. You never told me Wynonna was too.”_

_“Ugh, Jonas is a jerk. I don’t know why you hang out with him,” she pulled his arm off of her,” So what if she is, anyway? What does it matter?”_

_Champ didn’t respond to her, instead calling out across Shorty’s, “Ow! How ‘bout some public affection girls?”_

_“Champ!” Waverly gasped and looked at him as she shoved her elbow into his side, “What’s wrong with you?”_

_She looked back over their way. Wynonna said something and tilted her head towards the door before they both stood and started to leave._

_When they passed by their table, closer than necessary, Wynonna casually reached out and knocked over Champ’s glass. Soda splashing over the table and onto their laps as Wynonna put on an innocent face and shrugged._

_“Oops.”_

* * *

X

* * *

Nicole sat in the lawn chair, watching Waverly’s efforts in front of her.

“Are you sure you don’t want help?” she asked.

“Nope,” Waverly grunted as she dropped the load in her arms onto the pile, “I got it.”

“Yeah, Punk,” Wynonna nudged her, “She’s seen me do it a thousand times. It’s her turn. Let’s see if she learned anything from watching the master.”

“Ok,” Waverly clapped her hands and squatted down, “First the base. I think the cone is the best way to go.”

She maneuvered the wood into the method. Standing a number of thicker sticks up right on their ends and leaning them against each other. When she was sure they were sturdy enough not to fall over, she moved on.

“Then, a nice tinder nest beneath it,” she continued explaining her steps as she did them, “Now, small sticks and dry grass for kindling.”

Nicole felt herself smirk as Waverly recited everything step-by-step as if she’d looked up and memorized how to build a fire. She leaned back and took out her pack of cigarettes, tapping it once before lighting one and taking advantage of being in the open air after promising Gus she wouldn’t smoke in the house. One of the rules she agreed to obey while staying there. It would take some getting used to, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be upset or hold it against the woman.

It was her house, after all and she was nice enough to allow Nicole to stay. If she was being honest, it was kind of nice to have rules again, some actual structure, no matter how small.

“All right!” Waverly said happily, “Now we light it, and we are set.”

She wiped her hands on her pants and looked around.

“Uh…” she voiced, “Shoot. I guess I forgot to grab…”

She trailed off when her eyes fell to Nicole. Noticing that she was smoking when she hadn’t been before, she gave a small smile.

“Got a light?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“I forgot the lighter,” she explained with a small shrug and gestured to Nicole’s hand, “Do you mind?”

“Oh,” she dug back into her pocket and pulled her lighter back out, “Sure.”

She tossed it to Waverly who caught it in cupped hands. She looked at it a moment, turning it over and smirked.

“White, huh?” she asked, “A risk taker.”

Nicole chuckled a bit, removing the cigarette from her lips and blowing out a string of smoke, “You believe that stuff? The curse of the white lighter?”

“No,” Waverly laughed, returning to a squat and reaching beneath the wood structure to light the tinder.

She blew on it lightly to help it catch; waiting until it looked to be gaining ground before standing up and heading towards Nicole.

“I just think it’s interesting,” she said as she gave the lighter back to it’s owner and settled into the chair beside hers, pulling her legs up onto the chair and circling them with her arms, “How myths grow and become these big superstitions and beliefs. There’s actually a lot of them around smoking.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” she asked, as she brought the cigarette back to her lips, “Tell me one.”

“Like,” she stretched the word out as she thought a moment before speaking, “Do you know about ‘The Unlucky Third?”

Nicole shook her head and exhaled, “What’s that?”

“The belief that it’s unlucky to light three cigarettes on the same match,” she said, something in her perking up at the opportunity to explain, “It started- well supposedly started- in World War Two, from soldiers smoking in the trenches. The thought was the enemy would see the match light for the first one. The second would allow them time to take aim, and on the third, they would fire.”

“Hm,” Nicole hummed, tilting her head back and holding her cigarette above her head to look at the lit end against the unobscured dark sky, “Makes sense.”

“Mhmm,” Waverly nodded, “It spread through western culture and old movies, becoming more widely known. Since then, it’s considered bad luck to smoke in groups of three.”

“I’ll have to remember that” she said and nodded to the fire in front of them, “Looks like you knew what you were doing.”

“Thanks,” Waverly hugged her legs tighter and admired her handiwork, the small flames having grown into a full bonfire. She sighed wistfully, finding herself thinking back on memories of similar nights, “Wynonna and I spent so many nights doing this. Good days, bad days, it didn’t matter. We’d come out here, she’d get the fire going and we’d sit here and talk about whatever was on our minds.”

Nicole glanced over at Wynonna, sitting on the ground in front of her cross-legged in front of the fire; the light from the flames dancing over her face.

“I didn’t know that” she said softly.

“You know, it was one of those nights, a nice night like this,” she said, “She talked about you for the first time.”

“About me?”

“Yeah,” she laid her cheek on top of her knee and looked at Nicole, “It was when she told me how serious she was about you. That she wasn’t just playing around.”

“Really?” she asked quietly, her eyes going from Wynonna to Waverly.

“Really,” she said, “And one of the last nights we did one of these, she told me she loved you.”

“She did?” her voice barely audible.

“It was the first time she ever said that about someone else. Probably the first time she felt it. She was pretty nervous to tell you,” she said with a laugh, “I’d never seen her so worried about someone’s reaction.”

Nicole took a few moments, watching Wynonna as she digested the new information. She flicked the end of her cigarette towards the fire, tossing the embers away to feed the larger beast, and took a deep breath.

“You know, I love… _loved_ her too, right?” she asked finally looking back at Waverly, “I know you don’t think much of me, not really. But no matter what else you think about me or think you know about me; you have to know that’s true.”

Waverly sighed and turned back to the fire in front of them, speaking softly.

“I know.”

Silence settled after that, disturbed only by the cracks and pops of the burning wood. Nicole spent the time watching Wynonna. She was standing, holding her hand out towards the fire for a few seconds, like she was considering something before slowly inching the hand forward towards the flames. She pulled back at the last second before getting brave and plunging her hand into the flames.

She held it in a few seconds before removing it and laughing. Her eyes flashed up to Nicole and smiled brightly.

“Punk, check it out!” she said with a laugh and put her hand in the fire again. She kept in in for a few seconds before pulling it out and holding it up and wiggling her fingers for Nicole to see.

“How cool is that?” she asked, “That’s a neat party trick.”

Nicole couldn’t help the smile that pulled at her lips.

“I’m glad you had those nights,” she said to Waverly without looking away.

“Me too,” Waverly said, “I miss them.”

Nicole nodded, halting midmovement as a thought came to her.

“Wait. She told me…she told me she loved me two months after we started…” Nicole started.

“Right.”

“But…that was the last time you guys did this?”

“One of them,” she clarified, “We did manage a couple more after that before it pretty much stopped altogether.”

“Why’d you stop?”

Waverly cleared her throat, choosing her words.

“She had…other things to do with her nights,” she said carefully, “She didn’t have a lot of time for it anymore.”

“Oh,” Nicole said quietly after a moment when the meaning landed.

Silence settled again, more awkward than before as Nicole realized _she_ was the ‘other things’ that stole Wynonna away from her sister. No wonder Waverly disliked her so much. She didn’t only step all over their sisterly tradition, she had taken precious time with Wynonna away from her in what turned out to be the last months of her life. ~~~~

“I-I think I’m ready to go to bed, actually,” Waverly announced, the tension of the moment becoming too much, “Will you take care of the fire?”

“Yeah,” she answered quickly, “Yeah, I got it.”

Before she left Waverly remembered the reason, she’d brought them out there.

“Gus gets up at the crack of dawn,” she offered suddenly, “so the couch might not be the best place to sleep unless you want to wake up too. But there’s the spare bed in the barn if you can’t be in the room yet.”

“Thanks,” Nicole said, “I’ll figure something out.”

Waverly turned, but stopped again, the words just continuing to fall from her mouth.

“Or there’s my room.”

“Your-ah!”

Nicole suddenly jolted in her chair and swiped at her lap where the dropped cigarette had landed. The butt flew off her jeans before it could cause any damage to the material and landed in the ground.

“Shit,” she hissed, jumping to her feet and searching the grass until she spotted it. She quickly stomped it out before it could potentially catch any blades on fire and cause a problem.

With that fire out, literally, Nicole bent down and retrieved the smashed remains and pocketed it. She stood up straight and faced Waverly, swiping her hand through her hair.

“Uh, your room?”

“Yeah, if you want,” she shrugged.

“I, um…” she looked to Wynonna who raised her eyebrow, failing to hold back her amused grin.

“I know the bed is smaller than Wynonna’s,” she started, “Might be kind of a snug fit with how tall you are, but the mattress is comfortable.”

“I, um, I-I appreciate the offer, but I can’t. I-I couldn’t,” she stuttered out.

“Ok,” she nodded, “I just figured it would be easier for me to take Wynonna’s bed, so you didn’t have- “

“Oh!” Nicole interrupted louder than necessary, breath releasing from her chest in an awkward laugh. Feeling ridiculous, “You…I thought you meant…when you said your room…”

Waverly’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“What did you think I m-oh!” she realized as she was speaking, “Oh! Oh, you thought-Oh my God.”

Nicole looked at the ground, suddenly needing something to do with her hands. She ran them through her hair again before shoving them in her pockets.

“No, no, Nicole, I- “she shifted her weight, laying her hand against her cheek, “I wouldn’t expect, God. I wouldn’t.”

“Right, of course. I’m sorry it was stupid to think…I’m sorry,” she cleared her throat, “I’m-I’ll sleep in the barn. Thanks.”

“Ok,” Waverly forced an awkward laugh, trying to ease the strange moment, “Goodnight, Nicole.”

“Goodnight.”

Nicole flopped back into the chair, moving to rub her face but stopping when she knocked the glasses askew; still not used to having them there. She fixed them on her face and blew out a loud breath. She took out a new cigarette and leaned forward to hold the end to the fire. Once it lit, she relaxed back against the chair and took a deep pull.

Wynonna walked over and dropped into her lap with a dramatic sigh. She draped an arm around Nicole’s shoulder and started playing with her hair.

“Wanna know something?” she asked Nicole as she scratched her scalp.

“Yeah,” Nicole exhaled.

“You guys,” she poked Nicole’s temple, “are both idiots.”

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X

* * *

X


	18. The Girl Who Drove Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Living high off 4x07.   
> Hope all of you are doing well!

_Waverly sighed, checking the time again as she leaned against Wynonna’s truck. The parking lot had mostly emptied while she’d been there waiting for her sister. She felt a little silly to be so eager to go home just to spend time with her. It reminded her of being a little kid, following along at her big sister’s heels anxious to hang out and be included. They weren’t kids anymore, but still she felt that old familiar want for her time._

_It seemed like forever since they’d had free time to just hang out like they used to. Wynonna seemed to always have somewhere else to be, someone else to be with. And she knew exactly who that someone was, too._

_Not that Waverly was without fault as well. Between study sessions and cheerleading and her own relationships, she had demands on her time as well. It was just how life went. But it still felt as if she was always the one trying to reach out and make time only for her suggestions to conflict with some existing plan Wynonna already had._

_Today was different though. They had planned in advance to be free that night; purposely coinciding with Gus’ trip to the city. They had a whole night of junk food and movies ahead for just the two of them._

_“Hey, Baby Girl,” she finally heard while scrolling mindless through her phone, “Sorry for the wait.”_

_Waverly looked up with a smile and a sarcastic barb ready for her sister._

_“It’s- “she stopped, feeling her smile falter when she saw her sister wasn’t alone. Recovering her smile as best she could even as the sight of Nicole introduced a small nugget of disappointment in her stomach, “It’s fine. What took so long?”_

_“We stopped by the gym to talk to Shapiro about getting a try out for this one,” Wynonna tilted her head towards Nicole, before throwing her arm around her neck and forcing her to bend down a bit to Wynonna’s level, “D’you know my girl plays ball and she wasn’t going to tell anyone?”_

_“No, I didn’t,” she answered and cleared her throat, asking politely, “How are you, Nicole?”_

_“Fine, thanks,” she nodded, “You?”_

_“I’m good,” she said and gestured her thumb over her shoulder, “Ready to get out of here.”_

_“Right!” Wynonna clapped her hands together, “Let’s hit it. Waves you mind riding bench?”_

_“Oh,” she voiced, holding the strap of her bag nervously, “Are we…giving Nicole a ride?”_

_“Yeah,” Wynonna said slowly, looking between the two for a moment, “In the sense that we’re giving her a ride to the homestead. I invited her to hang with us tonight. Is that cool?”_

_Waverly’s lips parted, the nugget in her stomach exploding so she could actually feel the sour flavor of disappointment on her tongue._

_“I don’t want to intrude on your plans or- “_

_“It’s fine,” Waverly heard herself say, “It-It’s cool. The more the merrier, right?”_

_She shrugged awkwardly and spun around to climb in the truck. She saw the couple through the window talking quietly, Nicole shaking her head and gesturing with her hands until Wynonna grabbed one of those hands and held it firm. She said something else, ending it with a quick kiss before going to the driver’s side and hopping in. Nicole entered through the other door, albeit a little more tentatively, leaving Waverly sitting between them. She looked down at her lap and took a quiet breath, hoping to tamp down her emotions._

_“Ready to roll?” Wynonna asked brightly as she turned on the engine._

* * *

_X_

* * *

Nicole swallowed nervously as she stepped to the door with Gus and Waverly in tow. She singled out the proper key on her ring and looked at it as she spoke.

“You guys don’t have to come in,” she reminded them, not moving to open the door yet.

“And leave you to grab everything on your own?” Gus asked and clicked her tongue, “Thought I told you, ya ain’t on your own anymore, kid.”

Waverly stood with her arms wrapped around herself, swaying slightly with a sprinkling of nerves.

“Is she here?”

Nicole nodded toward the driveway, “Car’s not here.”

She eased Waverly’s concern and then turned to finally open the door. Sliding the key in, she quickly realized it was unlocked and scoffed quietly, “Of course.”

They entered and Nicole took a breath and looked around at the sparse living room.

“Anything from here?”

Nicole shook her head, “No, I don’t need anything here. Just stuff from my room.”

They walked further in the house heading towards the bedroom. Nicole, however, stopped in her tracks when they reached the kitchen. Her eyes falling to the spot she’d fallen after being hit, finding dried, browned stains on the floor. She took a step forward and touched her fingers to the pantry door along a similar color that smeared in the vague shape of a hand.

“Is that?” Waverly asked tentatively, staring at what she feared was Nicole’s blood.

“This is where…” Nicole started, trailing off and letting out a humorless chuckle. She shook her head and pulled her hand away, “She didn’t even clean it up.”

She looked up and saw the way Wynonna was staring at the spot. Her thumb between her teeth and a hard look of concern on her face.

“I’m ok,” Nicole told her, getting Wynonna to turn her wet eyes her way. Nicole nodded in assurance, “I’m ok.”

Then glancing back to her company, she cleared her throat, “That’s what matters, right?”

“That’s right,” Gus said, patting Nicole’s back.

Nicole waited until Wynonna nodded as well before returning her focus on the mission at hand. She led them to her room before feeling Waverly’s hand suddenly wrap around her arm.

“Wait,” she requested, stopping her from going further, “If she didn’t clean the kitchen…just-when we found you, the sheets and pillow…there was a lot of…” she swallowed, “I just mean, you should probably...”

“Brace yourself,” Wynonna finished her sister’s warning.

“I will,” Nicole nodded to Waverly, “Thanks.”

She took a step forward but stopped again when Wynonna spoke.

“Nicole,” she said, and repeated herself more seriously, “Brace yourself.”

Nicole looked at her curiously but chalked it up to her how worried she was that night. She continued on and pushed the cracked door all the way open.

Her eyes widened at the scene in front of her and her brain stuttered.

“What…” her words fell off as she took a step inside, careful of the placement of her feet.

Her room was trashed.

Drawers left hanging open or completely ripped out of the dresser with the contents haphazardly thrown around. Clothes strewn all over the place. Various keepsakes dumped from their spots. Her mattress half off the frame.

She turned in a slow circle, taking in the chaos around her.

“What happened?” she asked, looking towards the three women, “Was-Was it like this when you came here? I mean, did I do this? I-I know I was out of it with my head, but I didn’t think I did anything before I…”

“No,” Waverly shook her head and stepped inside as well, “It-It didn’t look anything like this.”

Nicole swallowed and looked to Wynonna, “She did this?”

Receiving a sad nod from her, Nicole slowly sat on the corner of the disturbed mattress and looked down at her feet. Recognizing the red and white fabric by her boots, she leaned over and picked it up. The crumpled shirt feeling like lead in her hands.

“This was Wynonna’s,” she said dejectedly, running her thumb over the collar.

“I recognize it,” Gus replied softly, walking over, and placing a hand on her shoulder.

Waverly moved her way as well but stopped and took a step back when she heard something crunch under her foot. She bent down to pick up the picture frame and turned it over. She found herself looking at her sister’s smiling face. Clearly after one of Nicole’s games according to the jersey she wore and the sweat dampened hair on her head. Nicole hand an arm around Wynonna, holding her against her side. Her sister’s extended arm evidence that she’d been the one to take the picture.

Wynonna looked so happy.

“But” Waverly started as she ran her fingers over Wynonna’s face lightly, careful of the broken glass as she finished her thought, “Why would your mom trash your room?”

“Why not?” she said bitterly, “She doesn’t need a reason. She hates me.”

“Or she was looking for something,” Wynonna mused, pulling Nicole’s eyes to where she was standing in the corner, looking down at the ruined chest of drawers.

Nicole’s eyes followed Wynonna’s and she jumped so suddenly it startled Gus and Waverly. She hurried over to the wooden fixture.

“No, no, no,” she muttered as she grabbed the top drawer that was barely hanging on to the frame.

Seeing it empty, she dropped to the floor and started digging through the discarded pile of clothes.

“Nicole what is it?” Waverly asked, lowering in front of her, “What are you looking for?”

“A-A box. I kept it in the back of the drawer,” she said as she lifted a shirt to look under it, “It’s a, a small wooden box with a Celtic knot on the lid. This big.”

She held her hands up to show the general size of it.

“Ok. We’ll help,” Waverly said quickly and looked over at Gus, “We’ll find it.”

The three of them looked through the mess for the box she described until Waverly saw something poking out from under the bed.

“Here!’ she said, carefully pulling out the half-hidden box and holding it towards Nicole.

Nicole quickly grabbed it. One of the hinges was broken and it had a large crack on the corner, no doubt from being tossed carelessly to the hardwood floor. She opened it carefully to search the contents.

Folded papers, notes from Wynonna, were disturbed but not damaged. A photo strip of the two of them was still there. After she dug through everything, she sat back on her heels.

“She found it,” she said not able to distinguish whether she was sad or angry, or both. She sighed and shover her hand under her glasses to rub her eyes, “She took it.”

“I’m sorry, Punk,” Wynonna said gently, kneeling behind her.

“What was it, honey?” Gus asked.

Nicole looked up at her, blinking back her frustrated tears.

“Cash. The little I had,” she answered after a moment, “Anything I had left, I…I kept it here and she took it.”

Gus clenched her jaw and shook her head. More and more, she hated that woman. She was regretting having Nedley tag along to stop her from doing something she might regret. Because she sure as shit wouldn’t be regretting it now.

Nicole gave herself a few second to dwell and be upset before she took a deep breath and, feeling the stares of the women who didn’t know what to say, forced her composure back into place.

“Um, I have a couple duffle bags…they were in the closet, who knows where they ended up now,” she said as she pulled herself up, still holding the box close, “Let’s get started.”

Between the three of them, with Nicole’s direction, they packed the bags and carried them and armfuls of her things to the car. Waverly made sure to extract the photo from the broken frame and tuck it safely away for travel.

During one last walk through to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything important, Nicole stopped in the kitchen. She pulled out the notebook and wrote on the first blank page she found.

“That’s more than she ever did for you,” Wynonna said while leaning against the counter.

“I know,” Nicole mumbled and ripped out the page, slapping it to the refrigerator with a magnet.

“She doesn’t deserve it.”

“I know.”

She turned to go but had a second thought.

She opened the fridge, removing a beer and took the page off the door. Going back to the counter, she got a roll of scotch tape from the drawer and used it to attach the note to the bottle. Knowing it was more likely to get noticed that way.

“Then why bother?” Wynonna asked, watching her put the beer back in the fridge and slam the door.

Nicole shrugged and said forlornly, “She’s my mom.”

Wynonna gave her a sad smile and wrapped her arms around her. Nicole returned the hug and indulged in the comfort. She was all too aware that moments like that wouldn’t be so easy to come by in the coming days.

Too soon, Wynonna pulled back.

“Come on,” she said gently, “Let’s blow this joint before they come looking for you.”

Nicole nodded with a whispered, “Yeah.”

“Blow this joint and, if you’re lucky, sneak in a different joint later,” she commented, “Bet ya anything they haven’t found my stash yet.”

Nicole chuckled as Wynonna slipped her arm through Nicole’s and they walked out together. Joining Gus and Waverly at the car, she settled in to actually leave it behind.

“You ok?” Waverly asked quietly.

Nicole looked at her, putting a small smile on her face, “We’ll see.”

She looked out the window as Gus started driving away, a strange gathering of emotions in her chest as she watched the house disappear. She couldn’t help but think about all the echoes that lived in that house. A lot of pain and anger settled in those walls, all culminating in a two words on a piece of paper:

_‘_ _Goodbye_

_-Nicole’_

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, no update this coming week! I've got some stuff to handle and I doubt I'll have the time.   
> Forgiiiiiive me!

**Author's Note:**

> Questions, Comments, Thoughts, Concerns?


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